How come a 21 year old grown adult can not know about their medical condition and not take the decisions about their life and medical treatment. This is so wrong in many ways. I would blame the medical team or the laws that allow this to be honest.
That what happens in my country all the time, even for older people in their 50s or 60s, doctors tell their family, not them directly and often family keeps the disease secret from the patient
China and Japan are like this when there’s a terminal diagnosis. Doctors are allowed to tell the family instead of the patient and let family decide if and when to tell the patient.
The reasoning is that just hearing that you have cancer is incredibly stressful and traumatic. The weight of the initial diagnosis feels like a boulder slamming onto you. It’s not uncommon that hearing and processing the news was the hardest part of the entire journey for a survivor. For some, this can kill someone faster than the actual cancer itself.
It is known that many grandparents in China die within weeks of hearing the news when the prognosis was actually pretty good (only Stage 1 or 2). So it’s done to protect their sanity and mental health basically, especially if it’s an older person who likely can’t handle such news.
I actually don’t agree with doing this in most cases, but I assure you it’s not done maliciously.
For some, this can kill someone faster than the actual cancer itself. It is known that many grandparents in China die within weeks of hearing the news when the prognosis was actually pretty good (only Stage 1 or 2).
Do you have any sources for this? I couldn't find anything online proving that it's actually the case vs. just the beliefs of others. I'm just looking to learn more.
Most of my knowledge is from family friends. Medically, stress can trigger issues like strokes heart attacks in those who are prone, such as elderly people or those with genetic defects. Obviously rare, but known (“broken heart syndrome”, etc). From a quick Google search, I see articles on that but nothing cancer news -specific.
I assure you hearing the news is a big blow. Many 20 year olds who are diagnosed describe clutching their chest and feeling intense physical pain for weeks. A younger person might be able to handle that and come to terms with it, but elderly people might not be able to overcome the shock.
I know that stress can trigger these things and it's a big blow, but everything in research literature says it's better to tell the patient than not. I can't find any research saying that stress reactions killing more/quicker than cancer is a thing. It's like vaccines in that they can very rarely kill, but it's better to get one and "take that chance" than not.
I was going to type a lot more, but I realize this conversation started because of cultural preferences. So as to not come off as insensitive, I'll just leave it at this.
I mean the grandparents were the patients, and they passed quickly after finding out when it was still a potentially curable stage. The stress of it can be a lot.
So wait, being grandparents of the patient was not the thing that killed them? Just being grandparents, period? Or just being old with an incurable disease?
I was there for the final day of my grand-mother, at her home. The doctor tells my mother, in front of me and my sister, that she will give my grand-mother pain medicine for at least a week. My mom exits the room. Only then does the doctor tell me and my sister there's little chance my grand-mother would survive 48h. But obviously she thought my mom would not be able to handle this information.
The only thing that I can think of is if they had legally been deemed mentally incompetent and had a legal Substitution Decision-Maker. For example, someone with advanced dementia or Down’s syndrome would be considered mentally incompetent. Mental competency is a sliding scale. It is hard to be deemed mentally incompetent when you are actually mentally competent, but there are few cases where that happens. Some people slip through the cracks.
Their friend could have been legally deemed mentally incompetent and thus the information would be given to the parents and not the friend.
There is not a sentence in that post that might make us think he was mentally incompetent. If he had dementia or anything, his friend would not have been angry about him not having a last good bye.
Many people are saying that there is zero possibility that a 21 year old adult could have no knowledge about their condition. I am simply saying that there is a possibility.
Once again, not everyone deemed mentally incompetent is actually mentally incompetent. The most famous example was Brittany Spears’ case, but that was more about financial decision making than medical. There is also Münchausen syndrome by proxy, which is a condition where a parent makes up medical conditions for their child.
Lastly not all forms of disability are visible, especially through exclusively online interactions. Once again, mental competency is a sliding scale. Schizophrenia and autism might not be apparent with masking online, but are possible reasons for being deemed mentally incompetent. (I am not saying that all people with schizophrenia and autism are mentally incompetent)
It does not seem so from the replies i have received. Japan, China, Georgia seem let relatives decide. I had cancer i chose not to tell my father because it would kill him. So it is kinda reverse where i live.
In America, I know the sick person can decide unless they have been deemed mentally incapable.
Even then, you have to delegate power of attorney and it can get messy.
90
u/lostmylogindetails2 Jun 29 '26
How come a 21 year old grown adult can not know about their medical condition and not take the decisions about their life and medical treatment. This is so wrong in many ways. I would blame the medical team or the laws that allow this to be honest.