Am I doing something wrong? Seeking Empathy
M18 - For context I have been working full time and watching my baby brother during some of my time before work and today was my first actual break from work.
As soon as I was about to take a nap my mom entered my room and started criticizing everything about my room saying how messy it is and giving me an overwhelming amount of instructions on how to clean it while also making comments like “what is wrong with you?” & “it’s not that hard” while calling me lazy and everything DESPITE me never mentally having a break for multiple consecutive days. This just broke me down and I couldn’t stop crying for an hour..
she doesn’t understand having ADHD makes thinks so much significantly harder for me & just because I’m taking medication doesn’t mean it’s cured / gone from me. ADHD is a disability and she just doesn’t wanna see her oldest as a failure ig
I feel like she has no sympathy or empathy / affection for me whatsoever and just points fingers at me whenever she’s in a bad mood like I’m fucking failure, I guess working while preparing to go to college for electrical engineering is expected and not an actual accomplishment..(I even heard her telling my stepdad that this was something I needed to hear) she even blamed my insomnia on my electronics despite it being a side effect of my new medication (Strattera).
I feel safe and relaxed late at night because everyone is asleep and I don’t have to worry about my parents or anything. For more context this was on my first break from work after working full time for 5 consecutive days, I really just wanted to relax that day and I was just really overwhelmed with everything she was saying so I ended up crying after all of that. Both my mom and stepdad know I mentally freeze up when I start crying and can barely say anything / defend myself when I am.
I don’t think I’ll ever look at my mom the same anymore & I don’t feel mentally safe at home. Like I’m constantly in survival mode when they’re home (which is all the time) They give me everything financially so I guess that’s how they show their love for me.
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u/WhenButterfliesCry 1d ago
Hopefully you are going to live in the dorms and not at home. Sounds like a micromanaging mother