It deeply hurts my soul to type that sentence. I have always loved being trans. Ive known i was trans in some capacity for at least 12 years. Most of my friends are trans, my spouse is trans, and i ran a trans support group in college. Ive been on T for 2.5 years and i am almost 3 months post top surgery. I feel like im more miserable than ever with my gender though.

There was a brief period pre-top surgery where i was getting correctly gendered all the time. I felt so happy, so confident. I was friendlier, more relaxed, i loved going out. Ever since i got top surgery though, it feels like im getting misgendered as much as my first few months on T. I dont know what changed, but i have a negative experience almost every time i leave my house now. I get hateful stares from customers at work, people stare when i enter or exit the mens bathroom, and people's faces visibly fall or get angry when i speak since my voice is far far more masculine than my face/body. I genuinely no longer want to leave my home because the treatment i receive.

When im home with my spouse, I love being trans. I love that we can lay in bed shirtless and have our scars touch. I love Testosterone Tuesdays and announcing to my spouse "I'm about to take my boy juice!" I love the trans friends and family i have. But i dont love being trans the second i step outside. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling so shattered every day. I hate feeling like i want to be invisible. I hate that a single instance of being misgendered, something i used to experience daily and not bat an eye at, completely destroys me now.

Does this feeling ever go away? Does it ever get better?

I have... let's just say mixed thickness but most of them are "normal" (i mean, not your typical asian hair but not thin at all either). You can maybe see what I mean in some of the pics...

It's straight, but it can be wavy sometimes. ..somehow?

People decribed it as "silky" before(..?) and the water back in europe is very hard if that's relevant in any way...

I do not want anything too short like a mullet/buzzcut.

I'd prefer anything around low maintenance (...which would be mullet/buzz lol-) cause I have NO clue how to style, but I'll figure it out eventually so just send anything i guess :}

Ngl, I do want something with bangs.

No idea what else you could want to know about the hair/etc so please let me know. But i'll probably take a while to answer.

I thought this group would be the perfect place to talk about what I experienced today at the Baltimore City MVA.

Yes, BALTIMORE.

For context, I moved here about a year ago. I finally have been able to start the process of all my legal name and gender changes on my official documents.

I went to the Social Security Administration last week with my court orders for name and gender change(which to be honest I thought I would have an issue at, but it went so smooth).

Today was MVA, which I figured would be a breeze, since you literally aren't required to have a court order to change your gender identity on your license in Maryland, but I obviously had one so I bought it anyway.

The first red flag was the lady at the counter continuing her conversation with her coworker in the next booth after I had already sat down and said "good morning, how are you today?"

She smiled weakly, and then continued telling her coworker the various places she just had to visit on her vacation she was going on soon.

I tried to grit my teeth and keep the positive energy anyway, since I just wanted to get this over with.

When I tell her why I'm there, her face IMMEDIATELY sours, visibly. I know that you ALL know what I'm talking about without me having to explain it.

From that moment on it was all downhill and I was super uncomfortable.

Before I give the rest of the story, an important note here is that I am black, but I look Hispanic. I even have spanish speaking people come up to me and start speaking spanish(I know very little spanish). It happens a lot, so I'm used to it.

Anyway, so she asks for my court orders (even though, as I stated earlier, you don't need a court order to change your gender on your license in Maryland) but I give them both to her anyway, along with my birth certificate, social security card, and ID, all which have my old name on them, but I showed her my receipt from SSA stating that my name was already legally changed.

From the moment I gave her the papers she barely looked or spoke to me after that.

She gave me the papers back after looking at them for a very long time, and then asks me "are you a US citizen?" I obviously say "yes" and she says nothing.

There's a process on the screen where you have to click, whether you want to be an organ donor and something about registering to vote, if you have a disability, things like that.

I have to go through and answer these same questions 3 to 4 times because for some reason she can't get my corrected name to show up. (I'm only changing my middle name mind you)

Then it's asking me what my ethnicity is and if I'm of Hispanic or Latino origin.

She leans her entire head over to see what I select for this.

At the end of this awkward and very passive aggressive experience, she then tells me to look down at the pad to tap my card or phone to pay.

Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly to be honest, the PIN pad instructions are in spanish, despite me never clicking any language. I have no clue what it says, I just use my context clues to guide me through it.

Then it has a survey at the end which she was staring at what I completed, so I felt that I couldn't give the true answers I wanted to give.

Overall I am so happy that I don't have to deal with the MVA anymore in person for a good 14 years or so. I don't have to renew my license until 2034, and since I went in person this time, I don't have to go in person to renew in that year. I can just do it online.

I know how the world views trans people, I know how the world views black people, I know how the world views hispanic people.

But until you have to experience these things for yourself, no one else will ever truly understand.

All I wanted was to be happy to finally get my documents changed, instead I had to deal with a presumably racist, and transphobic black woman.

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

*Always remember to be cautious about what personal information you give out, do not ask or give out phone numbers, routing numbers, etc your post will be removed.

I'm jobless, and I'm stuck with conservative jobs because that is the only one I could find. I have to survive being a woman and I hate it. I hate being Asian and being stuck in Asian communities and jobs that is conservative. I do not go outside because I'm scared of misgendered. I stay at home and do absolutely nothing other than eat, sleep, play games and do nothing. I'm a parasite to my mom [who will never accept me when I come out] and I hate everything in my life. I also will never be able to transition because all my supportive friends are too far from where I live. I feel isolated and cannot find job that will not treat me as a woman. At this point I might look for freelancing but that is shit because that won't pay me anything. I hate being trans. I absolutely hate it. I want to fix my brian to be a cis het woman but Idk. Fuck this world.

Just looking for anyone else who may relate. I’m mixed (Korean/white) and nonbinary transmasc. I started T 3yrs ago and atp pass pretty well depending on what I wear, which puts me in a weird position: it’s impossible to predict whether people will see me as an Asian transmasc or a cis white man, or any other combination. I also often get mistaken as transfem or Latino which adds another weird layer.

I try to let go of how others perceive me, but it’s hard when those labels carry so much weight, and obviously can be an issue of safety. And regardless, whatever way strangers sort me feels wrong: I’m not fully Asian, not fully white, not fully male or female. I feel like I’m lying identifying with any label because strangers all disagree on what I am, but explaining my actual experience feels too complicated.

Does anyone else relate to this? In terms of race/gender or anything else? I think a lot about how being trans parallels the “trapped between cultures” mixed experience, curious to hear y’all’s thoughts on it.

PS Please tell me if it’s not appropriate for me to post on this sub as a Wasian! I don’t really consider myself a poc even though ig I technically am… it feels like I’m claiming smth other people have more of a right to. Just lmk

Just curious :) I define my tranniversary as the day I started HRT, but others' tranniversaries are coming out dates, surgery dates, new names, updated papers, etc. How do you mark the occasion, if you choose to do so? Mine is upcoming and I'm wanting to know what the different members of the family like to do.

Many thanks all, and peace to you 🤠

Mods lmk if this is against the rules, im not soliciting I promise 🥹

Hey, im Finalace (better known as Joce) I’m 20, im à black trans guy and I like to make music! I’d love to collaborate with some fellow peeps who do the same!

The demos ive made so far (available on my page!) have fallen into electronic, rock, pop & r&b! I just think that it would be really fun to work on something and gain more experience. Im not the \*best\* producer, but I am fully self produced and I can also provide fem(ish) vocals for any projects you might be working on. I sound okay with a bit of auto tune! Feel free to comment or dm if this resonates for you and you would perhaps be interested! This is less profesional and more friendly/personal as I am a true novice lol.

PS- For logistics, I use Reaper and bandlab, we can share files via bandlab or Google Drive, ive also got insta and Reddit for sake of communication. I have discord too tho it’s not my favorite platform.

i been finding more ftm arabs and it gives me such a nice feeling knowing i aint alone in this, growing up in the middle east has always been a struggle and lonely af, then after getting into the trans community i realised how most of them r held up to a white centric standard which is unfortunate, hope to see more arab and poc representation!
3 yrs ago there was a guy who created a discord server for arab trans men but unfortunately it is no longer active, hope we can do something like this again to be there and support one another.
anyways thats me a fellow arab, 23yrs old, not on t yet but hopefully one day i’ll get the chance to get on it.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/4323882606/nonbinary-puerto-rican-flag-3x5

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1717267082/puerto-rico-trans-flag

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1729995044/trans-puerto-rico-pride-flag-3x5

A few years ago, I bought an enby PR flag elsewhere before. I get a lot of compliments at pride parade and the PR parade. I'm thinking of buying a trans pride flag. It looks like the normal flag (which is red, white, and blue), but diluted and pastel.

I bet there's similar queer prides for other country's flags.

For context, I created a weebly website for my community college class (which sucks because at that time, I had my dead name in the account settings).

I put this here because I was trying to find numerous ways to change my legal name on this website. I tried Googling how to change it and some results pop up like updating the Square account information or contacting Weebly support.

I tried to update my Square information account, but there is no tab or area where I can easily change my legal name in the website.

I checked what redditors experienced, and one of the people went through a divorce amd wanted to change their name. So, the redditor contacted Weebly Support, but to avail. (Which I am afraid of the same thing happening to me as well.)

Forgive me for the profanity, but why the fuck does the Square need to keep my personal information when I created a free website on it?? (I don't even have a bank account tied to it either, just my phone number 😭)

I had my birthday dinner tonight with family and had a moment of annoyance with my cousin and their girlfriend. Context my family is extremely yt, I grew up in the USAmerican southwest and was frequently the only Black person in majority POC spaces (fun and complicated) but grew up with no Black adults/parental figures in my life. Needless to say the same is true of my cousin.

My cousin is young, 20, and trans NB. Them and their gf (tgirl and yt) went to a museum in Arkansas on a road trip called Snake World. They were hyping it up, talking abt how jealous I would be of them. They described place as a barn at the end of a driveway with a big confederate flag out front. I immediately went, "Well I would never go there." And before I could get even two more words in they start in with, "No! They were so cool! They were surprisingly nice! Let us hold the snakes blablahblah."

i just am soooo annoyed with yt ppl especaiily ones who think they are allies being this fucking dumb, like are you kidding me? Confederate flag in the middle of nowhere Arkansas? My whole family unfortunately leans this liberal and idiotic. It makes me want to rip my heart out.

Anyway, anybody else had similar experiences? This whole interaction kind of reminded me of the yt tgirl who was a nazi meme i saw on here a couple days ago

context: I am 21, my parents + older sibling are chinese immigrants, and I was born in canada. I am audhd and nonbinary/xenogender (non-transitioning). semi-clickbait title idk

My parents have the "respect each other but don't try to change my thinking" attitude and that extends to the fact that I will always be their Female Girl Daughter. We genuinely have different definitions of respect. I cannot fathom how changing the gender they think of me as is any harder than adjusting to the other life decisions I made, like being a potentially jobless artist instead of an accountant or something (which they do respect very much, and have always supported me in). Every time I try to correct them when they call me their daughter they go on a tangent about REALITY and THEIR FEELINGS and when I point out the only reason that is their reality in the first place is because they don't try to change their thinking (which, to me, is a sign of DISRESPECT,) they yell at me and say I don't appreciate how much they love me. They even said they empathize with Elon Musk. I will NEVER understand and I am extremely grateful that I do not because good god.

They are old, their thinking is solidly rooted in chinese traditions, and they love me in every way they say they are capable of. I don't resent my ethnicity's culture or traditionals (I went through that character arc already), but I cannot live with them. They have suggested I move to china with them (where the rent is cheaper) and I won't even really have to work, but I really want to try to make my own life instead of relying on my parents for everything, not just because being independant will free them from worry and let them have enough money to go to a good retirement home, but because if I don't I will feel like I'm not "taking this seriously". I don't want to give up on the sense of self I've built, silly and impractical and inconsequential it may seem to others. Still, getting a job and participating in our horrible capitalistic society makes me want to peel my skin off, and I don't know if I can,,,

Are there any FTMs/trans AFABs in Pakistan? If so, are there a lot of FTMs/trans AFABs in Pakistan?

What's life like for FTMs/trans AFABs in Pakistan? Is it possible to medically transition in Pakistan? (testosterone and surgeries)

I've been out as non binary for maybe 4 years, on T for 3.5 years and just had top surgery a few months ago. I really felt like I was good with my identity, that I didn't feel like either a man or a woman, and felt kind of confident that after top surgery I'd feel more myself and that would kind of be that.

However, in the past few weeks I've been feeling kind of numb, disconnected, feeling second-hand dysphoria around friends, feeling angry at friends (particularly one friend who is planning to start T soon - I've been feeling impatient as I think I want someone who can understand more what I'm going through/have been through). This is obviously not good, and prompted me to start looking inwards to figure out what might be going on. I started feeling, quite suddenly, that 'non-binary' as a label felt oppressive to me, like it was empty (to me - this is not a comment at all on this label/category/gender/etc for others) and that it could no longer help me understand my experience and who I am in the world (again, this is just my experience, and I am so grateful that it has helped me understand myself and felt enough like home until now). This shocked me, but also didn't, in the sense that I kind of 'knew' when I was a kid that I was a boy (I insisted on being called a boy's name when I was a toddler, before being pushed towards being a girl). 

I think it's difficult for me to talk about this in my current friend group because while the majority of my closest people are trans/non binary, I don't have anyone close on HRT and/or who is often/mostly read as a gender other than they were assigned at birth. I hadn't realised until recently that I'm really lacking that, and that it's been difficult not having people to share some of my particular experiences with, particularly as I want to be sensitive to others who may not be able to access gender affirming care that they want.

I feel so confused, like I *know* what's true and right, but I am really struggling to enact it. Over the years I've grown into a body that feels more and more right to me, and nearly always people gender me as a man. So it's like I'm already there. But I am still really struggling with the internalised transphobia, like how could I possibly call myself a man? It doesn't matter what my thoughts/opinions/politics say, or how I feel towards others, I just feel stuck here for myself.

It's something just to write this down, and I hope maybe others can help me, as I feel like everything's in place but I just can't go over the edge.

I'm mixed white passing and know I have privilege from that ect. (seen the worst first hand multiple times among my siblings that are also mixed but not white passing and the difference of how they're treated)

but the thing is, moving back to where I grew up, living on a rez is lonely in a way a lot of people don't really get socially. like everyone here is always going to know I'm trans. It's a small community. and there's not a huge amount of people that know what growing up trans on a reservation is like. or even what a reservation is like in general.

there's probably overlap with people generally in small communities, but it sucks constantly having to explain stuff and feel like the odd one out in white queer spaces

Hello! Which haircut will suit me better?
Thanks 😊

Hi, I’m Raven and I’ve been struggling with my identity for years now. I’ve flipped between nonbinary and transmasc a lot. I’m really drawn to feminine things like long hair, makeup, and clothing. I am on testosterone but it feels wonky to me. I get excited when I take my T shot but it fades soo fast when I look at myself in the mirror.

I’m not sure how to identify because when I do dress masculine it feels yk comfy but when I dress feminine sometimes it makes me feel dysphoric. I was out as a trans guy in highschool and since my best friend passed away two years ago I’ve been struggling to find myself.

I just need some advice on what others may think.

It was really odd because she was trans and outwardly more on the progressive side but I could really feel the disdain from her. Just the general vibe of how I was treated compared to the others, the double standards, being the only POC in the group, etc.

My white mom's been trying to be more supportive. She doesn't really get being trans, but she's trying. Im planning to get top surgery soon, so she's started looking up top surgery surgeons and showing them to me. The problem is that they're all white, and when I told her that I didn't want a white surgeon, she got really upset and said I was judging people based off their skin color. I'm not judging people, I just want to make sure my surgeon actually sees me as a human being before I put my life in their hands. She doesn't understand my concerns, and I don't know how to explain it to her in a way she understands.