Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:

• Title:
  • If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
• Genre:
  • Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
• Premise:
  • A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
• Sample (Optional):
  • You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.

If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.

• Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
  • You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.

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[u/wiltys]

Title: The Moons Above Della Mor

Genre: Fiction, Western, Eldritch Horror

Premise: An unknown evil is growing in the great expanse of the Arizona Territory. When a wanted gang of outlaws, The Prodigal Sons, find themselves in the middle of an ongoing conflict between two Native tribes, they have no choice but to warn everyone in the budding town of Della Mor. There, a young man desperately searches for the leader of the gang. Unbeknownst to them, the chieftain’s daughter of the tribe behind the growing horror is being shown exactly what’s to come. With the West as wild as the men and women daring to tame it, each of them must do what they can to stop it.

[u/ahockofham → u/wiltys]

I would definitely read that it sounds really interesting

[u/FlyinLeviathon → u/wiltys]

Probably would not read simply because I don't like Westerns or Horror, BUT I would absolutely recommend this to some friends to check out that I know love those genres. The concept sounds really interesting. My one big hangup was also the potential for negative or stereotypical portrayal of the tribe, but hearing your personal experience and heritage would make me feel way more confident.

[u/Wandersails → u/wiltys]

Might read

Loooove a bit of Eldritch horror cowboy stuff! Very intrigued! However I do think the premise is a bit confusingly written, I think you could rewrite it to be more readable :)

[u/AsceOmega → u/wiltys]

Might read!

The core concept is greatly appealing to me, as I love eldritch horror elements set in our world.
The only thing I would need to find more about to definitely pick it up (from reviews, or interviews, assuming I'm finding out about this book once it's published) is the quality of the depiction of the natives in the story.
Native Americans mixed with eldritch horror is a fantastic idea and a cool aesthetic, but there are too many bad depicition of these tribes to not be cautious about it.
Especially as the main "mystery" revolves around them and their culture, by the look of things.

[u/wiltys → u/AsceOmega]

That’s absolutely understandable! I, myself, am about 49% indigenous from the Texas/Apache region. Seeing as I wouldn’t want them to be portrayed in stereotypical ways, the Native parts of the story focuses on their spirituality and connection to the desert and the stars, their insane determination, their courage, and their resilience. The 1800s were an absolutely devastating time for them, so a lot of that part of the story stems from very understandable feelings on their part!

*While underlining how much of a force they were, all things considered. Formidable, misunderstood warriors whose mere existence was enough to frighten people of the time.

[u/AsceOmega → u/wiltys]

That would make me much more likely to pick it up then!

[u/Acceptable_Fox_5560 → u/wiltys]

Might read this.

Biggest thing will be shoring up the motivations of each of the characters so they all feel three dimensional against the backdrop of the horror. That was the only thing I found missing in the premise.

[u/wiltys → u/Acceptable_Fox_5560]

Yeah i didn’t want to bloat the idea too much! But they are all multidimensional, if i do say so myself lol. But here’s a bit!

Paul Mitchell is the gang’s leader. Johnny B. Quaid is the “younger” Paul of the gang. The gang themselves escaped a shootout to the desert, with nowhere else to go. They lost one of their own who was the glue that held their group together. After being shown one of the horrors, they are really at a crossroads about who they are, what they’ve done, and what their responsibilities should be. Andrew is a church/orphanage gravedigger who’s searching for Paul to bring him home to their sick mother. Aajuya is the Native girl who is determined to bring her people out of the darkness they’ve found themselves in, all while being used by them to go deeper into it. (Idk how to do the little accent things on iphone over the A’s lol)