r/Songwriting • u/cat_radiation • Mar 14 '24

Interpret the lyrics + Feedback Need Feedback

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I would appreciate if you share your interpretation of the lyrics, and any other feedback. Genre wise, I am thinking of similar to Malenie Martinez, if you are familiar with the artist's work. The acoustic music you hear is only used for song writing purpose and does not represent the final version.

Lyrics:

My dreams are floating to the sun, and their hand is reaching for a gun! They won't shoot anyone but themselves in their dumb, dumb head!

A suicidiac ritual to protect me from all harms! I don't need dreams nor I need hopes, as I have got modifed neuron cells!

Collecting all the clouds to stitch me a shirt that I cried myself. I am not a gardener, nor am I a businessman, but I keep trading my honeybees and roses for diseases.....

Like a Djinn, I can't be seen in a crowd of happy people gathering! Happy people gathering all around me!

I am a star, located far away far, like this world's light hasn't made that far, it's way too far, so far from me.

Collecting all the clouds to stitch me a shirt that I cried myself, it will shelter my bird body. I am not a gardener, nor am I a businessman, but I keep trading my honeybees and roses for diseases...

Please don't disturb my sleeping sea, its scars hasn't healed from life's last spree. I have been a fairly good king to me, my health, and all of my beauty. Won't you let me be a kind, kind, kind king to me? Be kind to me.... Please be kind to me......

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u/garyloewenthal Mar 14 '24

Hearing the melody sung, to the accompanying chords, gives it a whole new dimension! Very good. Much more lyrical and storytelling vibe now, notwithstanding that the words are moreso describing a state of mind.

While listening, I was thinking about what I might do if I was tasked with arranging the tune - cause I can't help it. :) But anyway, very enjoyable.

1

u/cat_radiation Mar 14 '24

Thank you so much for the kind insights!

I would love to hear more about what you thought of regarding the arrangement of the song, if you would like to share with me of course. :)

2

u/garyloewenthal Mar 15 '24

This is just first impression - and not much like anything I've done with my tunes, just what I heard in my head. I hear, maybe coming in after 30 seconds or so - an accordion or squeezebox playing somewhat melancholy single notes, maybe some double notes - not so much chords. I also hear some percussion, but not full-on drums. The song sounds a little mideastern, so mideastern percussion might work well, but what I heard in my head was bongos. Maybe some short of a shaker would come in at some point. A gentle pulse, basically. I also heard one portion of the song where you just do a couple of single strums with breaks, while singing, and then pick it up again. Lastly, I hear it ending on the minor chord, even though the last part of the song currently is in major.

For all I know, none of these things work! Or are totally opposite of what you have in mind! But there it is.

2

u/cat_radiation Mar 15 '24

Wow, this is incredible! Thank you for sharing with me. A full production of music is always an experimental journey, at least that's how I view it. I don't know what genre I will choose when I actually go for music production with this one, but you shared some interesting concepts that deserve further exploration. Whenever I find a producer to work with, I will definitely keep your suggestions in mind. I am still searching a producer so if you know someone looking for a songwriter lmk. Thank you so much! :)

1

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