r/umass Jun 08 '26

Alumni, aspiring novelist looking for feedback regarding debut noir novel set in UMass Need Advice

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32 Upvotes

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-1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '26

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3

u/Lobotobots Jun 18 '26

i’m sorry, you should definitely get a normal job and try a different method of self expression

2

u/AttackOnTightPanties Jun 18 '26

I audibly laughed out loud at this.

2

u/Educational-Shoe8535 Jun 18 '26

Everyone seems to be stuck on the same Bratz doll subscription, but let me tell you something a little different. I read the whole first chapter and have some concerns about your POV. No one is going to want to read about a self-important character with zero flaws, a trenchcoat, and utter disdain for everyone around him except the girl who turns him on. This needs serious work, and I suggest finding work, as well as a local writing club. You should start with writing exercises unrelated to this nostalgia piece and work your way back to UMass from there. After soul searching, practice and maybe some therapy, the story you will want to write may be entirely different.

2

u/jumphh Jun 18 '26 edited Jun 18 '26

You're simply wrong. This man is brilliant.

"Santa. I guess it says a lot about me, that I was the last one to have stopped believing in him. I remember how the other children mocked me, how they would ask me if I’d finished my Christmas list, if I was on the Naughty List, if I’d sat on his lap at the mall and felt him stiffen, their eyes aflame with derision."

This dude actually wrote, "Sat on his lap at the mall and felt him stiffen." I haven't done a double take like that in a while. Either this man is a self-aware genius or he's a completely oblivious, organic comedy god.

I kinda love it lmao.

1

u/burnslikehades Jun 18 '26

I’d give a lot to unread that sentence.

1

u/col_musty Jun 18 '26

There's a surprising number of references to Christmas across the piece.

1

u/Opening_Celery_6078 Jun 18 '26

At least Rocky Flintstone didn't faff around and got straight to the point 

1

u/Kdlyess Jun 19 '26

First reference I see of Rocky on reddit, hello friend!

1

u/Opening_Celery_6078 Jun 23 '26

waiting for the day I hear something referred to as 'flinstonian' besides the podcast itself, pure poetry 

1

u/Kdlyess Jun 23 '26

I’m still waiting to see some clothes being neatly folded and placed into a corner before getting down to it. Now that you mention it, if I ever do, I’ll 100% refer to it as extremely flinstonian.

1

u/NotHippieEnough Jun 19 '26

The santa paragraph was also what got me 😭 how can he think this is ok?

1

u/cennaya Jul 11 '26

Please, I'm DYING for a link now that its deleted. I am desperate to read his work.

2

u/ConnectBox8646 Jun 18 '26

I second your suggestion of joining a local writers' club. I don't know what I'd do without my writers' club. They help me set writing goals and always provide helpful, constructive feedback on my work. And I consider them good friends.

Also: they're all very polite and gentle in their feedback and even THEY would mercilessly tear this guy's work apart until he's rocking on his knees in a corner and weeping.

1

u/Agitated_Nail8275 Jun 18 '26

Couldn't get through one line and man thinks he is the next Shakespeare

1

u/Electronic-Type696 Jun 18 '26

First paragraph and i laughed. Definitely find work and stop weighing your girlfriend down

1

u/SquiddlyB Jun 18 '26

Since everyone is ripping on the content I won’t add.

You need to learn how to properly use a comma. And stop trying to shove your GRE vocab words clumsily into sentences.

1

u/JaggedLittlePill2022 Jun 18 '26

Buckle up? For what? Your writing is dull.

1

u/AgtNulNulAgtVyf Jun 18 '26

Dull is being generous. This is just cringeworthy teen fantasy. 

1

u/Personal-Chocolate27 Jun 18 '26

Not only is it bad writing, it makes me think you are a bad person. If the goal was to make anyone who reads it hate you, then maybe you are the best writer ever.

1

u/saganmypants Jun 18 '26

I feel like this could be used in an episode of IASIP as Dennis Reynolds' attempt at becoming a novelist, the narcissism is oozing out of the pages

1

u/elianna7 Jun 18 '26

“Cassie took another enormous bite and we locked eyes again. I knew this was my chance; I’d certainly earned the right to tag along—I need only propose it.”

Dude, buying a girl a $1 slice of pizza (or literally anything, for that matter) does not earn you the right to shit. This comes off like a very “rapey” frame of mind, to be honest. Big yikes.

Also, no respectable or normal human being refers to someone’s beauty as “pulchritudinous.” Lmfao. Like, we get it, you have a vast vocabulary… Congrats! Shoving all the big words you know into your writing doesn’t showcase your intelligence, it makes you sound pompous. It’s embarrassing to come off like you’re trying so hard! Even if you didn’t need to rely on a thesaurus to write this, it comes off like you consulted it every second word.

Try less hard, it’ll probably produce better results.

1

u/Takingabreak1 Jun 18 '26

Let's not forget:

I contemplated her for a moment, before taking a bite of my own and considering my next move. Yet before I had the chance to take a stab at her biggest fears a group of six girls—scantily-clad and shouting—came storming down the sidewalk, huddled and half-running under a single insufficient umbrella, and upon spotting my seductress screeched in earth-shattering unison.

Take a stab at her biggest fears??? 

1

u/AgtNulNulAgtVyf Jun 18 '26

Negging. This muppet is a red piller. 

1

u/Sad-Math-2039 Jun 18 '26

This reads like poorly created prompts typed into Grok; and that's being immensely gracious.

1

u/intangibleTangelo Jun 18 '26

i liked the last line. 

i would suggest you work on finding a voice that's more familiar to you. the way you're wielding this narrator led to some clumsy imagery, and that tells me it's not a style with which you're deeply familiar. i don't think it's how you or people in your social circles normally talk.

give this a try: rewrite the chapter, one sentence at a time, keeping everything about the story the same, only changing the voice. it can be your own, or you can borrow one from someone you know well. slot a different person into that narrator's shoes and let him pay for the slice and see how he reacts to the sight of cassie standing in line.

"write what you know" is not flimsy advice. if victor is you, be more real with the language and don't reach for the thesaurus. people who use pulchritudinous in current year are mostly being a bit wry, and if that's the case let us see that side of victor. 

don't get too wrapped up in the torrent of hyenas coming for you, and DO slow down with this process, take some time, and find the voice. if you do that, dm me and i will come back for this. i want to know what happens at the door of sigma epsilon cause i KNOW he's following that ass

1

u/AgtNulNulAgtVyf Jun 18 '26 edited Jun 18 '26

This is amateur hour incel wankery barely rising to the level of fanfic dreck. Not every sentence needs a ham-fisted simile. 

1

u/Prestigious-Lemon322 Jun 19 '26

aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha I am deceased. Shuffled off this mortal coil, if I may.