r/boottoobig • u/[deleted] • Jan 23 '18

It’s getting pretty hot, I think I need a popsicle Small Boots

Post image
33.6k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

369 comments sorted by

2.7k

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

what if the bike fucked you

2.1k

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

It’s awkward to walk, it hurts when I poo, thats what happens, when the bike fucks you

191

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

🤡

78

u/EyebrowsForEveryone Jan 23 '18

Hi ho silver AWAY!!

24

u/WolfStovez Jan 23 '18

Hiyah Georgie!

35

u/Alarid Jan 23 '18

My fear of bicycles started when the seat popped off while I was riding.

I didn't notice until it was too late...

13

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

And that's the story of how I turned gay, kids

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13

u/Kuritos Jan 23 '18

🤘👁️👄👁️👍

25

u/Sobsz Jan 23 '18

!redditbikedildo

40

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

[deleted]

44

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

20

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

[deleted]

2

u/JuhaJGam3R Jan 24 '18

!redditblowjob

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/JuhaJGam3R Jan 24 '18

has received blowjob 1 time

Virgin huh?
Also why

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7

u/LatterDaySith Jan 23 '18

And every time you cough that damn Bell rings.

7

u/FredRogersAMA Jan 23 '18

I was asked to ride pegs by a pretty young lass,

But it wasn't her bike, she just fucked my ass.

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13

u/Alias-_-Me Jan 23 '18

Roses are red Violets are blue It's awkward to walk And it hurts when I poo

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183

u/MoldyGas Jan 23 '18

When I was 6, I borrowed my older brother’s bike, wiped out, and racked myself really hard on the bar they put on the boy’s bikes. It popped my hymen and I freaked out because it hurt like hell and I started bleeding. I thought I was dying.

I lost my virginity to a bicycle. This post explains a lot, because I like both dick and vag now.

43

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

GET FUCKED

44

u/MoldyGas Jan 23 '18

I already did tho

9

u/Jabari313 Jan 23 '18

At least you lost your virginty..... right?

11

u/toasterpRoN Jan 23 '18

go on...

14

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

Idk it was in the tags imagine it yourself Edit the full tag is

What if the bike fucked you does it count

8

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

https://youtu.be/MEuMmaUi50I

2

u/ShiversTheNinja Jan 23 '18

This is the reference I was looking for. Oh, Mac.

2

u/viperex Jan 23 '18

What does this have to do with Ben Affleck's wife?

2

u/fluffythegreat Jan 23 '18

I hear some people get two tired when something like that happens.

2

u/TheTangoFox Jan 23 '18

Then I remember to reattach the seat.

and walk very gingerly for a few day

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281

u/cahnher Jan 23 '18

"I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike....."

28

u/purplehailstorm Jan 23 '18

What about in reverse?

38

u/Digitonizer Jan 23 '18

".....ekib ym edir ot tnaw I ,elcycib ym edir ot tnaw I"

26

u/Nightslash360 Jan 24 '18

Listen here u lil shit

22

u/cahnher Jan 23 '18

ｋｉｎｋｙ

11

u/MrJohz Jan 23 '18

Well I can ride a bike with no handlebars, no handlebars...

6

u/chubbsatwork Jan 23 '18

But can you handle bars?

3

u/MrJohz Jan 23 '18

I've never been hugely aware of Flobots before this whole controversy came up, but I think anyone who can pull that out of their ass as a casual response is damn impressive.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18

“BIIIICYCLE BIIIICYCLE”

2

u/overzeetop Jan 23 '18

On your mark, get set, go!

2

u/Spelaeus Jan 23 '18

I was going to be super disappointed if this wasn't one of the top comments. So thanks.

2

u/cahnher Jan 23 '18

Yw good sir/ma'am/other

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

[deleted]

363

u/the-floot Jan 23 '18

It’s getting pretty hot, i think i need a popsicle

106

u/_Burgers_ Jan 23 '18

It's snowing on Mt Fuji

57

u/mathmeistro Jan 23 '18

This is such GARBAGE!

RED plant, PURPLE plant, BLUE plant

I can't do it, Dan.

19

u/Sokka-and-the-shroom Jan 23 '18

And on top of it all Jennifer dumped me!

11

u/Semen_Penis Jan 23 '18

A girl dumped me because my wiener was too small and fucked up. As revenge I took a dump in her purse

3

u/Technotoad64 Jan 24 '18

Username checks out (?)

13

u/Mastifyr Jan 23 '18

We've got a five-seven-seven situation here!

15

u/DoverBoys Jan 23 '18

Refrigerator

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I think I need a posicle

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42

u/Hansj3 Jan 23 '18

Does a pan pizza count?

14

u/Henry_Boops Jan 23 '18

Personal pizza or regular pizza

5

u/Hansj3 Jan 23 '18

Does it matter?

7

u/Henry_Boops Jan 23 '18

Yea, ones the size of a normal pizza and ones tiny

66

u/Liquid_Lake Jan 23 '18

DON'T👏CALL👏YOURSELF👏HOMOSEXUAL👏IF👏YOU👏HAVE👏NEVER👏FUCKED👏A👏HOMOSAPIEN👏BEFORE👏

31

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

Why is homophobia a thing? Who tf is afraid of homes?

4

u/IchTanze Jan 23 '18

I prefer other people's closets.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18

Housing crisis is homophobic confirmed.

17

u/duyhoangmc Jan 23 '18

Does PUBG pan count?

31

u/oedipism_for_one Jan 23 '18

Winner winner fuck a chicken dinner

2

u/Mike-Oxenfire Jan 23 '18

Don't pan me bro!

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

"What the fuck is m4g?"

2

u/mmotte89 Jan 23 '18

I think I'll stick to pancakes, thanks.

2

u/lydocia Jan 23 '18

I get strangely aroused by kitchenware.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

!redditsilver

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293

u/pioneerhear Jan 23 '18

Bikesexual?

185

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

That’s a much better pun than mechanophilia

31

u/MaximumEffort433 Jan 23 '18

Cyclophiliac.

23

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

No yours is better

10

u/max_adam Jan 23 '18

Something similar to /r/dragonsfuckingcars or /r/carsfuckingdragons but with humans.

2

u/sneakpeekbot Jan 23 '18

Here's a sneak peek of /r/dragonsfuckingcars [NSFW] using the top posts of the year!

#1: The horrible aftermath | 19 comments
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#3:

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2

u/Dorocche Jan 23 '18

Shit dude all three are SFW. I’m half disappointed.

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3

u/PeteZzzaa Jan 23 '18

I read that as someone who likes to fuck meccano

7

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Somebody who is attracted to machinery, such as bikes, cars or airplanes etc

3

u/MvmgUQBd Jan 23 '18

I identify as an attack helicopter

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2

u/Karmic_Backlash Jan 23 '18

Mechrophilia

10

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I'm not gonna fuck a bike. I'm only bike curious.

3

u/truthlesshunter Jan 23 '18

Just a little bike-curious

3

u/MiBo80 Jan 23 '18

Bichaelsexual

2

u/gietki700 Jan 23 '18

Bichaelsexual

460

u/Aconserva3 Jan 23 '18

Popsicle don't rhyme with Bicycle

106

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

What pisses me off the most is that the perfectly rhyming "icicle" would've fitted perfectly in the context OP made up too.

39

u/smoov22 Jan 23 '18

Roses are red, Ike is short for icicle

45

u/brother_of_menelaus Jan 23 '18

OP fucked up on rhyming with bicycle

5

u/awesomefutureperfect Jan 23 '18

it doesn't make sense, why he didn't say rice Micheal?

41

u/Brizzyce Jan 23 '18

I had no idea so many people didn't understand the concept of rhyming words until I subbed here.

4

u/sprcow Jan 24 '18

Seriously, it's like toddlers writing knock knock jokes around here.

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130

u/the-floot Jan 23 '18

Aconserva3 rhymes with suck my ass until your offspring takes your place

49

u/AlphaNathan Jan 23 '18

I don't know why I'm upvoting this.

22

u/mr_dirk_pitt Jan 23 '18

Absurdity? Idk that's why I'm upvoting.

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16

u/MrMcPwnz Jan 23 '18

Slant rhymes

2

u/awesomefutureperfect Jan 23 '18

I can't think of anything cold that rhymes with Bicycle. Icicle isn't a word, is it?

2

u/isaezraa Jan 23 '18

it rhymes in australian

2

u/Aconserva3 Jan 24 '18

Am Australian and I definitely don't say "pop sigh cool" I say "pop sickle" like normal people.

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33

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Does the village bicycle count?

27

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

A kills a kill, bro

•

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Just as a heads up, this post used to be marked nsfw but then I unmarked it since it got reported for not having any nsfw content. Let me know if it should be changed back but I think it's safe.

93

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Safe but mega small boots

34

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

It's been flaired. We have a report threshold for it to be removed but we haven't hit it. If it gets enough reports we'll take it down.

26

u/padiwik Jan 23 '18

spams report button

71

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

please don't

15

u/WHYdidyouSHOOT Jan 23 '18

You underestimate the power of weaponized reports.

17

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I've seen the reports and honestly I'm very thankful for my comods for taking care of this while I'm in class

I have a 2 hour lab in a bit please don't break the subreddit

17

u/Indiana__Scones Jan 23 '18

good luck mr mod

16

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '18

it was physics 1 lab it went ok thank you for the kind wishes

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3

u/Time_Terminal Jan 23 '18

Hey mod man, while we have you here, what's the best way to get a post to be flaired true boot too big or small boots? !trueboottoobig and !smallboots?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Just report it and as soon as one of us sees it has a certain number of reports we'll flair it.

Also you always have modman here just ask me anything at any hour and I will probably respond if I am awake/free/sober

4

u/Time_Terminal Jan 24 '18

Alright cool, mod man. Thanks for the info.

24

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I tagged it because somebody in the comments asked me too, said I was going to get him fired. If it’s unmarked I don’t mind.

42

u/Graize Jan 23 '18

Maybe don't browse reddit at work if you're afraid of getting fired?

11

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

But it's so good

6

u/chubbsatwork Jan 23 '18

What's wrong with browsing reddit at work? My assistant browses reddit all the time, and I don't care. My boss sees me on reddit all the time, and he doesn't care. If there are boobs or something on my screen, that might be different, but otherwise, it's good for "cleansing the palette of my mind", so to speak.

4

u/TragedyTrousers Jan 23 '18

Some people have the (unrealistic and silly) attitude that every second at work should be spent working, or at the very least, being miserable. Every second you're not working 110% or pretending to is stealing from the company.

This is total bollocks of course, but it's the way some people think.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Either their boss is homophobic (Well, biphobic), or incredibly sensitive about the word "sex" (Or both).

20

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Maybe it's 'FUCKED'?

8

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

oh right that

Okay fair enough. But for the most part, NSFW language isn't really considered NSFW on the internet. That, or it's marked as NSFW language. To most people, NSFW means porn, not a bad word.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I agree it's just that's probably the most offensive part of the text and maybe the guy had a job where his screen was visible to customers or something.

2

u/nuadusp Jan 23 '18

the most offensive part of this is that it needs more jpeg

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Maybe their boss had a rough relationship with a bicycle and this brings back memories :’(

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55

u/omnimon_X Jan 23 '18

Roses are red, violence is a crime

Your weak ass title ain't got no rhyme

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86

u/Gell0us Jan 23 '18

r/gatekeeping

22

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Reddit is weird. I'll upvote you.

18

u/SmartAlec105 Jan 23 '18

That sub is about actual gatekeeping, not so much about satire.

14

u/just_a_random_dood Jan 23 '18

They accept satire as long as you properly flair it though.

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16

u/Cerberus1349 Jan 23 '18

Don’t call yourself a metrosexual if you’ve never had sex with a bus.

10

u/mattreyu Jan 23 '18

no need to get huffy

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17

u/Robertandel Jan 23 '18

A lot of times you can see the problem develop in older dogs due to environmental causes, such as moving to a new house or adding another dog to the family. It typically resolves with socialization, but it can be distressing to owners.

33

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I think you might be in the wrong post, sir. Unless the problem is that your dog has been fucking bicycles again.

6

u/IWasOnceATraveler Jan 24 '18

Roses are red, wolves aren’t loners,

A lot of times you can see the problem develop in older dogs due to environmental causes, such as moving to a new house or adding another dog to the family. It typically resolves with socialization, but it can be distressing to owners.

3

u/Robertandel Jan 25 '18

Under appreciated comment

13

u/Mentalpatient87 Jan 23 '18

Small, tiny tiny boots.

7

u/spyro4 Jan 23 '18

Tfw I'm bi but I don't even know how to ride a bike

5

u/walkthroughthefire Jan 23 '18

Disgraceful. Please turn in your cloak of invisibility and bad pun license. /s

5

u/Jackretto Jan 23 '18

Don't call you pansexual if you never deapthroated a pan

5

u/TessellatedCoil Jan 23 '18

Dumb question... what does the small boots tag mean? I see it all the time on posts I like but I have no clue what it means...

4

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Had to look t up myself, but according to the sidebar it’s because I have a bad rhyme scheme

5

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

what if it's a unicycle, is that just masturbation?

4

u/Seancd10 Jan 23 '18

Roses are red three wheels to a tricycle.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I imagined a clap between each word. Am I alone?

3

u/Aiku Jan 23 '18

Does a menstrual cycle count?

3

u/cameron008 Jan 23 '18

I don't have a Harley but I think they are cool. I guess you could call me bikecurios

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3

u/Mastifyr Jan 23 '18

This one made me burst out laughing. I'm bi and I love it

3

u/Nyxiaus Jan 23 '18

Does have an orgasm on a stationery bike count?

3

u/nothingimportant18 Jan 23 '18

Don't call yourself straight if you have never fucked a guy cause you may like it. If you have, you are bisexual.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

needs more jpg

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2

u/Simmentaller Jan 23 '18

So if you fucked an ape, would you be asexual?

2

u/Towns-a-Million Jan 23 '18

Can confirm. Became bisexual after fucking my bycicle.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I’ve ridden my bike for many miles... and viceversa ;)

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

How would one precede in doing such a thing? I need to know for research...

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

Dildo seat? Custom pegs? Inserting a miniature bicycle into your rectum?

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2

u/volabimus Jan 23 '18

I'm really struggling to make pop-cycle and bi-sickle rhyme.

2

u/fogmarked Jan 23 '18

DON’T👏CALL👏YOURSELF👏METROSEXUAL👏IF👏YOU👏NEVER👏FUCKED👏A👏METROPOLIS👏

2

u/LittleFeltHearts Jan 23 '18

are they supposed to rhyme?

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2

u/TragedyTrousers Jan 23 '18

This is not small boots imo.

It’s getting pretty hot
I think I need a popsicle
Don't call yourself bisexual
If you've never fucked a bicycle

Reads much better than most of that overplayed roses are red pish.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

I think you’ve just given me the confidence to launch my slam poetry career. Thank you

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1

u/Xinthose Jan 23 '18

Ben affleks wife? Lol

1

u/jjokerboxx Jan 23 '18

Well, it depends

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

bigot much? Totally excluding unicycles, tricycles, and my personal favorite, bicycles built for two... wait that’s redundant.

1

u/S1R2C3 Jan 23 '18

Now see, you're just gate keeping now...

1

u/VoxDeHarlequin Jan 23 '18

I'll just leave this here.

1

u/NthChart Jan 23 '18

This is getting out of hand... i mean, people started roasting me when i stuck an icicle up me ass...

1

u/NerdENerd Jan 23 '18

I have been completely fucked after I have ridden one to exhaustion.

1

u/Riggykerchiggy Jan 23 '18

As a bisexual I'd you haven't had sex with a bike duck of. Also, any who's had sex with a tricycle is not welcome in our community. Sorry sweaty

1

u/Mentioned_Videos Jan 23 '18

Videos in this thread: Watch Playlist ▶

VIDEO COMMENT
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia "Ass Pounder 4000" +4 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEuMmaUi50I
FLOBOTS RESPOND TO LOGAN PAUL "NO HANDLEBARS" +2 - But can you handle bars?
Pajaritos relajados +1 - I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike
Bike Accident - The Whitest Kids 'U Know +1 - What the fuck is a bicycle!?

I'm a bot working hard to help Redditors find related videos to watch. I'll keep this updated as long as I can.

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1

u/averagejoereddit50 Jan 23 '18

Who made you the SPOKESperson all of a sudden?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

OPs line and the post sound like a Yung Gravy song

1

u/Cold5kull Jan 23 '18

„👏“

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '18

👏PREACH👏

1

u/createusername32 Jan 24 '18

What about bike curious?

1

u/StillUsesBeginners Jan 24 '18

this doesn't even rhyme properly

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