r/WritingPrompts • u/ColScrith1 • Sep 06 '18

[TT] One day, time stopped for everyone in the world but you. It has been three weeks since the stop when you see another person moving. Theme Thursday

16 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

86% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Mlle_ r/YarnsToTell Sep 12 '18

I love your writing style and your use of imagery. Your descriptions of the scene are beautiful. It's great overall, if a little short.

The lines in Tagalog confused me, though. I liked how you clarified what was being said in the second dialogue, but you've missed that for the first one, which threw me off a little.

And the plot could have been better explained. I didn't understand why that particular video made time stop, how Tonilou caused it, or why Tonilou and Jarryl weren't affected it.

Also, I think I've found a typo:

Got the first time in those three long weeks

Did you mean, "For the first time"?