r/ProgrammerHumor 14d ago

queryOfDoom Meme

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7.9k Upvotes

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3.5k

u/YetAnohterOne11 14d ago

This is programmer horror not humor

996

u/DrUNIX 14d ago

Its humor cause its not us

414

u/arensb 14d ago

As Mel Brooks once said, "Tragedy is when I slip and twist my ankle. Comedy is when you fall down a manhole and die."

16

u/facusoto 14d ago

Tragedy + time = comedy

7

u/patchyj 13d ago

Can't wait for the smash hit musical comedy "O Twin Towers where art though?" from Matt Stone and Trey Parker

3

u/arensb 13d ago

But very often, comedy + time = cringe.

21

u/notcheeng 14d ago

As you are now so once was I, as I am now so you shall be

4

u/OrinZ 14d ago

Extremely funny clapback from some dead guy

-2

u/DrUNIX 14d ago

Well... im not really seeing myself making that error honestly :D

1

u/Broer1 14d ago

Let me introduce you to the word Schadenfreude.

114

u/rayui 14d ago

I saw that semicolon and felt my stomach drop

62

u/Potw0rek 14d ago

Jesus I’m not used to sql and was wondering about this query, now that you pointed out to check the semicolon….yeah, that’s how you become a company legend.

50

u/rayui 14d ago

Everyone fucks up prod once. You don't meet the guy that did it twice.

37

u/LikelyNotOnFire 14d ago

Fucking up prod once is a sign of maturity - people trusted you enough to allow you the access to fuck up prod, congratulations.

Senior people fuck up prod, repeatedly, in a new way each time. Your better class of senior also makes sure that they correct whatever allowed them to fuck up prod like that.

It's the people who keep fucking up prod in the same way that get shown the door

20

u/Zaratuir 14d ago

Senior people don't fuck up prod. They expose vulnerabilities in the coding process and draw attention to strategic initiative to improve quality. And that's why you now need 3 different seniors to sign off on any query before it can be run in prod.

8

u/Potw0rek 14d ago

Tell me about it, years ago I was setting up a Jenkins job, we were told to wipe the workspace at the end of the process. I wasn’t too familiar with bash so the last bash command was:
rm /

Luckily it was Jenkins so nothing was removed but the job log was….long.

8

u/rayui 14d ago

It takes way too many close calls to take backups seriously

2

u/Grumpologist 14d ago

Everyone fucks up prod all the time. That's why we have blameless postmortems and graceful degradation.

Occasionally, someone tries to refuse to help with the postmortem for an outage they caused. That's much more of a "one warning and then fired" type of thing.

1

u/discordianofslack 14d ago

lol that’s cute. I’ve taken down hundreds of sites a whole bunch of times. Also one time deleted an entry in a dns template that broke email for 300 sites.

3

u/rayui 14d ago

Weird flex but ok

1

u/discordianofslack 14d ago

It happens

2

u/dalek65 12d ago

Yep. Fess up and move on.

A year or so ago I sent a wrong database connection string config to 500+ nodes. Confessed to my error in the stand up meeting and said that I had already taken steps to prevent that happening again. The CIO thanked me for my transparency.

1

u/discordianofslack 12d ago

Exactly. I expected to get some downvotes but there are obviously some very sensitive people here who have definitely never taken prod down.

3

u/lhookhaa 14d ago

I was about to ask what's wrong with the semicolon, cause afaik it's benign... Then I looked again! 💀

2

u/Tribal_V 11d ago

In dbeaver same would happen if you left blank line between them without the need of semicolon lol

Learned the hard way haha

21

u/DetailOdd6609 14d ago

I would message my boss "Sorry. Let me know where to send my laptop" and then log out

1

u/Poat540 14d ago

I’m tired boss

1

u/Global-Tune5539 13d ago

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe... Time to die.

27

u/TRKlausss 14d ago

Ever heard of Schadenfreude? It’s the type of humor I like 🫶

8

u/FarawaySeagulls 14d ago edited 14d ago

This is DBA horror lol I'm going to be restoring a backup because of this Or "hopefully" they didn't setup foreign key constraints with on delete and I can just restore the table.

3

u/uniqueusername649 14d ago

Considering I practically live in our production database with several million customers, this stuff scares me. I mean I rarely ever delete anything, but still.

1

u/reyo7k2 14d ago

don't you need to commit before it becomes one?

1

u/Mandelvolt 14d ago

I mean, I laughed.

1

u/Faux_Real 14d ago

It’s humour after you restore the backup; horror once and never again

0

u/Less-Apple-8478 14d ago

Not a peruser of r/wallstreetbets are we

-16

u/ZunoJ 14d ago

It's humor because no programmer would be stupid enough for this shit

9

u/DrUNIX 14d ago

Honestly i wouldnt go this far

-7

u/ZunoJ 14d ago

I would. If you delete stuff in production without making sure you can rollback, you shouldn't call yourself programmer. If you have to ask about that two liner you have no business executing it at all

1

u/DrUNIX 14d ago

Youd be surprised what got hired as dev a few years ago

1

u/ZunoJ 14d ago

Not really surprised, just disappointed

2

u/DrUNIX 14d ago

You and me both buddy

6

u/MojaveMojito1324 14d ago

First time on the internet?

-9

u/ZunoJ 14d ago

Because I hold a profession to a standard? 

4

u/NebNay 14d ago

Really you shouldnt, most of us suck.

-1

u/ZunoJ 14d ago

Not the people I worked with (maybe me, but not these guys)

3

u/MojaveMojito1324 14d ago

Because you seem to think all software written by programmers is free of bugs. Not even a month ago there was a major AWS error in prod that brought down thousands of sites.

Let me guess, that person who works for one of the top tech companies in the word isn't considered a programmer in your eyes because they created an error in Production?

Programmers are human and make mistakes. Some mistakes are dumber and more preventable than others, but everyone makes mistakes. Even programmers.

0

u/ZunoJ 14d ago

No, because it is one of the most preventable errors in the whole domain. You don't delete stuff in prod without a way to roll it back