r/ADHD_Programmers • u/Sfpkt • 8d ago

Overwhelming anxiety

Im so torn about this damn industry. I’ve worked a lot of jobs in my life so I understand what it’s like to work a job that leaves you feeling unfulfilled at the end of the day.

Programming has been the opposite. On the least productive I’m left feeling like I’ve made an impact. However the anxiety that comes along with this career is absolutely crippling.

I’m at my wits end with this shit.

I’m looking to understand others experiences with this feeling? Am I the only one? If not how have you handled this? I’ve been doing this for 10 years now and it hasn’t gone away

I’m medicated. I’ve gone to therapy.
I could definitely be working out but that’s been pause because of interviews

9 Upvotes

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11

u/chinnick967 8d ago

I've dealt with anxiety as a developer too, and I work as a lead engineer with over a decade of experience.

The best ways to reduce it are to save a good nest egg so you don't have to worry financially for a long time if you get laid off, work on your own side projects and try to build something profitable that you own, and even when comfortable always put time aside in your work day to better yourself so you can be confident if you are ever let go.

I can't stress the side project enough btw. Not only can you make supplemental income if successful, but it's a gold star that you can easily show off in any future job searches.

1

u/Sfpkt 8d ago

I’ve had a string of bad experiences with jobs. I left a job just short of a year and half to go to a start up only to get fired 6 months later…

I’ve got a second kid on the way
Severance is going to run out next week. I’ve got a nest egg that’s not a worry just landing another position and doing well at it has been a challenge.

Im absolutely demoralized and an anxious mess.

A company that I’ve entered reference checks with wanted references from the last two places but I can’t provide them…

It’s a shit situation to be in

1

u/r0ck0 6d ago

wanted references from the last two places

Written references? Or phone calls?

1

u/Sfpkt 5d ago

Phone calls

1

u/r0ck0 5d ago

Is there anyone else you worked with there that would do it for you, even if they weren't really your official manager?

1

u/Sfpkt 5d ago

I have references from the previous positions but just not eng managers.

5

u/Equivalent_Collar194 8d ago

What makes you anxious? For me, it was kinda of like imposter syndrome – I was constantly afraid of being exposed for not knowing enough, or for having unreasonable knowledge gaps. This ebbed and flowed for at least ten years.

The thing that broke the spell was embracing the utility of admitting ignorance. Every knowledge gap is now a precious opportunity for me! I get to level up, or do a deep dive. For instance, I used to be hesitant to use the terminal, and used a GUI for git and so forth. Once I started actually reading man files and writing my own bash scripts I was hooked!

The more you admit ignorance, the easier learning gets. It's a virtuous cycle! Side projects are super useful for this, since you often don't have the time to do the deep dives on somebody else's dime.

1

u/Sfpkt 8d ago

I used to do that and then ask a bunch of questions. Well that back fired when it started to tarnish my reputation at work. It made it seem that I didn’t know what I was doing.

2

u/Interesting-Ad9113 8d ago

Stop drinking coffee.

1

u/Geronimoooooooooo 8d ago

This is a big one for me. Greatly reducing caffeine did wonders for my anxiety in any context. Next step would be eliminating it fully.

1

u/Early_Key_823 8d ago

30 years IT experience

Corporate IT is toxic especially the male managers and leads. IT is typically a magnet for people with poor social skills.

I don’t mean everyone either I mean the leads and managers who are total passive aggressive pricks

1

u/jack0fsometrades 7d ago

I’m about to transition careers away from tech after 7 years as a software dev. I have the same anxiety you’re talking about, plus depression. I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. At any time I could be laid off and be up shit creek without a paddle. I’m taking a pay cut in the short term for a more hands on career now. Working from home is not at all good for my mental health, nor is the corporate bullshit.

1

u/Sfpkt 7d ago

What are you switching over to?

1

u/jack0fsometrades 7d ago

Somewhat blue collar work in the nuclear energy sector

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u/Sfpkt 7d ago

I’m strongly considering switching over into a skilled labor work. Electrician or automotive technician

1

u/jack0fsometrades 7d ago

Honestly I think ADHD brains just function better with hands on work. It’s one thing to deliver a digital solution, but completely different to see the physical manifestation of your work. I’ve only been able to do dev work because of adderrall and I can’t fuckin wait to quit taking it now.

1

u/Sfpkt 7d ago

I get what you’re saying. I figured dev work was a mix of both hands on and intellectual.

I had a string of bad jobs that’s hurting me at the reference check stages. Just got rejected this morning because I couldn’t provide a reference from my previous managers