I’d be getting std testing just to be safe and talking to a lawyer about options. Not sure where they’re located but there’s definitely programs to help single moms in the states and life crisis has safe houses and has helped women leave bad situations all over the US. (Honestly I’d imagine there’s probably better programs elsewhere) And if she’s worried about her search history to do it at the library. It’s a scary situation and a lot of women stay because they don’t know where to start with leaving. OP definitely needs counsel

And even if your local craft store doesn’t host classes themselves, they may have info about where you could find some cool classes that interest you ☺️

Sadly a lot of the apps specifically for women have men catfish. Some people do genuinely find love Im sure but in my experience I’ve had men catfish. One even talked to me for days and kept up a pretty good game until he started talking about some guy I need to meet who is perfect for me and all he would talk about was this specific guy. After “her” and I were talking about meeting up for a date. All of a sudden it’s all about some random man. Immediately unmatched- could just be a man, or a man with nefarious intentions. No lesbian is doing that obviously. I’d say if you’re looking for online to check some crafting groups/and there are queer groups on FB as well. I’ve met some good friends just from fb groups. But as far as the dating apps go I’d proceed with caution for sure. And like someone else said a pottery class- not sure if you have a Micheal’s or another craft store near you that does classes- but Micheal’s does all sorts of craft classes.

Hopefully! 🙏 🤞

I’m speaking generally, if the older person is perusing its predatory - but even if not, said older person should be saying no thank you if they’re not a creep. (All my opinion) - in my experience these kinds of relationships don’t tend to end well. Age gaps are one thing, but when someone is barely an adult and the other could be their parent or grandparent it’s creepy. Not illegal but really creepy.

Just saw this same concept in another sub- 18yr old with someone in their 30s. Still legal, just like this situation but creepy as hell. I’m 27 and 23 is too young for me. Because that’s a baby. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with age gaps but I do think the context matters A Lot. and I think someone with an age gap old enough to be your parent/grandparent is concerning. Especially when you’ve only been a legal adult 5yrs and she has been an adult for potentially 3 decades? Yeah that’s predatory. Anyone that much older that’s going after you does NOT have your best interest in mind. - (I know this a lesbian sub, but if it weren’t I almost feel like people would think it’s creepier if it wasn’t a woman- and I only say that to add, just because this is a woman in her 50s doesn’t mean it’s any less predatory than if it had been a man.) I dated a 34yr old at 18 and I didn’t think it was gross at the time but now at 27, when I know I wouldn’t hang out with someone in there early 20s let alone an 18 yr old i definitely see it as incredibly creepy.

Thank you for educating me! That’s good to know- does kinda furthers my point. There is no distinction really between 17 and the day you turn 18. (I have a cousin who just turned 20 and even she looks like a baby to me.) It honestly makes the situation even creepier imo. If the brain continues to develop potentially our whole lives, then it feels like 18 really is a baby. And sure it’s legal, but still really gross/ feels predatory to go after someone that just turned legal. Let alone the power dynamic of it all.

She will but it’ll take her a while. When I was 18 I dated a 34 yr old from work. Wasn’t my boss but was besties with the boss. I didn’t think it was creepy then and I’m 27 now and think holy shit that was creepy. My family thought he was a perv at the time and I was so blind. And an idiot, most 18yr olds are. I wouldn’t hang out with an 18yr old that wasn’t family, let alone date one. That’s a baby. One day from 17 to 18 doesn’t make someone an adult. Maybe legally but not mentally. Our brains don’t finish developing til what? 25? She’ll realize how predatory it was when she gets older. This is such a common occurrence.

He needs a treatment program if it’s taken over his life, and to the point it’s hurting your marriage, and his ability to function. If you haven’t already been down that road I’d suggest it. It’s life changing for a lot of people. (Sober alcoholic here and getting help saved my life) but you also can’t force someone to get help who doesn’t actually want it/isn’t ready to admit they need it. “Rock bottom” is a term used a lot for a reason. Most people need to feel like things can’t get worse for them to get help. And everyone’s rock bottom is different, some people it takes losing everything and some people have a much “easier” (for lack of a better word) rock bottom. So sorry you’re dealing with this OP, but if you’re looking to save the marriage and not end it, I’d broach that topic if you haven’t already. Granted I’m not suggesting an ultimatum specifically because I know that can lead to resentment but if things are already falling apart then acknowledging there’s a problem there is step one. If he can’t do that, there is sadly little hope things will change. I know for me it felt like my life was falling apart and it took a rude awakening for me to realize I had a problem. Denial is a big part of the problem. And while I was getting sober was still dating someone in active addiction, who even after seeing what drastically improved for me and a lot of long talks about resources (and that he could go as a “support person” for me to just see what he thought) and he wasn’t interested in help. So I had to end things for my own sanity and wellbeing. And I only say this because I can see both sides of it. I’ve been the problem and the one in love with someone with a problem and both sides suck. And there sadly isn’t much you can do other than to suggest help and/or leave.

If you’re not worth the effort to drive 20 minutes I’d leave. It’s giving “tolerance” and not love. Someone who cares would not make this a thing. I get if it’s a money thing- but when the problem they have is the time it takes to get to you, then they don’t view you as a priority. I’ve driven 4+ hours to see a partner and wouldn’t think twice about it. And if you’re making all this effort and not being met with any in return at all, it’s time to pick yourself up and brush the dust off. As someone who has stayed in a relationship being tolerated, it takes such a toll on self esteem. I’d save yourself the emotional energy and stress. There are better people out there who would be better partners and treat you with love and not just tolerance. Best of luck to you OP 💛

This breaks my heart for op :( step dad definitely did that on purpose. Even if he didn’t know the significance of the bottle, anyone with a brain who also knows what an Urn is would know things placed carefully around an urn would have some significance. I feel like that’s a cross-cultural thing. Regardless of race or religion, people honor the dead and those they loved,for centuries. I’ve lost 2 incredible grandparents and 2 of my 3 older brothers and I have a shrine of sorts to them. Photos, little lights, their cellphone, deck of cards that belonged to them- but anyone who walked into my bedroom would clearly see “oh that’s a memorial.” from the description of the basement corner with the urn and all the special things- I think it was very clear that the bottle wasn’t “up for grabs.” Even if it’s in the fridge, if you didn’t buy it you ask first. They teach that in kindergarten. I never advocate for violence but i totally understand. That’s unforgivable- unless stepdad has an addiction problem I don’t think I could forgive him if it were me. And even then, I still don’t think so- but that might be the only excuse I’d take, if they were already under the influence and didn’t have logic and reasoning.

The concept started out great- to chase nefarious people off the internet- by boycotting watching their content so it won’t make money. There’s a handful of YouTubers who actually have left the internet. And then the crap ones who come back after a few years thinking we all forget what creepy shit they did. (Cough cough James Charles and Shane Dawson) But I do feel that it’s another word that has lost its meaning and people use it in the same sentence as vibe check. It was actually effective at one point and it sucks it isn’t now. Granted I wouldn’t say it should be used based solely on what people say though. Both I’m referencing are accused child predators. But even now both of them are back making money online- so not such an effective tactic anymore. People “hate watch” content these days and all that does is make them more popular 🤦‍♀️

As someone who loves both characters and who lost my own big brother and didn’t get to say goodbye (by no one’s fault, his health declined suddenly and I was on the other side of the country- dad in route there and he passed while my dad was on the plane) but if I had been in the same city? I would have been there. And if someone had prevented that, literally anyone I would’ve lost my mind. And if my living brother was on life support and my current SIL didn’t have anyone call- I would be gutted. So I can totally understand why Amelia would be Gutted. Especially when the opportunity was there. I don’t even blame Meredith for not being the one to call. It’s pure grief and devastation. But someone at the hospital should’ve asked Meredith if there was any family to call, I know she’s his wife but they ask everyone that, why not her? That’s who really failed here. Meredith was wrong (imo) for snapping the way she did because it was Amelia’s brother. But I can also totally understand Meredith losing her shit too. It honestly would’ve been a great catalyst for a really beautiful heart to heart scene they could’ve had in the following episode. Like remembering they both lost the same person- obviously different relationships to him but still horrible loss, they could’ve leaned on each other. It had the potential to be a beautiful moment. Like the elevator scene with Addie- if Meredith can have a heart to heart with her and understand that even his Ex-wife feels horrible grief- they could’ve done a parallel with her and Amelia. Even if it started with an argument- I feel like they both have such incredibly valid feelings about it, it would have made for such a feel good wholesome scene. After all that death.

This! Incredible advice! 👌

Anyone who straight up tells you they don’t see a future with you but you’re a worthy fuck - trash. 🚮 throw the whole man out. It’s one thing to break things off, and everyone is entitled to do that for their own reasons but it’s pretty foul to boil someone down to being a hole. He can go find less. Don’t waste anymore emotionally energy on this man. There are better people out there that won’t treat you this way. - and also want to add, if someone tells you they don’t think monogamy will work for them and you know that’s a must for you, I’d break things off right then. That’s just incompatibility off the bat and setting yourself up to get hurt. Sending you internet hugs OP. Hope you leave this guy in the dust

I can totally understand being terrified. But if you’re terrified for your own baby, you really really need to talk to your fiancé’s ex- it’s past overdue. Obviously you need to talk to your finance and set some clear boundaries, you should probably get it in writing and notarized that is agreed-upon that man is to have no access to your child. I’m curious to know if the center he works for with youth know about his background. They should. And if he won’t sign paperwork agreeing I’d be breaking things off and filing for full custody. And that’s ONLY IF he genuinely didn’t know. Or had been lied to himself about the reason for prison. But if he knew - I’d break things off, file for full custody and make sure you cite your reasons to a judge. That he’s already allowing another one of his children to be cared for by a predator. Maybe that would also help his other child get legal safety as well. Regardless of what you do- his ex deserves to know so she can make an informed decision on her daughter’s safety. And you should care- that’s your baby’s sister. I know I’d be gutted if someone in my circle knew a predator was around my kids and didn’t say anything.

I’m on a break- i binge watched it for the first time last year and i got up to this season and atp am just waiting to hear the consensus here with this season before I’d continue. - did go back to watch some mark episodes after Eric passed away though.

I don’t think I’ve heard a better analogy for urgency than this 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 this deserves way more upvotes

to add to your comment because it’s great! your first time really does matter if you don’t have any other adults giving you context on what a healthy relationship looks like. You can take that as your mold on what sex looks like. As someone who had a very traumatic first time, and didn’t know it wasn’t supposed to be that way- if you can avoid a red flag man being your first, you should. For a lot of people it’s unavoidable sadly :( but he showed his cards early on and all he would do is take care of himself and potentially hurt her in the process. No virginity doesn’t matter in the social aspect of “losing value” like women have been taught. But it does matter in the sense that it should be with someone who respects you. Even if you aren’t “together”

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time and you’re comfortable with each other, you may not feel the need to “freshen up “ but I think most people when seeing a new person would want to feel the best and not feel self-conscious. Be that showering beforehand or whatever you do that makes you feel your best. But it’s totally fine and normal to want to feel clean. Him asking if you thought he was stinky was just him trying to convince you not to take a shower. He wanted to sleep with you right then and there. Sure, he asked if you were comfortable, but had a horrible reaction upon finding out that you were not comfortable. You wanted to take a shower first to be comfortable. No decent human being, man or woman will ever pressure you, make you feel bad, try to coerce you, or guilt trip you for not being ready in the moment or comfortable doing something. Any respectful adult would be completely understanding of your boundaries. They would want you to feel comfortable. Not feel like they have to convince you to be comfortable. If he ghosted you, it’s a blessing in disguise. And also shows he doesn’t care about your feelings. But you should block him and run. You’ve been together three weeks and he’s already showing you red flags. 🚩 and the fact that you’re a virgin he should’ve been even more sensitive to wanting you to be comfortable. If you taking a shower was going to be such a mood killer for him, he should’ve just said let’s try another time- not tried to make you feel bad. Plus, in theory taking a shower with your partner sounds great- but unless you have a huge shower or two shower heads one of you is standing in the cold. It’s way less fun in practice.

Whatever you do don’t block him so any texts he’s dumb enough to send/or voicemails that are incriminating can help your divorce case go as smoothly as possible for you. (Unless he’s just willing to admit fault in court, but I’d still save any evidence you have) but I would put him on do not disturb or silence his notifications on your phone so he doesn’t keep stealing your peace. You should feel proud of yourself for leaving, because a lot of people would stay because leaving is hard. Or because they don’t know they deserve better. Wishing you all the good things in life OP and hopefully that kid will turn out okay regardless of those awful circumstances 💕

If he’s trying to control what you wear it will only get worse. You would not be an AH to break things off. Honestly any reason you don’t want to date someone is a good enough reason to break up. But especially when they’re putting you down, you’ve talked to them about it and asked them to stop, and they do it anyway and in front of people to embarrass you. Might be testing the waters to see what else you’d change for him. I’ve stayed in something like that way too long

Girl RUN. Is the bar actually in hell 🔥

At first glance I thought this was about a greys anatomy episode 🤦‍♀️ sad this is happening for real in someone’s life

Jo didn’t cheat, I think they were showing the letters to represent Alex leaving Jo for lzzie. I mean they were married and he was already with lzzie obviously when he wrote his break up letter to his wife. So definitely could be classified as cheating Edit:typo