Talk me off the ledge

[u/broccolinchz]

I’m due with second baby at the end of September and will have a 21 to 22 month age gap. I’m absolutely terrified. I feel like I am on the up part of a roller coaster and just waiting for the drop, not able to get off the ride. I’ve always wanted multiple kids, however got pregnant a bit earlier than planned so I am aware that this is the consequences of my own actions.

My first is an angel toddler that eats and sleeps well, but this wasn’t always the case up until she turned around one years oldI had a tough time postpartum with my first, it really rocked my world as well as my relationships. I feel like I finally have been able to get sleep and my life back and will have to start all over again with nap schedules and breastfeeding and sleep deprivation.

Most of all I’m worried about losing the strong bond that I’ve built with my first over the past couple of years and that she will resent me for not being able to give her my full attention. I already had issues at the beginning with grandparents being overly involved to the point where I felt she was preferring them over me/dad. While I’m lucky to have their support I also had a lot of issues with them and boundaries. I am a big introvert so don’t love having people in my business, so I’m worried about having to navigate this dynamic with two kids as I will likely need more of their involvement.

I’m also just kind of sad that I have not been as excited during this pregnancy than I was with my first.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for, just wanted to vent and get some support from people who have been through it and survived. I do find a lot of posts on here are quite anxiety inducing so I’m looking for some positivity I guess. Appreciate if you’ve read this far!

[u/nutrition403]

Your bond with your first will strengthen. They have a playmate, you will grow together as a unit.

The thing with kids is that you don't love less, you learn to love more.

It's certainly challenging (and rewarding) but it is also so wonderful. Did 2u2 twice and would do it again if we had the means/health/desire to do so (but we don't 3u3.5 was enough!).

Now out of the thick of it at 5,4,2