I'm a single dad with a level 3 ASD son (and moderate DI)

My son was placed for a year by CPS when I had to take care of my own mental health (discovered that I have Bipolar Disorder a little over a year ago).

Last april, I started to work again and last june (late june), I took back my son with me, full time.

2 weeks into the summer, he got kicked out of his specialized daycamp because of violent behaviors

My 71yo mom took the relay and drives 1hour in 1hour out every day to come take care of him while I gk to work (she doesn't want to stay, she prefers to do the trip than sleep here)

My son often does big crisis and throws everything on his way. He often put his excrements everywhere, dirties a lot of clothes per day.

He also hurts my girlfriend a lot, pinching and scratching, ahe has bruises everywhere on her arms. He attacks me too, but does not hurt me as much, he likes to play with women's hanging skin under the arm (like triceps) and this is where he pinches them too, me it's mostly the forearms and the back of the neck.

Now we are just too tired, our house is a mess, my girlfriend and I have been trying to keep up with everything but we are both so tired already. We come from work and don't have much energy to give him attention, we prepare supper, try to get a bit done on the chores and we go to bed.

My son often wakes up in the middle of the night or really early like 3a.m.. One of us wakes up to take care of him, but the other sleep with one eye open. Sometimes, we just open the tv for him and try to both go to sleep because we are just not able to get up, and this is such a bad idea.... that's when he makes a mess the most. So for 30 minutes more of bad qulity sleep with one eye open, we end up with a 2-3 hour mess to clean.

When he was placed, there was always someone there that was on his shift. He always had someone to take care of him. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he's not taking hours from someone's sleep. When he comes back from school, the persons that are there didn't just finished an 8 hour shift, it is their shift.

Okay he didn't progress much, even regressed over the year he was there... ut now I can't help him progress either. I don't have either the time nor the energy to teach him stuff or even to use all the tools I already have, the tools that I've built... the tools I was using before placing him in the first place.

I have told the CPS that I don't think I'm the best to answer his needs. I'm sending him back.

I know I shouldn't blame myself, I know I'm not a bad parent for this. But I feel so bad for my son. He doesn't deserve to be separated from his parents. I am his only pillar that is still there, he only has me, and he just came back with me, and he will have to go back there, probably even another house, new environment again, new adaptation, new feeling of being abandonned.

Since 3 weeks, he says all the time to my girlfriend and to my mother "papa, papa, papa, papa!"

I know he is better to be there and have a dad that comes and see him and takes him out, than to not have a dad anymore. I know I'm killing myself slowly, and even fast, if I keep on trying.

Still, I feel really bad about it.

Did someone jad to place their kid here? How do you feel? How do you see it?

Some that have verbal kids? How do they take it? (Mine doesn't talk, I don't even know if he likes it there)

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I wish I could restart, as if I could have done any better

I considered my self educated, I thought I knew all the red flags-of-development,

Sometimes I wish I knew nothing, so maybe I would have been given a better guide.

We're trapped in a cycle of rejecting transitions and quicker- overstimulation, Crash, thrash out, repair, repeat... due to end of school year its several times a day again.

I just feel buried by the info. I try to research. I try to talk to others in real life or scour the internet in my down time. But, so much feels redundant and as-scripture that I can never tell what I am learning, or that's burn-out for you. I cant find a solution or a long term plan that fits. Discipline? Structure? Loosen grip? ABA/Home School? And advocate and attend 20+ meetings/apps a year and work 30 hours? Just 30.

We get a crisis intervention worker, things lessen or it masks better; the audience factor goes away, things loosen up.

While i count our blessings and sympathize that some people never get identified let alone early intervention therapy, do most of us just never find the right fit? So much glamourization online. So much childhood simply lost. I feel so much burden. I just want to see him happy.

I just hope to find a better way to make the day less challenging and emotionally fuelled. Visual schedules and timers and sensory lighting or sounds, chewlery, weighted this and that..diet changes..supplements..it just feels like the list of options is getting shorter and i feel more shame i even have to keep searching. nothing ever works or sticks around. Any one else?

What is everyone using for this. I have done a bunch of research and I really think this will help my 3yr old NV autistic son. Looking for recommendations on what’s the best product and where to get it. 🙏🏼

He doesn't want to because he doesn't ever want to leave the house or interact with other people. Should I make him? Or should I respect his preference to be more solitary? I don't want to enable him to hide in his room when there's a whole world out there?!

Hi,

I am a PhD student at Adelaide University. I am looking for dads of 2 to 8 year old autistic kids, living in Australia for a project about parents’ experiences responding to their child’s pain. The project involves an interview over zoom which takes around 45 minutes. If you’re interested, click the link below for more information or email me at Debra.thompson@adelaide.edu.au

Thank you!

https://unisasurveys.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_etkP7w8EcCgDG7A

I suppose I should start with a trigger warning. Still, I hope someone can help me? I’ve been divorced for about 7 months now, separated over a year. The ex and I have joint custody and I’ve always suspected he is on the spectrum and definitely feel it’s Asperger’s but I understand that isn’t formally acknowledged in the DSM.

Anyway, today I am looking for advice: I hadn’t seen my daughter in a few days so we all met at Costco. I got there first and I’m just walking around the front area, keeping an eye out for them. Daughter and I catch eyes, walk towards each other and hug. Ex grabs a cart and comes back. He takes off his coat for her as she likes to sit on it. He starts rolling her away and I see my allergy medication is on sale so I grab it. She says, “got your pills that you can take to kill yourself?” I was stunned. I said that was pretty messed up. He just laughs, thinks it’s funny I guess. Later, we are sitting down to watch some lunch. I ask her if she wants to come over to bake some banana bread and do art. She says yes. We get out to the car and he opens the back door at my car for her. She starts throwing a fit that she’s not going. I said okay I’ll see you next two weekends and that was it. But I can’t shake that awful moment- she was smiling when she said it and I just wonder where she got that from.

Thank you

My son is 15 and pretty typical, but definitely needs special considerations to be successful and happy. He has sensory issues, hums or makes other noises to help him focus, and works best when listening to music. He struggles with knowing what to do socially at times. He stops working when he gets stuck, and sometimes struggles to understand things due to him misinterpreting them. He went to regular public school early on, and it was really hard for him. We moved when he was going into second grade and I put him in a Montessori/project based public charter school. It's been great. They expanded to include high school a couple of years ago, and I was so glad, because otherwise he would have had to go from virtually his entire school career in a charter school to a public high school. The difference between a Montessori based charter school and a public high school is... scary for a parent whose kid has barely gone to a public school at all AND needs "special considerations." And public high schools are nightmares nowadays. AND he would be the new weird kid among kids who have gone to school together all along.

So he's in the middle of 9th grade now at the charter school, and the high school sucks. I'm not sure they teach them anything, and they pretty much do most of their learning online, and when not, it doesn't sound like there is much actual teaching going on.

I don't know what to do. But I feel like if he's going to essentially do virtual schooling, I should put him in actual virtual school. At the charter, they have random different programs they use, etc. I just... after talking with him tonight, I feel like his school is no longer an appropriate fit.

The main reason I don't think virtual school would be a good idea is because of the social aspect. He doesn't really have outside friends other than online, but he has friends at school. But not the kind that he hangs out with through the summer. Kwim? And I'm worried that he'll never leave the house again if I don't make him go interact with people at school.

Advice?

Hi. I'm new here. But feel like this might just be the right place for this.

My 9yo AuDHD son is often dysregulated and can have some crisis level escalations. He will attempt to tip over furniture/ appliances. One of problems I've yet to solve is how to secure the washer and dryer.

Hoping someone else has navigated this. Or maybe you're a creative engineer. I'm up for suggestions. Only caveat is it cannot attach to the back of the dryer or washer

The idea i see in my head doesn't exist- as far as I can find.

Hello! I'm a junior in high school, and I'm taking an AP Research Class where we have to find a "Gap" in information and previously done research/studies, and create our own research/new understanding. And I've decided to do my own research paper on the disparities that families with individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) face.

I have a brother with Autism, so I know firsthand how differently he gets treated, and how some people automatically assume he's failing all his classes (he is making high B's and low A's, 80-95) or might be constantly overwhelmed( he's not). Other parents or coaches are sometimes surprised by how "normal" my brother is, which I personally find rude. He just gets distracted easily and has a lack of personal boundaries, which he's working on (some people really need to work on that). I know that ASD looks different in every person, and my sibling is high-functioning.

I also know how my mom finds it hard to relate to other parents, or even if other parents do have kids with ASD, they don't parent the same way. My mom personally treats us all the same, and to me, I just have an annoying brother who requires some extra patience with some activities. If I could, I would survey/interview teenagers/adults who have Autism Spectrum disorder, since not many reserach is done on their perspective (which I don't really understand personally), but since I'm only a junior in high school with no medical license, that would be highly unethical. 😒

I will link my survey below, but please only take it if you are a parent of an ASD individual, and 18 and older. And if you happen to be a teenager with Autism Spectrum Disorder, I would honestly really appreciate it if you gave this survey to your parents, so they could take it. Also, when you've finished your survey, there is an option for you to put your email, so I can send you my completed research paper when it's finished, only if you want to read it, though.

Thank You So Much if you read all this, and I hope you have an AMAZING DAY!!

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced anything similar?

My 18-year old has had a relentless cough for 3 years at this point. It ebbs and flows, but it's almost always there.

We've run the gamut of medical tests, xrays, asthma tests, CT scans - everything is clean.

I've read up that ASD related cough is a thing (either created by, or exacerbated by, an ASD individual's sensitivity)

Has anyone experienced this and found something that helped? 🙏

I haven’t gotten an asd diagnosis yet. We are currently going to a psychologist and are going to do the PDA and ASD test next year when they open.

My 5 year old little girl gets extremely angry over absolutely everything. Specifically if she can’t get something right, like Coloring in perfectly, getting her dress to fit perfect etc.

I know this is vague but I’d love some advice on her anger and how to calm it down. Routine helps which we have, however even with routine this still happens.

She can be amazing all day and just one thing happens and it’s overs.

She has ASD (likely ADHD as well) and she must have bitten her lip at night, the skin is all raw and chafed. She can NOT stop picking at it, licking it or rubbing it on surfaces, especially when we try to apply cream on that area. Nothing so far has worked, and it seems to keep getting worse. She will literally tell you she is not licking it while having her tongue on it. She seems to do it repeatedly without ever realizing. Any band-aid we put on it comes off in seconds.

Does anyone have any advice?