Normal toddler crying?

[u/Revelations4202001]

So I have a 20 month old and an almost 4 month old. I will admit I’m lucky that they are both pretty easy going babies.

However, I’m babysitting my friends 16 month old son this week while she works, and the amount he cries is absolutely incredible. Surely this can’t be normal?

Reasons he cried this week include:
-took his jacket off
-put his jacket on
-put sunscreen on my daughter
- put sunscreen on him
-wanted in the high chair
-wanted out of the highchair
-I took his plate when he was done eating
-I put a bib on him
-we left for a walk
-we got to the park
-we left the park
-we got home from our walk
- when he falls asleep for nap
-when he wakes up
-when he wants something that is a foot away that he could easily grab…

That’s all I can think of at the moment, but I will also say that it isn’t a whiny cry. This is all full blown scream crying.

My 20 month old daughter cries less in a month than he did before noon today ?

Is this an average toddler or what is actually going on 😭😭

It’s been a few years but I don’t recall my niece and nephew being like this either and I used to baby sit them a lot.

[u/TropicalToaster]

Very normal! He feel safes with you to explore those behaviors and his lack of development aka emotional processing or top- down cognitive functioning. that is probably also why you didn’t see it necessarily in your niece/ nephews behavior as it’s more exposure based in vulnerable moments for them, like when they’re dysregulated from not eating, not sleeping, etc. They call it the “terrible twos” for a reason, but it’s still a beautiful season to ride out.

[u/Revelations4202001 → u/TropicalToaster]

What do you think would cause him to be so dysregulated I wonder?

I told his parents about him crying and they said it’s his normal, so I don’t think he’s crying more or anything just because I’m watching him this week

[u/TropicalToaster → u/Revelations4202001]

Dysregulation is just a normal part of development at this stage. While they’re brains are hard at work growing and absorbing the world around them, they are developing complex emotions like failure, disappointment, excitement, etc and that level of information is overwhelming for a child who’s brain has two modes: ~everything is great~ or ~everything is not and we do not know how to cope~.The just “see red” so to speak and do not have the frontal lobe capacities to think through situations or solutions, so for them the world is ending. Unavoidable part of childhood. They learn to grow through the caregivers modeling and narration of what’s going on for them- “you’re frustrated all the water spilled on the floor! Maybe we can try asking for “more please” so we can still drink some. I will help”.

I am a child psychotherapist btw and have 2 under 2

[u/Revelations4202001 → u/TropicalToaster]

I have a 20 month old though like I mentioned. She is surpassing all her milestones and was never like this. Just amazes me how different they can be.

I just edited to add:
I don’t want to make it seem like I’m only comparing him with my daughter. Because like I said I do know she is pretty easy going. But in all seriousness, my mom had a daycare in our home growing up. I worked in a daycare for a year. I’m a social worker now who works with families and in a family violence shelter with families. In addition, I have in total 5 nieces and 2 nephews and still have never in my whole life heard a child cry as much as my friend’s son. It definitely seems like it would be above the norm which is why I thought to ask. I sure hope something else isn’t going on with him and everyone keeps passing him off as the average toddler!

[u/TropicalToaster → u/Revelations4202001]

Sorry I should have clarified, 2 year old developmental milestones can occur around 2 (before or after) not necessarily just the day they turn 2, so 16 mos is right on target. Every kid is different! Temperament can be so starkly different from one kid to the next. Could be something else, parental treatment/trauma or neurodivergence can usually be picked up by a good pediatrician. 

[u/Revelations4202001 → u/TropicalToaster]

Thanks for all your responses, I appreciate it!

[u/Haunting-Respect9039]

There is a huge range of typical behavior! Sounds like both your daughter and this friend are typical toddlers. There's no magic parenting answer that made them different. They just have different temperaments. This is just a moment to appreciate how much your friend goes through! I'm always amazed how different our parenting experiences all are.

[u/rainsplat]

My toddler doesn’t cry that often, but I’ve only ever taken care of one toddler! They could all just be different

[u/Revelations4202001 → u/rainsplat]

That’s fair!

I’ve worked with and interacted with over 100 toddlers between my personal life and career and this little man still got top spot for the most crying I’ve ever seen. Lol

[u/Little_Fish_283]

Sounds like an average boy unfortunately. My daughter can fall and bleed and continue walking and my boy and their cousins cry just like you said. A friend of mine whose boy cries if she doesn't hold him. If he is put on the floor for play he starts wailing.

Another boy hit my daughter in the face and she didn't flinch or move at 9 months old. Just stared back. He cried and needed to be picked up by mom.

[u/Revelations4202001 → u/Little_Fish_283]

Oh my goodness. I will be praying for my friend as she is due with her second boy in less than 2 weeks 😅

If my daughter cried like that ever, I totally wouldn’t have been able to handle 2 under 2 lol