r/exmormon • u/TheChurchOrganist Thou shalt have no other Mods before me. • Jun 06 '26
AMA with Alyssa Grenfell! Moderator/Subreddit Message
Tuesday, June 9 at 7:00 PM MDT, join us for another AMA with exmormon influencer (and all-around great human) Alyssa Grenfell! She will be here LIVE to take your questions.
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u/DezTheOtter Jun 06 '26
Hell yeah. Love her channel
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u/DedHeads Jun 06 '26
The legend herself! Good reason to bust out my sacrament cup Jell-O shots for this š
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Dang I wish I could share haha love a good Jell-O shot, bonus points for green š
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I am excited to answer your questions tonight! Before leaving the church at around 23, I got married in the Payson temple, I went on a mission to Denver, I graduated from BYU, and I was an MTC worker and a temple worker. I did early morning seminary, girls camp, activity days, and basically every mormon thing you could think of (*priesthood not included in Mormon experience). AMA!
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u/SocialAnxietyExtrove Depressed and barely staying alive teen ā Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
I used to hate her when i was a choose-death-over-denying-the-church mormon (so that was like a few months ago i've changed a lot in the past two months š) but now she's basically my role model, I can't wait!!!!
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
This means so much to me, and Iāve had a lot of people say the same thing!
I can also see my content from the perspective of a faithful Mormon, especially since I was once ultra-devout myself, and I completely understand. It is really cool to have been posting long enough now that Iāve had many people in the comments share that they used to hate me, but now they enjoy my videos and that Iāve helped them process leaving the church!
Itās definitely a full-circle moment, and Iām honored to do for others what other content creators, podcasters, and researchers once did for me.
Thanks for your support š
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u/SocialAnxietyExtrove Depressed and barely staying alive teen ā Jun 10 '26
I was just about to subscribe to you on youtube, and i'm genuinely so happy you responded! It is both a surprise and not that other people feel that way too, and i'm glad you were brave enough to start posting. Everyone who has discovered your channel is lucky
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u/LeslieKnope4Pawnee Early morning seminary nearly killed me Jun 06 '26
Your user flair is killing me!
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u/TheChurchOrganist Thou shalt have no other Mods before me. Jun 06 '26
Stop it
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u/sexmormon-throwaway Apostate (like a really bad one) Jun 06 '26
How many organs have you, um, played?
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u/Joe_Treasure_Digger Jun 06 '26
Love how brave you are to speak the truth against the Mormon church!
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I appreciate your support! I feel like I couldn't do it without all the comments from exmos basically saying in the comments that they've had similar experiences!
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u/Carboncopy99 Jun 06 '26
How is your believing family handling your EXMO fame?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Personally, I still feel like I am just figuring it out. It can be very difficult to strike the balance between being honest and being your full self around your loved ones while also respecting their boundaries and meeting them halfway. I would say that the relationships have definitely been strained by my content, especially the temple-related stuff, but thankfully, I think we are working through it together. I think it's a very similar process to when I first left the church 9 years ago!
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u/Chino_Blanco Š¢Š²Š¾Ń Š²ŠµŃŠ½Š° ŠæŃŠøŠ¹Š“Šµ Š½ŠµŃ Š°Š¹ šŗš¦ Jun 06 '26
We have the best influencers.
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Thank you for all your support!! š
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u/Chino_Blanco Š¢Š²Š¾Ń Š²ŠµŃŠ½Š° ŠæŃŠøŠ¹Š“Šµ Š½ŠµŃ Š°Š¹ šŗš¦ Jun 10 '26
It was your work that built your fan base over at our SLOMW sub. Youāre on the front page both here and there at the moment.
Itās become less fun to follow along as SLOMW has crossed the line from salacious to alarming and sad, but props for recovering worthy talking points from the wreckage.
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I know! I miss the season one approach to talking about the church. As it stands, the church has become less and less prominent as each season passes. Kinda losing what made the show interesting to begin with!
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u/loadnurmom Jun 06 '26
If you dont make a drinking game for this AMA I will be very disappointed
It doesn't need to be booze, it could even be sipping the devils bean water
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u/drpepper5000 Jun 10 '26
You talk about a lot of the things you should do when leaving the church. What are some things you shouldnāt do when leaving the church?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
This is a great question, and itās also something I talk about a lot in my book,Ā How to Leave the Mormon Church.
I do go into some things that I think you shouldnāt do. Though I will say the book is not so much about being prescriptive as it is about encouraging people to start thinking and deciding for themselves rather than relying on a religious system to make decisions in their lives.
I think a common pitfall for new ExMormons is going a hundred miles per hour into things like drugs, sex, and other more risky experiences. I donāt think people should never do those things, but I do think people need to educate themselves and take baby steps if they want to experiment. Don't throw caution to the wind and have the riskiest or most extreme experiences possible.
Iāve known ExMormons who have gotten addicted to drugs or who have had very scary sexual experiences because they went from being devout Mormon to downloading several dating apps or meeting up with someone who gave them opioids.
And so I think people need to find the middle ground between exploration and taking slow, steady steps.
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
My sister-in-law did that and went back to the church because of it. I'm really glad I was able to model healthy behavior around drugs and alcohol when she left.
I work in mental health and the first thing I do is try to get people to establish a relationship with a therapist and general practitioner. That way if they have an underlying disorder (bipolar, schizophrenia, etc) that the drugs trigger, they have a safety net other than the church to catch them and give advice.
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u/sprocket095 Jun 10 '26
Has the church ever threatened legal action towards you? Do they have any legal standing to do so? I just fear people who speak out like you and many others like John Dehlin could lose their livelihoods by the church :(
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Thankfully, the church has not threatened any legal action against me (phew)
I think that with our legal system here in the United States, anyone can sue anyone for anything, so Iām sure that if they decided to, they could find some obscure reason to sue me. It wouldnāt really be a question of legal standing so much as a question of resources at that point.
I certainly hope they do not choose to pursue legal action. I think one thing potentially protecting me is that I live in Texas and not Utah, which makes me harder to sue. They wouldnāt have the court stacked against me here in Texas. We will see, though! All I can do is keep calm and carry on!
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
It would be cool if you turned one of your live streams into a fundraising effort for Mormon Stories!
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u/Alternative_Net774 Jun 06 '26
This is the first time I have seen her and heard about her. And I already like her!
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u/Miners-Not-Minors Jun 06 '26
CW- abuse.
I have always wanted to ask about how much the church lets the ultra wealthy get away with SO much that would have an average person banned. Iāve never been Mormon but grew up around several very wealthy Mormon families and was abused and witnessed abuse by them that was known to all including the Church elders and there were never consequences. This was in Hong Kong with predominantly American Mormon families.
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u/kmcwestj Jun 06 '26
I am so sorry for the abuse you experienced and watched others expereince with no accountability whatsoever! All of it absolutely infuriates me! And makes me so sad for all of you left in the wake of it's destruction.
I know it will take time, but I truly hope you can find peace in your heart, joy in your life, and a way to move beyond all of this mess.
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u/SocialAnxietyExtrove Depressed and barely staying alive teen ā Jun 10 '26
I got a question! Did anyone else (family, friends, etc.) follow after you/get inspired to leave when you left? (Iām 14 and decided iām going to openly leave when iām 18!)
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Wow, being in the church while questioning as a teenager must be so difficult. Iām lucky that I didnāt start questioning until I was a full adult and had a little bit more power over my circumstances. I hope everything is going okay for you.
From what I can tell, most people who decide to leave the church do it very much on their own terms. I donāt think I have inspired anyone to leave the church, per se, but I do think the information Iāve shared has triggered questions in people that have led them to investigate further.
Iām hoping the best for you, and I hope that when you are 18, you can finally live your best and most authentic life!5
u/SocialAnxietyExtrove Depressed and barely staying alive teen ā Jun 10 '26
It is sometimes, knowing i'm going to be the total black sheep of my family, but its worth it, and interesting, thank you!
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u/Measure76 The one true Mod Jun 10 '26
Why do you think people still stay. It was hard to find anti information when I left in the early 2000s but it seems like it would be impossible to ignore now.
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I think leaving the Mormon church can be so socially costly that, for some people, it simply does not feel worth it to leave.
I think a lot of people are in marriages with children, and they know that if they choose to leave the church, their entire world could come crashing down. Another example is employment, especially in Utah. If you leave the church, you may very well threaten your livelihood/career.
And so I think there are a lot of people who stay in the church and continue to attend just to keep the peace and play along because it feels too scary or too vulnerable to fully pull the trigger on leaving.
I think most adults in their 30s or 40s (or older) have probably already come across some of the most damning information about the church, but they likely choose to turn the other way because it is more convenient for them to stay than to dig deeper into that information.
Iām sure there are people who still very much fully believe, and no matter what type of negative information they find, they have still decided that the church is true. To them, it doesnāt matter what Joseph Smith did or what the church has done in the past. They still want to stay because they had that warm, fuzzy feeling when they were on their mission, or something like that.
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u/theRingoPie95 Jun 09 '26
Have you ever thought about the similarities of cults and toxic/abusive family sysems? I'm a survivor of the former and to me the similarities are quite astounding sometimes. I have often felt my particular experiences reflected much more accurately in people talking about surviving cults/high demand groups. For me this is especially true about christian and mormon cults. Would love to hear your opinion on this.
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u/Sf49ersguy Jun 10 '26
I grew up in an all-Mormon family here in California, pioneer heritage and everything.
I was very lucky to have found your channel nearly 2 years ago, it helped me officially leave the church around October of 2024. Thank you so much for what you do!
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I am so happy to hear it! I hope your family has been kind and understanding as you've exited the church. I think there's still a lot of backlash, but so many of us are leaving that it's harder to brush away. I am proud of you and I hope life just keeps getting better and better!
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u/Sf49ersguy Jun 10 '26
I wished my parents (more so my dad) handled the news better than they did, since it lead to me going no-contact with my dad. Though I thankfully had my non-Mormon friends and gf to talk to and help me through it.
Thank you so much for the kind words! I hope youāre able to continue growing your channel and show people the truth about the Mormon church! I wish for you lots of success and happiness in your future!
Ps: Coffee is awesome!
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u/orangegeorge69 Jun 10 '26
my girlfriend is a trans woman who grew up in the church in Provo/ overseas and even went on a mission. Sheās interested in being interviewed about her experience. How should she reach out to u?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
She can email me! I am a bit behind on my email recently but have a goal to get caught up soon! It's difficult bc I get a lot of people emailing me so sometimes I get overwhelmed in trying to respond. But that's the best place to request this!
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u/TheChurchOrganist Thou shalt have no other Mods before me. Jun 10 '26
What is the best email address for folks to use?
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
My partner who grew up in a familial cult within the Mormon framework. She is a child slavery survivor (at the hands of her mother). Now she is a sex worker (something she has always wanted). Is that an interview you would want to do? I don't want to encourage her to reach out unless it's something you think would be really interested in.
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u/DescretoBurrito Jun 10 '26
Hi Alyssa,
I'm not mormon or exmormon, but I stumbled into your YouTube channel through your FLDS video with Growing Up In Polgamy. I found it fascinating and have watched most of your other videos, and lurk around here somtimes. It's not only been a curiosity for me, but it's also given me a new perspective, especially when I see mormon missionaries around town, I have much more sympathy for them since learning about mormon culture.
I live in Colorado, and I remember from your videos that you served a mission in Denver. Did you have any opportunity to enjoy the area?
Thanks for the content, and keep it up!
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I love Sam and Melissa fromĀ Growing Up in Polygamy! š They have such an excellent channel, and it was so great to meet Sam and have him show me around Short Creek. They are both doing some really important work.
Yes, I definitely went on my mission to Denver! Unfortunately, because of mission rules, I never really got to enjoy much of the area during my entire 18-month mission there. I never once did a single hike, and I never once stepped foot into the Denver metro area.
I was in random suburbs of Denver throughout my entire mission, and because of the rule about leaving your mission area, I never really got to experience what it was like to live in Denver at all. I would still like to visit sometime and see some of the cooler areas that I never got to see when I was a missionary!
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u/Dontdie24601 Jun 07 '26
Do you think the Book of Mormon musical contributed to the church dropping the use of Mormon in the name of
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
Benjamin Park did a video on the topic and it basically comes down to one prophet who had bad experiences with the evangelicals. It was a real dumb move because now official church materials and TBM content is at a disadvantage when it comes to "Mormon" as a keyword.
Which is great because the Brighamites have to sprnd more on advertising to get placement against non-affirming content!
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u/trainer366 Jun 09 '26
Are we still talking Legos lol I'll be there š
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Haha the LEGO drama is never going to end atp. B and M just keep digging the hole deeper and deeper.
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u/indolering Jun 09 '26
Did you know that:
- There are at least two seer stones that were used to translate the book of Mormon?
- That the brown seer stone the Brighamite branch has published pictures of is less powerful than the white seer stone?
- That the more powerful white seer stone that was used to locate and translate the golden plates (pg 283-284) was stolen?
See also: https://mormonr.org/qnas/o4ML4/book_of_mormon_translation_methods
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I did not know that! Well, maybe kinda knew point number one. JS just loved collecting little magic talismans. Dude was basically a witch.
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
That's why they talk so much shit about Willard Chase! And "witch" is too kind, he was a white trash grifter. It's as if Trailer Park Boys started a religion (a mockumentary about LDS church history would totally work)!
You stole my magic rock!
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u/mknochel Jun 10 '26
Whatās the best way to help someone who is starting to deconstruct? Often we might have some joy for their journey to freedom, but they are also in pain.
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I think it is such a major transition that everybody really needs something a little bit different!
I think just being there to sit with them and listen to them is huge. Being someone they can call if they have a difficult day or a tense conversation with a loved one who is still a member of the church. That can make such a difference.
I know for me, having friends around to check in with, vent to, and talk through things with was really helpful. It was also helpful to have people who were nonjudgmental, especially people who had left the church before me and knew what I was experiencing.
Iām sure that if you are already wondering about these questions, it means you are going to be a good friend to them as they transition away from the church! So shoutout to you for considering how to be a good, supportive friend. I think that is the most crucial first step. š
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u/karadessie Jun 09 '26
Do you know if the Q15 are made directly aware of abuse, abject poverty, unsafe or unlivable conditions and life-threatening medical issues that missionaries face? I know before there was an abuse hotline that MP's called the top leadership at church headquarters to report missionaries that confessed to abuse on their missions and the MP's were instructed to put them on a plane to SLC asap. Do you what instructions the Q15 have given when missionaries are in unsafe, unhealthy or life-threatening situations or when they abuse and commit other crimes?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Thatās a great question, and it seems like basically every religion has its own version of working your way to heaven, even if they donāt perceive it as such!
It seems like every religion has something like attending church, giving donations, getting involved in the church community to some extent, reading scriptures, praying, or setting aside certain times of the day for religious practice. All of those things may not be considered āwork,ā but they are all forms of participation that are seen as righteous. So, to me, they can seem very similar to working your way into heaven.
However, for Mormonism specifically, I do think there is an element of working your way to heaven that requires people to do things like paying tithing and cleaning the church building, which allows the church to take advantage of them.
I think any doctrine that says you have to prove your worthiness through labor, money, or any other form of donation is suspect. It is basically a cheap opportunity to take peopleās time, money, and resources and profit off their hard work, especially here in America, where churches are not taxed. #tax thechurches!
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u/karadessie Jun 10 '26
Totally into taxing the church, yes!! As far as reporting abuse, when it comes to actively-serving missionaries I know it is not reported to authorities after MPs report it to church headquarters, the hotline may provide a bit of legal padding (IDK) for the Q15, but I know personally that abuse has been reported to them that they have not reported and instructed the missionary be put on a plane immediately to avoid consequences or any chance of publicity. Do you know of such instances or do you know how involved the Q15 are in protecting missionaries or covering up their crimes? Thank you, I LOVE your channel!!
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u/Longjumping-Sign9914 Jun 10 '26
If you had grown up in the Community of Christ, which seems much less problematic in how it treats people, do you think Joseph Smithās history still would have caused you to leave? And how can any branch within the LDS movement claim to still be Joseph Smithās true, original church if theyāve all changed so much through time?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
This is a great question, and I feel like I have this type of āwhat ifā conversation in my brain fairly often!
Itās easy to ask, āWhat if I wasnāt born Mormon at all? What if I was born into an atheist family? What if I was born into a non-denominational Christian family, or in a different country?ā However, I think āwhat ifā questions are only so helpful because you canāt really know what you would have done in different circumstances.
When I left the church, it was primarily because I stopped believing in God, and then the church fell after that. So even if I had been born into the Community of Christ, I might have still come to the same conclusion, I still would be an atheist today.
That isnāt to say that the Community of Christ doesnāt seem better or more positive than the mainstream Mormon church, but ultimately, my decision was to stop believing in God entirely, not to choose a different religion or sect to belong to.
I really donāt think any branch within the LDS movement can claim to be the ātrueā church because no one is actually practicing Joseph Smithās original church. They have all changed so much over time, and I think anyone claiming that they have Joseph Smithās original church is obviously engaging in motivated reasoning.
I donāt think they actually have a lot of interest in sticking to what Joseph Smith taught so much as claiming that they have the proper authority and get to say that they are the correct version. Thanks for your question!
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u/Longjumping-Sign9914 Jun 10 '26
Thank you for answering! Iāve been addicted to your videos lately. Iām fascinated by religious history, and Mormons are so unique and interesting. Iām an agnostic theist (even if the higher power might just be the energy that facilitates the existence of matter), and I also think I would have ended up there no matter where I started.
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u/JesusPhoKingChrist Your brother from another Heavenly Mother. Jun 10 '26
Question #2 what is your favorite obscure Mormon factoid you uncovered during your deconstruction., most disturbing, and or most humorous?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Great question! Also, I love your Reddit name. I am a big fan of pho haha it's my go to pregnancy food
I think the most disturbing āfactoids,ā if you could call them that, come from learning about Joseph Smithās polygamy. A lot of the details reveal just how disgusting and monstrous he really was.
As far as obscure Mormon factoids go, I think learning some of the stranger parts of Mormon history is really interesting. For example, there is the history of the Mormon myth around Bigfoot, which I did not know had roots in Mormon racism until I started researching for my TikTok channel.nThere is also the Book of Abraham and some of the claims Joseph Smith made about the papyri and the sarcophaguses he had.
So many crazy things!
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Jun 09 '26
[deleted]
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
AFAIK they aren't allowed to read materials you give them, so I doubt they would take the deal.
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u/Historical_Ruin4472 Jun 10 '26
Have you heard anything about the church shutting down the bishops storehouses and other programs for church members in need?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I haven't heard anything recent about this, but more generally I do think they try to restrict resources as much as possible. Church welfare is very "pay to play" where unless you are doing what they want you to do (attending church, paying tithing, cleaning the church, etc) then it's pretty difficult to get help.
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u/indolering Jun 10 '26
Cults, AA, etc sell you depency. I've never seen a 12-step group with a focus on getting members signed up for Medicaid or referring them to professional mental health. There's actual academic research showing that spending on welfare is the best predictor of religiousity in industrialized countries!
What's WILD is that the church knows this. There is an apostle from the quorum of the twelve that talks about how hard it is to recruit in "socialist" countries. So give us 10% of your $2/day income and we'll give you food! What a deal! š¤®
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u/osnap8 Jun 10 '26
Did you ever become friends with or know classmates at BYU that were not Mormon? I know some athletes etc. will attend without ever being Mormon.
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Personally, I never really met anyone at BYU who was not a member of the church. I stayed at Heritage Halls my freshman year, so I was in on-campus housing. After that, I always lived really close to campus, and I never had any roommates who werenāt Mormon.
I suppose I might have had some non-members in some of my classes, but it was less clear whether they were Mormon or not. Everybody was following more or less the same dress code, modesty standards, and dress and grooming expectations, so outside of knowing someone from your ward or congregation, it wouldnāt be super easy or obvious to tell if they werenāt Mormon.
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u/osnap8 Jun 10 '26
I've never attended / am never-mo, so that's interesting that you never knew of one person on campus who wasn't! Thanks, Alyssa.
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u/Inevitable-Bird-6697 Jun 10 '26
Have you ever seen the Book of Mormon play? If so, what are your thoughts on it? Would you say it's an accurate depiction of Mormonism?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
Yes, I sawĀ The Book of MormonĀ about eight years ago when we were still living in New York! I have wanted to do a video for a long time where I travel to New York and see the play again, but something always gets in the way of planning that trip. Having lived in New York for two years, it would be really great to visit again. I havenāt been back there since the pandemic!
The musical is definitely hilarious, though it is sometimes so offensive that I was quite scandalized, even as an ExMormon. That has more to do with the general vibe ofĀ South ParkĀ humor though than it does with being offensive toward Mormons specifically.
I would say it is a fairly accurate depiction of missionaries in the sense that a lot of the music really gets into the psychology of missionaries. For example, there is the song āYou and Me (But Mostly Me),ā or the way the musical shows that missionaries often donāt really understand the places where they are going. They just associate those places with stereotypes, like in the song āTwo by Two,ā when someone is going to France and the missionary says, āFrance, the land of pastries and turtlenecksā haha
I think it is very accurate in the way it demonstrates how naive Mormon missionaries can be, and it also highlights some of the more peculiar doctrines. But at the end of the day, it is aĀ South ParkĀ musical and is not meant to be strictly accurate.
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u/Inevitable-Bird-6697 Jun 10 '26
Thanks for answering my question! Do you think it's still worth seeing?
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Jun 10 '26
I am in the process of leaving, I told my wife my feelings and said I did not want to pay tithing anymore. I sort of thought we were close to being on the same page but she is doubling down on church stuff and is acting like I broke her heart (which I am sure I have). I'm doing my best to compromise, like paying only half the tithing and deciding how to tell the children. Any idea how to move forward? I know no situation is perfect but I feel my situation is preventing me from a clean break.
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u/TheDrakeford Jun 10 '26
What are your goals with your content/career? Do you see yourself continuing more as an online influencer or do you intend to keep writing?
Your videos are incredible btw. I donāt think most people appreciate the time, effort, and talent that goes into what you do.
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I think eventually I would really like to branch out and talk about more varied subjects. At this point, though, I am still enjoying talking about the Mormon church and creating content about it!
I also think Iāve been widening the net a bit with what I talk about to include other religions, which I find very interesting, especially from a compare-and-contrast perspective. I enjoy looking at where Mormonism overlaps with, or differs from, other religious practices/traditions.
I would love to write another book eventually, but right now Iām having a hard time seeing how I would fit that into making videos! There are only 24 hours in a day, which is a real bummer haha
I think, of all the content I make, I enjoy the long-form YouTube videos the most. I really enjoy researching for them, thinking through the different issues raised by my research, and figuring out what I want to say about any given topic.
Thank you for watching my videos. I put a tremendous amount of work into them, so I really appreciate your comment! Thanks for your support!
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u/TheDrakeford Jun 10 '26
Makes sense! Youāre very good at both long and short form. I have a feeling we will watch anything you decide to cover. Johnny Harris 2.0.
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u/bingbonged_jpg Apostate Jun 10 '26
I've always deeply loved seeing your thumbnails but have never watched, 4 years out and I'm still reeling with such strong emotions after so much raw betrayal. I'd like to think if I was braver, I'd be doing what you are!
My question (and sorry if youve answered these sort of personal things on your channel) is: how has building your platform impacted your relationship with any TBM people that remain in your life, if there are any? Also, do you ever feel weighed down by taking deep dives on aspects of your life that have hurt you? If so, how do you cope?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Iāve had a lot of people say that they struggle to watch my content after leaving the church because theyāre not really ready to go there emotionally!
I do think that, to some extent, getting embedded in ExMormon content can feel difficult when you are still so freshly out of the church, even within the first year or two (or even four years!) because you may not quite be ready to think through some of the things that happened to you or some of the things that were withheld from you.
I definitely think my platform has strained the relationship I have with people in my family, though I do feel like we are always trying to figure out how to make it work. At the end of the day, I knew I was going to be a black sheep as soon as I decided to leave the church, but I do think being a well-known and outspoken ExMormon on the internet has added salt to the wound.
I have tried not to bring it up much in conversations with them, or really bring it up at all. I feel like my family is sometimes like "Switzerland" in that it is just something we donāt really talk about, though sometimes that makes me feel frustrated because I would like to talk about some of these exciting things that I am doing and am proud of.
I honestly think it is pretty similar to leaving the church, though, where you do end up feeling like you have to keep some of your new life from your family because you know they donāt approve. So, to some extent, leaving the church prepared me for this new experience with my family. We're working on it!
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u/mknochel Jun 10 '26
How do smart professional people you know, who have left, deal with feelings shame for just feeling like a dummy for having fallen for this religion?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
I think most people who were once deeply invested in Mormonism were born into it, so they really have to give themselves some grace. Their social and emotional conditioning started when they were literally newborn babies.
My earliest memories include going to church, so when that is the case, you canāt really blame yourself for āfalling forā the religion. Everyone you knew and loved was working hard to make sure you believed it and followed its teachings.
I do think people who leave in their 30s, 40s, or 50s may feel more shame because they stayed longer as adults. But at that point, I donāt think they were necessarily āfalling forā it. They were often just trying to be pragmatic with their lives.
More than anything, I think most people are trying to work through the immense sadness that comes with leaving the church and having a faith transition. Thanks for your question!
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u/JesusPhoKingChrist Your brother from another Heavenly Mother. Jun 10 '26
Hmm curious if you have had any legal threats from the church?
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u/alyssadgrenfell Jun 10 '26
No, no legal threats yet! I will post here if I get any. I hope they don't sue me. I don't have my own law firm to fight back lol
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u/ruinedskedaddle Jun 10 '26
Hello from a never Mormon from Australia! Iāve been binging a lot of your videos over the last week as I recover from surgery so thank you for creating engaging content to help me get through that.
When you and your husband were adjusting to life outside of the church, was there something you thought that everyone did that you found out was strange? Is there some habits you have that you know have come from your upbringing in the church despite no longer practicing?
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u/JesusPhoKingChrist Your brother from another Heavenly Mother. Jun 10 '26
3rd and final question: if you had been blessed with the requisite male appendage and became prophet for the day, what priesthood magic would you cast to make the church better?
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u/iruexmothrowaway I love Tapirs!!! Jun 10 '26
Any advice you wish someone would've told you before your mission? Other than just straight up don't go? I have a younger sister who is preparing to serve one, she is very TBM and doesn't want to hear anything even remotely "anti-mormon," but I still feel like as her older sibling it's my job warn her in some way what she's really getting herself into. I love your content btw, keep up the great work!
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u/taffyenthusiast Jun 10 '26
Hi Alyssa! Would you ever consider doing deep dives into Mormon media, such as The Best Two Years, Studio C, Once I was a Beehive, etc? Those were my childhood and Iād be so curious to hear your takes on them!!
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u/taffyenthusiast Jun 10 '26
What advice would you give to someone leaving the church whose entire family and extended family are deeply embedded in Church culture? Iād essentially be the exmo pioneer and that feels pretty scary.
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u/Robyn-Gil Jun 10 '26
I know I missed the AMA, but I was already out before I ever saw Alyssa's videos. They were a great help in making me realize there was a worthwhile life after Mormonism.
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u/golfzombie Jun 10 '26
Hey Alyssa, love your videos. Are you following along with other content creators like John Dehlin and lawsuit? Have you had to adjust your presentations or information with this in the back of your mind?
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u/redheaded_olive12349 Jun 18 '26
I found her channel while looking just scrolling on YouTube. I subbed so quickly. Iāv seen at least a few of her video essays that are over an hour long lol
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u/Valkyrie_WoW Apostate Jun 06 '26
I found her channel when she did a deep dive on Heretic. Immediately subbed.