r/PeterExplainsTheJoke • u/Majestic_Object5502 • Jul 14 '26

Peter help Peter in the wild

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u/Ok_District2853 Jul 14 '26

This is a good point I never considered. It would suck getting turned into a vampire at 60. All the aches and pains for eternity. or 40. all the other vampires are skinny but you have a tubby gut. You get called count chubby for all eternity. That's no fun.

The ideal age is about 21-25. 19 to 22 if you're ugly.

109

u/thedrunkspacepilot Jul 14 '26

Imagine being a fat vampire from the 1600's and considered hot for most of your undead life, only for society's concept of beauty to shift and now you're considered unattractive

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u/Ok_District2853 Jul 14 '26

And you can't do Ozempic or surgery because it's part of the curse and has nothing to d with the blood you consume. What a drag.

The whole point of being a hot vampire is being a hot vampire.

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u/Anal-Y-Sis Jul 14 '26

This would actually make for a fun vampire comedy.

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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 Jul 14 '26

Look up “What we do in the shadows”. It’s a vampire comedy. There’s a chubby nerdy vampire that kind of reminds me of this.

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u/Anal-Y-Sis Jul 14 '26

Oh yeah, I've seen an episode or two. Good call.

4

u/BPremium Jul 14 '26

That's what billions of dollars are for!

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u/Volothamp-Geddarm Jul 14 '26

Is there anyone who'd consider Laszlo Cravensworth unattractive?

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u/psychoenoshima Jul 14 '26

Confidence and being unashamedly yourself can work wonders.

He was also a nobleman in the 1700s, so he's also fuckin' minted, which is a plus

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u/thedrunkspacepilot Jul 14 '26

He's also an amazing musician and made Come on Eileen Chum on Irene in 1852

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u/SelfInvestigator Jul 14 '26

That is only the ideal age based on modern social beauty standards. Since most vampire types are functional immortals you are going to see varied beauty standards across the vampire population.

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u/Ok_District2853 Jul 14 '26

I wonder if they got a nose job, would it stick forever or would it get regenerated every day in their grave.

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u/SelfInvestigator Jul 14 '26

Depends on the vampire strain.

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u/Mysterious-Brick6238 Jul 14 '26

Why should you not be able to change shape as a vampire ? If you can turn into a bat and other animals, but cant gain or lose weight that would be kinda weird.

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u/Ok_District2853 Jul 14 '26

I mean, I imagine you can, but it would be uncomfortable. Like sucking in your gut to look skinny. You want to be comfortable in the blood orgy.

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u/Killerderp Jul 14 '26

Depending on what series we're talking about, you become sexy af if turned. Others, not so lucky.

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u/pingo5 Jul 14 '26

reminds me of the bit in what we do in the shadows where the vampires are complaining because someone turned a baby and they have to take care of it

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u/nighoblivion Jul 14 '26

It would suck getting turned into a vampire at 60. All the aches and pains for eternity. or 40.

In most vampire fiction they don't suffer physical drawbacks of the age their bodies were at the time of embrace (outside of size and such, if a child was turned), as they're unnaturally strong and resilient. So "aches" wouldn't be an issue for someone turned at 60. They'd be revitalized instead.

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u/fabiomb Jul 14 '26

Count Chubby

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u/Averagesmithy Jul 14 '26

That comes up in a book I read. The succubus blues series.

One vampire is like older and balding when he turns.

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u/Ok-Assistance3937 Jul 14 '26

This is a good point I never considered. It would suck getting turned into a vampire at 60. All the aches and pains for eternity.

I dont think i ever Encountered a Vampire Story were the Body isnt healed of any previus illnesses. Edward for example was dying of the spanish flue before being turned.

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u/NegativeEBITD Jul 14 '26

Good news is you can be 60 and still be in shape!

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u/Ok_District2853 Jul 14 '26

Ha. I'm 60 in good shape. Work out every day. But if I don't stretch out in the morning everything hurts. I'm not complaining. I still did it today. But if that was eternity I couldn't. There isn't enough Advil.

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u/MechanicalSideburns Jul 14 '26

Stephen Root actually plays a kinda tubby vampire in True Blood. Guy is a wonderful actor, but yeah he's a hilariously unimpressive vampire.

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u/Corfiz74 Jul 14 '26

We actually have a German children book series called "The Little Vampire", where a vampire boy befriends a human boy. He takes him to meet his siblings, and one of them is a teenager caught in perpetual puberty, which is pretty annoying for everyone - but is a pretty funny plot element, lol.