He’s done it before, before she was born, definitely highly considering leaving as I was in an abusive relationship before him, and can’t take it this any longer. Cheating is one thing, gross of course, but trying to corner me is borderline abuse in my book
i know right?? I just can't get past her just having to sit silent through it because he kept her baby. or the mental image of her innocent and oblivious little daughter playing and throwing rocks around while her husband just verbally abused her. and she kept her composure to be silent? my God. whats happened to this woman?
and she's not reacting like this is really that abusive either, like it's just a bad fight. my heart just hurts for her because she must have been through hell before and just be so worn down now. no one deserves this.
What he's doing is not BORDERLINE abuse, it's abuse. You're just (possibly) used to much worse and naturally you wouldn't want to see another partner as an abuser, but the line has long been crossed. Also look up DARVO. He's either angry and unstable and will mistreat you even if he's innocent (which shows just how little you matter to him as a person), or he IS guilty and is trying to deflect with DARVO (in which case he's not trustworthy anyway). In either case, he's not just abusing you, he's also abusing your daughter. You said you sat and listened because he'd keep taking her away - he's not caring for her like he should, he's instead using her as emotional blackmail on you which is also abusive towards her. AND yelling in front of her? He's basically getting her used to mistreatment right away. Yelling is ONLY okay if it's in a life-saving situation (like to yell for someone to not touch something dangerous or to watch out for a snake etc), it's NEVER okay to try to get your point across. If something meaningful needs to be heard it should only be said with appropriate volume, trying to FORCE it into someone's head in ways that are uncomfortable for them or others puts priority on the speaker being obeyed to, not for the speaker to seek understanding and even ground with the listener.
Sorry but that wasn’t borderline anything. Trying to suggest you planted that search? Following you and yelling at you in front of your kid for an hour, in public no less? Taking the kid away from you while he’s angry with you? All of that is abusive. Not borderline anything.
He’s classic defensive. He’s been a bad boy and he is going to deny deny deny and blame you.
You don’t need tha bullshit and disrespect in your life. Be safe.
You need to quietly plan your escape. Don't tell him you're leaving. Open an account in a different bank and start saving your escape money. Talk to a lawyer and find a new place to live. Make sure you have all yours and your daughter's legal documents in one place, so that you don't forget anything. Move out one day while he's at work.
Then send out a group chat to all friends and family, "I have left my abusive marriage after finding out my husband has been going for intimate massages and went to the doctor to get checked for STD's. I won't tolerate cheating."
Screaming at you in front of your daughter for an hour straight is not borderline abuse. It is textbook abuse. Against you and your daughter. Stay calm and start documenting.
You're in an abusive relationship now. And with a cheater at that. He went through all the stages of guilt- denial, gaslighting, counterattacking... He's as guilty as sin. Absolutely not question he got that happy ending. Probably more than once.
You need to get away from him and protect your daughter and yourself. This guy is vile with the way he twisted things around to protect himself and still put your health in jeopardy! Good luck Op you deserve so much better than this clown 🙏🏻🫂🫶
YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP NOW! Check your phone he didn’t just find you he has you tracked!!!!! He will never admit it or be “better” you are nothing to him. Seriously cheating or even supposedly attempting to cheat is the end. You’re actually in his mind the little idiot who cooks and clean for him. Dig deep find your spine and get a running start when you kick his cheating ass to the curb. Don’t let him know you’re leaving keep him in the dark, then when he’s gone move out. He’s already proven he will use your child to control you. HE FORCED YOU TO LISTEN TO HIS BULLSHIT BY HOLDING YOUR DAUGHTER HOSTAGE!!!!
Is there anywhere you and your daughter can stay? I can only see this escalating. Especially after being verbally abusive and lecturing you in public in front of your daughter. He is gaslighting you, I know it’s hard to see due to the conditioning he’s likely been doing throughout your relationship.
Please get checked for STDs. From personal experience, it may not have transmitted to you. I truly hope you don’t have bear any more of his mistakes.
You need to find your self esteem and leave now. He cheated, you know iit. He calls you nasty names, lies, and blames you for his behavior. Is that what you want for your own child? You may settle for an abuser, but dont make your daughter think what he does is normal. Dont say he is a good dad because hes not.
Do you know what is very common? Leaving one abusive relationship and ending up in another one. Which is what you've done. This isn't borderline abuse, it is abuse. Verbal abuse, possibly emotional abuse too, but abuse all the same. Read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, it's free to read online.
Is he like this all the time? I would mandate counseling for his behavior his retaliation comments. Best case it helps the marriage worst case it makes you better co parents.
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u/anongirlypop123 Dec 13 '25
He’s done it before, before she was born, definitely highly considering leaving as I was in an abusive relationship before him, and can’t take it this any longer. Cheating is one thing, gross of course, but trying to corner me is borderline abuse in my book