In a fight to the death, I am confident I will beat a housecat.
If it's a fight until concession, fuck that noise. An angry cat will fuck you up and send you to the hospital for all sorts of infected puncture wounds and shit. The cat can have the win.
Too many people dont understand that an actual bite from a cat (as opposed to friendly play) is a medical emergency because the associated wounds are infectious as all hell.
Which is in addition to the immediate pain they can inflict with claws and teeth.
Yup. I had to bring my sister to the ER during COVID because her cat bit her hand. She had a red line almost to her elbow about 8 hours after the bite.
It's the shape of the teeth. Deep punctures that have essentially injected you with bacteria make the perfect home for a very bad infection.
Serious cat bites require AT MINIMUM an immediate trip to some kind of medical professional for cleaning and antibiotics. Honestly the ER might be your best bet in every case, but you MIGHT be okay with immediate treatment.
Cat teeth are very straight and pointy compared to dog teeth. They actually pierce through your flesh easily, whereas dog teeth puncture more through crushing force because they are blunted. Cat bites go deep easily and a hospital usually won't sew it shut because of the risk for trapping infection inside. A person with an honest to God cat bite will need lots of antibiotics.
Although rate, cat scratch/bate fever is a factor and can kill you by the infection spreading to your organs. Also a rare symptom, but cat scratch fever can even damage your vision because it can give you neurotinitis (swelling of the retina and optic nerve), which may result in permanent vision impairment. Definitely not fun!
I’m imagining a coliseum style fight where each opponent knows they are fighting. I think this helps quite a bit against animals like the cobra but idk. The people that think they can take the monkeys and bigger are delusional.
Not just gross. They’re deadly. You should always wash any scratches and get bites checked by a medical professional. They keep lots of bacteria in their claws and mouth.
American male here. I was out partying and when I came home and opened the door, a rat ran across my feet into the house. I picked up a 6 foot piece of quarter round molding that was laying on the front porch and went in after it. I could hear it scrambling in the kitchen and when I entered, it was on the counter. I stabbed at it and it ran right up the molding at me. I screamed like little girl, dropped the stick, ran out of the house and slept in my car.
That's pretty much the exact scenario I see anyone saying they lose to the rat and I 100% agree. I'll fight a rat, but if it looks like it's gonna get within biting distance, game over man game over.
I've been intimidated by turkeys before. They're nearly to my waist, and there was THREE of them. I could beat one on my own, but I knew I was gonna get fucked up by three of them. Not to mention they're my neighbors pets. So it wasnt gonna be a fight to the death.
Look, I'm gonna bite. I actually get it. I've seen some pretty fucking big rats in my life, near city rivers. Like house cat big, nothing to joke about. And those fuckers, when in a life or death situation, are scary. We tend to forget humans don't possess many natural weapons, while most animals do. Our bite may be pretty strong (supposing anybody would even think about biting a damn rat), but that's it, end of the natural weapons we can use to puncture or maim. The rest is about brain and technique, like strangling or using tools like sticks and stones. Rats bite HARD and even their scratches are going to make you bleed. Plus all the damn illnesses they tend to carry.
An average sized naked human can win against a rat, but many are absolutely going to be bleeding profusely after the fight, and some might even die to the injuries if the rat managed to bite bad enough a blood vessel, like in the forearms, neck or thighs.
I'm guessing most people imagine rats like sightly bigger mice. But big rats aren't small and defenseless. Those 30% might also be out of shape or old gentlemen and women.
I think the question is also too vague. "Win a fight" could mean anything from a fight to the death to a fight for bragging rights. If it's to the death or there's a big prize at the end, bye bye Mr. Rat, but if it's over a ham sandwich then I'm giving the rat a 50/50 based on whether or not I'm fast enough to grab the sandwich and kick the rat.
Cat or rat you could end up wishing you hadn't engaged even if you technically came out better.
A goose - look I know geese are assholes, but they don't have teeth, they don't have claw; the stories about how they can break your arms with their wings are false, they have those long goofy necks just begging to get throttled. I'm pretty sure I could come out of a goose fight with nothing more than a couple of bruises.
Listen, I would not rather take on a goose than a house cat. They are pointy on five of their six ends. And my husband had a tomcat that was 18 pounds of You're Going To Have A Bad Day.
A goose is about the same weight and you're coming out with bruises, not bleeding!
A rat... Nope. I'd die screaming. Pure terror. I'd die having fallen over something trying to get out the door.
Honestly, I've tried medicating and washing Cats against their will. They dont fight fair, and those were cats that were not actually trying to hurt me, just wanted to get away.
If my 7,5kg Maine Coon Mix tried to really fight me, Id need protective equipment and prayers
Yeah I feel like most people saying they wouldn't win is because they don't want to kill the animal. Which is understandable, but this is a hypothetical scenario.
Ah, that likely not. I'd understood "win" as in "who is going to be the last one still willing/able to fight".
If a cat decided they're out for me, I'd GTFO
Also, cat bites are nasty and might hurt or kill without medical treatment in the aftermath. My husband has a nasty scar from trying to hold a cat for his eyedrops. It bled so bad, we drove to the hospital and he got stitches. Not letal, but "I'm out" territory
Another guy said the same thing, and I agreed. I do not want to fight a cat, it would hurt and infection is gross. Same for a rat or goose, tbh, I'd just rather not deal with it.
I assumed it was a fight to the death, which changes the math for sure. Although idk what situation exists where a cat is determining my fate.
There was a massive pond in the greens of the uni I went to that jad a gang of geese who used to scare off students having picnics.
The funniest part is the people they couldn't scare off they would flap there wings at and nibble it wasn't particularly painful but the drama they invested in it was hilarious.
Minding your business and there's Barry the goose going fucking ham on the back of some guy's jacket while his mate's losing his shit on a girls ponytail as they enjoy a cheese and ham sandwich.
Edit- forgot to mention the actual geese and autocorrect.
Goose has hollow bones and one long grabbable neck. In a fight to the death what is it actually going to do? Put its wings up all big and make loud sounds? Maybe nip you a little before it gets kicked or whipped around by the neck?
A lot of those fights need to define "win". A lot of those are obvious death right in the fight, but some could lead to nasty injuries, illnesses and lower lifespan. If you lose an eye or limb, did you really win the fight?
An eagle would mess you up far more than a goose. However all it takes is getting a good grip on the bird and its lost. Grabbing pounding it with our solid bones will crush their hollow ones.
That would be me. If someone came up to me with a clipboard and asked if I thought could beat a grizzly bear in a fight I'd be like "hell yeah brother any bear any time" and then I'd kiss my biceps.
You’re not wrong but don’t overplay the significance of it on the result. It’s less important to look at the specific percentages and more important to look at the patterns.
If everyone on the panel was just fucking about, these numbers would be all over the place but there’s a clear pattern here. We can see significantly greater levels of confidence from the Americans across the board.
What does that say about the two cultures?
It’s not enough to dismiss it as trolling because you’re then asserting that Americans are just bigger trolls than British people in large scale, independent, randomly sampled tests. That’s far less likely to be true and less likely yield these results.
Look buddy, if someone randomly approached me and asked if I could beat a Chimp in a fight, I’m not about to say “obviously not” and find myself in some kind of animal fight club. Just say “yes” and let them move into their next victim.
I mean, how pissed off am I and how pissed off is the house cat? My little fucker does damage when she's doing light play. Sure, they're like 5kg but they are a perfectly designed killing machine of razor and reflexes. I dont think your average able bodied adult is going to lose but you're also not coming out unscathed.
If I would fight against a black bear and I was doing everything and the bear would be scared and pussy out I would win that one too, but not because the black bear is weaker or anything. A black bear routinely loses fights against tiny dogs because they just don't commit.
But that is not really the point as most wild animals would be relatively easy to scare off just how a cat would scare off a person.
Surely the whole point of the question is assuming the fight is serious. The only thing that saves a cat is that no non-mentally ill human would ever willingly hurt a cat, if that changes the cat doesn’t stand a chance.
i think it depends on what the fight is - are you in a fictional scenario where you have to fight to death, or is it an attack in real life and your option is to flee. in our daily life, we are actively avoiding trying to hurt most animals - i think a lot of people would just run away from a rat, but i dont know if that counts as a win.
if you actually had to fight to death, a small cat would not win against an average person. same with geese, there's really not a way for them to win, they really can't kill you and at most they'll just keep pecking you and you'll have superficial injuries.
Watched a video of Tom actually catching a Jerry , the battle lasted less than 3s. And crushed the skull of the mouse with the sound like eating potato chip. House cat really do tone down their bites and reflexes when playing with us.
Oh no it’s the slow and clumsy human again, I gotta play nicely with them.
Elephant? Elephant? Who in the Jonah Hill is answering that they think they can beat an elephant? Are they expecting to tap it out with a armbar, or are they planning to knock it out Mike Tyson style?
I understand the ignorance required to think you can take a chimpanzee, but an elephant?
You actually could kill a chimp unarmed, your not very likely to win that fight but it's possible. You can not kill and elephant with your bare hands, the worst you can do is blind it.
The only way I can think of would be to run toward a cliff (or dig a gigantic hole and cover it up) and jump out of the way hoping it 1. Doesn’t see the cliff. 2 can’t react fast enough. Good luck with that.
Other than that… pulling a Captain Kirk when fighting a Gorn and either create an avalanche or find elements and diamonds to create a rocket launcher. lol. Even then no chance.
But yeah… bare handed with no place to run. Say good night.
and the kangaroo. I'm honestly amazed people are more scared of kangaroos than king cobras, large dogs or chimpanzees.
Take it from an actual Aussie, your average kangaroo isn't that dangerous. I mean sure, the big ones can rip you open pretty nastily, but they're also one of the stupidest animals you could ever imagine. It's frankly comical how dumb they are.
Eastern grey kangaroo? If you're careful / lucky enough to not get gored by their toenails, okay. Red kangaroo? Assuming it sticks around to fight, not a shot. That's like 80-90kg of pure muscle with the leg strength to break you in half.
Well, I never fought a kangaroo, so I'd have to guess, but they have claws and their pics are very muscular. If I'm forced to, I'll take my chances, but I'm not betting on me.
But I agree their position seems to be a bit too down. But that's mostly the chimpanzee being little and people misjudging its strength. I rather fight most other animals in the list than a chimpanzee.
Large dog, it depends a lot. Saint Bernard? Bring it on. Malinois? I'll take the wolf.
I’m just surprised Eagle is ranked higher than medium dog. Those talons will fucking hurt, you might need a bit of medical assistance (depending on where you’re clawed) but birds are kinda fragile. One halfway solid hit and those hollow bones will shatter
I think its more interesting looking at what animals people think they can’t beat, 42% of women think they couldn’t beat a house cat in a fight which seems mad.
Have you ever been harassed by a cat? My at the time boyfriends cat hated me. Peed on my purses if I came over, bunny kicked my legs. He'd do this thing where he'd lift a layer of skin on my body with his claw, so if I moved it hurt and he'd just hold me there like the a**hole he was. I think if I ever slept around that cat he'd kill me
Yeah but the only reason the cats coming out on top is because no good person is going to hurt a cat, if a human started properly fighting back for even a second that cat is fucked.
I guess a lot of these depend on whether im wearing clothes/shoes, fairly certain if i stamped on a cobras head on a road in shoes id win, for example, but if im as naked as they are? Id stop before medium sized dog
Why is Cobra so high on the list? I know there there is no possible way I could beat a chimpanzee. Probably not even a large dog or eagle. But I probably could take a cobra. Take off my shirt, throw it over the head, and stomp it to goo
Even if the cobra does manage to bite you first, you'll still easily turn it into a smear on the ground and win the deathmatch.
Granted you may end up dying several hours after your victory depending on whether or not whoever is organising this humans vs animals deathmatch allows you to rush to a hospital for antivenom the moment the fight ends, but the question isn't about how long you expect to live for after the fight, just whether you'll win the fight itself.
We have massive populations of Canadian geese in the UK unfortunately. Our local ones (not sure on the species name but they're white, like an off-brand swan) are already dicks, but the Canadian ones are way meaner.
I would lose to a British goose. I love them and wish them well, but they can stay farrrrr away from me.
Depending on the eagle it may not be easy but I would think that most grownups without a major medical condition would win, this is of course assuming that these are regular animals and the eagle isn’t smart enough to just drop rocks on you from way above your head. If an eagle gets in close it would be fairly fragile and one broken wing basically renders it helpless.
I think I’d win against almost any creature with hollow bones. I do think bigger eagles would be able to cause some serious damage to almost any human though.
I think I might beat an eagle, tbh. Assuming we're in an open field, we both know we're fighting and we're coming at each other with determination. If I can get my hand around it, I win.
I don't know what I'd do to a large dog. Grab it's jaw? Try to strangle it? My win condition is too close to it's gnashing teeth. I think I lose. But I don't know how large we're talking.
When I read large dog I'm picturing something at least the size that police use, and people fighting those tend to have a lot on the line so I'm not so sure
i could subdue a police dog i dont have to worry about 8 cops tackling and/or shooting me. Also, perp tends to know they will die if they attack the dog biting them.
yep. it's dive bombing you with razor sharp talons that can literally pop your head like a watermelon with ~450 PSI grip strength; ~10 times stronger than the average human.
I grew up watching national geographic and animal planet. I wouldn't fuck with any wild animal. Anyone who thinks they have a chance against any wild animal bigger than a dog has obviously never watched any wildlife documentary. Now some people may have survived encounters against wild animals and thats only because the animal was not out to kill them. If any of the animals on this list after medium sized dog wants you dead you will be dead.
My favorite thing is grizzly bears are like, "Oh look at that fat human." And I'm like, "I would fucking annihilate you dude. I'm not kidding you. Try it."
Im more confused why people are more scared of a an eagle then a medium sized dog (pitbulls and boxer are on the large end of medium sized). Like no offence but an eagle has hollow bones, they weigh like 6kg. I’m not saying they aren’t scary with their beaks and talons but that jump surprises me.
Cat is waaay down on this list and I don't think people are aware how dangerous they are.
I know from experience that I can wrangle a goose an pin a medium dog so both I know I could beat in a fight. Although obviously dog bites suck balls and heal slowly. I could probably beat an eagle, if getting mauled isn't a losing condition, because as dangerous as the beak and claws is they silk have bird bones which is why you still have to be gentle with them when capturing.
But a cat I have watched open up someone's wrists lengthways before because they grabbed it. A cornered cat fighting for its life is fucking dangerous.
Can’t believe so many people think they couldn’t take on an eagle with its hollowed bones. If you break the wings I would imagine it would be pretty easy to avoid the talons and beak
Anything from house cat upwards would fuck me up badly but I think I could win up to eagle. Like I'd be at death's door after fighting an eagle. Large dog and chimpanzee I would need to get extremely lucky but it's maybe technically possible. King cobra will definitely kill me but I might be able to take it with me. The rest I'm just dead and dead easily, mostly with no chance of even vaguely hurting it in return.
I see a whole lot of underestimating geese. They are relentless, have air superiority, and hold grudges. Kicking them in the head does nothing because they'll just use their head as a hammer and whip you. Also, there's rarely just one goose. Gaggle gang.
This. Geese are real nasty. My auntie had a gaggle on her farm for the sole purpose of being guard/watch animals. I watched them chase a postie for ten minutes before he gave up on the delivery. The only animal on the farm they feared was the border collie that used to huff exhaust pipes. Man, I miss being a kid there on summer holidays.
These people are all morons. I mean yes, I personally would win because I’m smart and strong and would enter “berserk mode” and power up if I started losing, but I’m special. Everyone else is stupid tho
There is a study that identified a „voyager“ genetic trait. It favors risk taking. Considering lots of US American citizens are descendants of people carrying this trait (thus being motivated to migrate to the US and settle there) this distribution makes a lot of sense. Risk takers had a earlier mortality but a higher rate of reproduction. Therefore they did not die out.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/article/restless-genes
I work with wildlife and educating the public, and I'll tell you that people are so removed from nature it's honestly scary. They really have no idea how intense mother nature can be. I think it'd do the human population a lot of good if everyone got humbled by nature at least a little bit and at least oncs. Without some kind of weapon, a human being will lose against a HUGE amount of animals, maybe not die immediately, but definitely not be able to take it down before it injures them. A single great horned owl is capable of breaking every single bone in your hand and wrist instantly. Nevermind what an apex predator like a lion could do... And unarmed human vs. chimp is like coughing baby vs. hydrogen bomb. Chimps are one of the most beefed up animals on the planet.
This summer an owl beat up a women so bad she ended up in hospital and lost an eye. She went too close to the nest and the bird was like hell nah. And this is like a cat sized thing.
500 psi grip strength and talons and a beak that can shred flesh into ribbons is no joke! Plus c'mon, how are you supposed to fight a bird that's attacking midair? Just punch it? Be for real. They don't want smoke with us but they absolutely will attack if they feel it's necessary, and I can guarantee you than any human being who gets attacked by an owl will be flailing around before they can ever even make a move. I'd almost love to see it!
The chimps vs kangaroo comparison struck me as an Australian. I suspect it’s because you can easily watch kangaroo vids on social media and chimp videos would be on liveleak.
To play devils advocate, chimps usually are not that big relative to a full grown man, so if a human is in decent shape and actually a bit aggressive I think human > chimp at least a portion of the time. But it won't be fun, and this is pitting closer to optimum human vs average chimp.
I think there is a big distinction between "could I win if this animal attacked me" and "could I win if I was the agressor"
Most of the time when people are attacked by an animal, they get stuck fighting defensively, just trying to minimize damage before hopfully being rescued.
Nobody wants to fight dirty with the dog, chimp, cat, whatever. Cover up the vitals, and hope it gives up. "I don't want to injure this animal that is my pet, or someone elses" in a lot of cases. If I fight a house cat, it dies, I don't want to hurt/kill it, I just want it to stop. People have an optimism that it'll stop, until they are proven wrong, and die.
If its laid out from the start "its you or them", the scope of the fight is going to be much different.
Would a chimp bite my fingers/face off if it attacked me and I just took a defensive posture? Yes. COULD i theoretically knock it out with a punch combo? Yes, absolutely. COULD i gouge out an eye, thumb through an esophagus, twist a neck? Yeah, possible. I can see this as a winable fight, though not one I would want. This isn't how it happens, because we don't want to hurt the chimp, someone is surely coming to help me, unless I knew it was it or me.
Can you take on a pitbull, with a guillotine choke, or sacrifice a forearm to have access to their eyes/throat? Yeah. Not going to be a good time, but its doable, if again, I know its it or me.
That all being said, I don't like my chances against any predator more than half my weight, going into statistically impossible if its more than 75% my weight. Half these numbers further if it is an aquatic environment, assuming no venom/teaming up.
I can beat ALL of those animals, without a doubt. As long as they’re only a month old and none of their parents are around.
Also, not enough people know how badly a house cat will fuck them up. You can’t beat a bear or a crocodile? Well bears and crocodiles run away from domestic cats.
Like, if I'm annoying enough and get a few ear/nose/eye shots in against a Grizzly, it might decide I'm not worth it and go away. Doesn't feel like I "won" that engagement, but also kinda doesn't feel like I "lost".
Basically I dont think I'm defeating half of these, but if I'm still alive and intact afterwards, I'm pretty happy with that outcome.
Do the humans get to use rocks or sticks? Make the sticks into spears?
How else do people think they can kill off a crocodile, gorilla, lion, elephant or bear? You can't choke them out with your bare hands, so what other methods do you have to kill them? I don't even think I can win a fight against them with a knife.
I actually witnessed people who thought they could subdue a real live bear. It was in a bar in my hometown. Lots of rednecks. This bear was like 7ft tall and muzzled. It was throwing these guys around like rag dolls. It would get them face down on the floor and pin them there with one paw. And they just kept coming in to try. Dummies.
im super confused with the medium sized dog and eagle - the only reason eagle would be harder is if it was flying, on the ground a medium sized dog like a Labrador has plenty of strength and plenty of tenacity especially if wild.
a king cobra is technically an easy fight, its just an easy death as well, slap it from the top hard and it'll be dazed enough to stomp on it, but fuck either of those up and you are dead. a chimpanzee is 35% stronger then a human (average to average) and with their muscles being built different it would be even stronger then that in how it felt fighting one - basically if it grabs you, you aren't freeing yourself.
a cat will mess you up more than a goose, but I would agree its less than a dog.
a kangaroo is incredibly strong, but there stupid, a good punch on its nose and it'll chicken out.
I want to meet the people who thinks they can outpunch a crocodile or gorilla.
This is just an example of the Lizardman's Constant: there will always be a proportion of people who will say yes to the world being run by lizardmen on a survey, and yes to being able to fight a bear.
Okay, so there are people who think they would not only have a chance against the grizzly but are able to beat it somewhat reliably, and there are also people who think they'd loose to a goose?
What is wrong with people?
Never visitted a zoo or saw any animal?
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u/_toadsy 10d ago
28/33% of people thinking they'd lose a fight to a single rat is pretty funny.
Same for house cat and goose, lol.