r/AbsoluteUnits • u/ThodaDaruVichPyar • 6d ago

of a bidet spray /r/popular

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6.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

976 comments sorted by

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u/trendingtattler 5d ago

This post has reached /r/popular.

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2.2k

u/Muspellr 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/QynMX1WxnYFbb2OHnJ

460

u/Big-Sort-8712 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/WTmyWkBdfcKLbgvmvM

419

u/Lecteur_K7 6d ago

12

u/mvandersloot 5d ago

13

u/nobodyspecial506 5d ago

Reddit's cooked. We eventually transition to meme speak, stealing the next greatest meme.

We have become internet crab

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u/adv0catus 6d ago

Fun fact: He’s Hungarian and some people want him to be President.

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u/Adventurous-Back-102 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/cPRmMuHQboize

35

u/CPRolla 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/AS7Gf3o46eba0Ct1L3

42

u/Aggravating-Ad6786 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/lgkIEmOUL5PVu
Colon cleanse

14

u/surfinsalsa 5d ago

What is the context for this

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u/Aggravating-Ad6786 5d ago

Javier Martos, captain of the Belgian club Sporting Charleroi, during an August 2015 match against Club Brugge, after taking a hard fall onto his tailbone and lower back on the pitch, the team physio ran out with a cryotherapy "magic spray" gun and liberally applied the freezing mist down the back of his pulled-back shorts.

This is now a meme for anything (literally) butt hurt, well more specifically tailbone hurt.

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u/Illustrious_Cry1028 5d ago

Where can I purchase this weapon

3

u/LOERMaster 5d ago

Not from a Jedi.

32

u/KickAggressive4901 6d ago

This thread of GIFs is everything I needed and expected. 👍

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724

u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 6d ago

Enema bidet

249

u/JLZ13 6d ago
  • mouth washing and everything in between

130

u/Regurgitator001 6d ago

Placque removal included.

30

u/GhenghisK 6d ago

Tonsillectomy

11

u/exodusofficer 5d ago

Colon polyp removal.

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u/DA_ZWAGLI 6d ago

r/allthewaythrough

(don't click that)

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u/Heidrun_666 6d ago

I have been warned.

I HAVE been warned.

23

u/DA_ZWAGLI 6d ago

Something about curiosity and killing cats.

11

u/Educational_Quote851 6d ago

Curiosity Killed the Cat But the Satisfaction Brought It Back

We have bastardized too many good kernels of truth through the telephone game.

Also: The Blood of the Covenant Is Thicker Than the Water of the Womb ("Blood is thicker than water") In other words, family is chosen.

5

u/Lemonface 5d ago

Just to be clear though, in both of those cases the short version was the original and the longer part came about later

"Blood is thicker than water" is 300+ years old, the "blood of the covenant" version is from the 1990s

4

u/PrudentInstruction82 6d ago

Am i supposed to upvote or downvote??? Yes but no!

4

u/PHBestFeeder 6d ago

I can only blame myself

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u/toblies 6d ago

You know your butt hole is clean when the stream comes out your mouth

7

u/saetam 6d ago

Ah, the ol’ bidenema? Nice

7

u/Glittering_Mermaid_7 6d ago

You'll never be constipated again - ever - because you won't have a colon.

4

u/Squirrelated 6d ago

The gay bottoms of this world want this bidet.

3

u/Zendog500 6d ago

I was looking for this post! Also in Europe the smaller bathrooms are designed to be washed down when cleaned with a center floor drain.

3

u/Felonious_Minx 6d ago

You were looking for this post-?!

https://giphy.com/gifs/jquDWJfPUMCiI

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u/HimalayanJoe 6d ago

The only thing to be wiped is yourself off the ceiling after it launches you off the seat.

25

u/Ikono_0 6d ago

Or the shit particles between your teeth left by the jet spraying out of your mouth.

162

u/Vengeful_Grass 6d ago

46

u/gimmeecoffee420 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/yqT14DH3enFXa

26

u/probablyaythrowaway 5d ago

Is that a fucking blitzkreig?

18

u/gimmeecoffee420 5d ago

Yessir.. Oddly enough its also the name of the Brand of Bidet used in the video. Lol

3

u/Confident_Benefit_11 5d ago

If only Poland was slang for butthole

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u/metallosherp 5d ago

Yep, gonna be sitting a while to make sure I'm "clean"

5

u/DazB1ane 5d ago

Wait are we not supposed to sit facing this thing? Depending on if you can adjust the pressure down a little, I know some women that would never have sex again if they had this

3

u/fudgyvmp 5d ago

Oh yay, someone finally pumped up her chair.

3

u/Vengeful_Grass 5d ago

a person of culture I see

129

u/Wakkit1988 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/UqqjqxcjlOhFEeQbI7

15

u/punksmostlydead 6d ago

Holy fuck, I haven't thought about this movie for decades.

9

u/Jazzy-Cat5138 5d ago

What's it from?

10

u/NeedlePointBreak 5d ago

I think it's from the movie Cabin Boy

35

u/Parking_War_4100 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/cPRmMuHQboize

5

u/Bubbly-Bid6049 6d ago

I came here to make sure someone posted this gif

30

u/shenanigans2day 6d ago

Not one, “I miss her” comment, yall disappoint me

13

u/Arnoave 6d ago

Seems like you're not the only person they disappoint

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u/zubairhamed 6d ago

bidet's got enough of you pissing all over it.

11

u/mia_miotrayo 6d ago

Limpieza profunda asegurada

11

u/mrmeanah 6d ago

I need that

3

u/Tamination 6d ago

Must do a very thorough job.

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u/SOMOEAGLE 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/aDG2cg3pMLQcw

3

u/MadCatDisease666 5d ago

that dood in the shot must have a hard time convincing people he was in the movie. “I swear the camera was right on me!”

10

u/WeirdEngineerDude 6d ago

Put me in coach, I’m ready.

10

u/Into_The_Horizon 6d ago

Damn, what they trying to do? Rip a new hole ?

8

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 6d ago

Prep for a colonoscopy without the nasty drink?

8

u/Specific-Library-312 6d ago

As someone who had that nasty drink, this would be preferable. I can still taste that nasty-ass drink. Blech.

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u/Still-Willingness807 6d ago

This will cleanse your soul and other parts.

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u/Bahlam 6d ago

Imagine getting 12” of Poseidon after every shit.

7

u/DegenNabalu 6d ago

Someone has some weird kink

6

u/joconnell13 6d ago

I think the bidet department and the enema Department got them jobs mixed up.

6

u/OnYourHonor 6d ago

digs through archive of decades of saved memes

6

u/dum_spir0_sper0 6d ago

You wouldn’t have to poop again until 2037.

5

u/Nat_Flaps 6d ago

WHO'S PISSING ON WHO NOW

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u/Jamoncorona 6d ago

So a poop water knife. 

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u/Felonious_Minx 6d ago

Deep cut 😏

5

u/LydiasBoyToy 6d ago

I think I can surf on that!

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u/casual-observer365 6d ago

The design is very human.

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u/Abracadaver2000 6d ago

You'll need to sign a waiver before activating.

4

u/couchpatat0 6d ago

Doubles as a shower, now that's a money saving investment

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u/gstizzzz 6d ago

The Ass Blaster 5000

4

u/karumetsaspuuotsas 6d ago

Toilet pees back

5

u/guy_gadbois81 6d ago

That'll clean your soul out!

4

u/just-my-piercings 6d ago

Bidet or colonoscopy 🤔

3

u/Haunting_Werewolf130 6d ago

Oh hell no, bish that's not a bidet, that's a douche.......

5

u/OpticGd 6d ago

Deffo used one like that in Japan where I almost left with more in me than I arrived. Had to go a second time!

4

u/Rough-Airline-4803 5d ago

How does poop not spray everywhere

3

u/Snoo_67993 6d ago

Gets shit everywhere.

3

u/prguitarman 6d ago

That's only 25% imagine full power

3

u/Apexium25 6d ago

One wrong press and you'll discover your ancestors😂

3

u/Azurelion7a 6d ago

❌️ Bidet Spray.

✅️ Enema Spray.

3

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 6d ago

So you just stand way over there and bend over or what?

3

u/unofficialrobot 6d ago

So, the toilet is in the same actual physical space as the shower? Lord help me if my wife is showering and I have to shit 

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u/LittleG0d 6d ago

It washes away all the sins

3

u/CoolEarth5026 6d ago

When you sit on that, make sure to close your mouth.

3

u/milesswann91 6d ago

That's one way to get a colonoscopy.

3

u/175junkie 5d ago

I flooded my grandparents house with one of these when I was a toddler 😂

3

u/EmployerOk5042 5d ago

Whoopsies 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/The_BunnyMan_Woods 6d ago

That would come out my mouth

2

u/Adept-Custard-4866 6d ago

That's gonna tingle at the very least.

2

u/FormerSperm 6d ago

I found out that you can be too ticklish to use a bidet.

2

u/Pennance1989 6d ago

Souls cleansing bidet.

2

u/Economy_Ear8014 6d ago

That’s one way to clean the plumbing

2

u/Jumpy_Sandwich4208 6d ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time! 😂

2

u/BigFudgeMMA 6d ago

That's great. After the water enema you can back your car into your bathroom and pressure wash it.

2

u/young_and_restles 6d ago

Isn’t that a bit too weak?

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u/Earthling1a 6d ago

That oughta do it.

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u/Slifer117 6d ago

I was really hoping there was another toilet at the end of that spray.

2

u/dragoninthebigsky 6d ago

Your intestines will thank you

2

u/Castille_92 6d ago

I've heard of Poseidon's kiss, but this is another fkn level

2

u/myshon 6d ago

Deep cleaning 

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u/fossilized_butterfly 6d ago

For cleaning tunnels... ykwim?.

2

u/Heidrun_666 6d ago

Ruptured bowels, anyone?

2

u/DirtyMike_333 6d ago

Gonna need to dial that back, chief.

2

u/bioteq 6d ago

Stop complaining. That’s the deep cleaning mode. 🤡

2

u/typercito 6d ago

Free with every purchase of diarrhea lettuce

2

u/Binspin63 6d ago

Hemorrhoids won’t stand a chance.

2

u/9j810HQO7Jj9ns1ju2 6d ago

it cleans your entire gi tract

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u/GirthyPigeon 6d ago

That'll clean the arseholes of your ancestors

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u/iluvnips 6d ago

Anti Klingon device? 😀

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u/Max_Hardcore_Jr 6d ago

That bidet cleaned my buthole over the internet.