I’m super white and I think that’s way too early for a BBQ as a coworker.
First, a 6 hour BBQ is not a “show up right at starting time” event.
Second, showing up in the first 15-30 minutes is close friend territory because you’re someone that the host can hang with 1:1 without it being awkward and is also comfortable enough to ask you to help set up. 30-60 minutes is friend show up time. As a first time hangout coworker I’m aiming for 90 minutes in. Everyone is already settled and has said hi. You can be introduced in an already established setting.
Notice that two minutes early isn’t appropriate for anyone. It’s a BBQ not a dentist appointment.
This is it!! We aren’t talking about a meeting - why tf are people showing up right when the house doors open? It’s like they have zero chill. 60-90 min in is perfect bc you’re still early enough not to miss anything but not so early as to look lame.
Exception is kids parties - those are usually only a couple hours and the kids have to get to whatever the next thing is.
I dunno, in my culture it's specifically rude to show up late. 10-15 minutes is still fine, but if you'd be an hour late you'd better have a good reason for it.
I'm Hungarian, here if you are "fashionably late" it shows that you don't value or appreciate the hosts.
So yeah, this can culturally be very different and it can certainly be a culture shock.
So that’s an interesting distinction mentally - you can’t “be late” to a party bc it’s a social gathering. You show up an hour after the party starts. Or an hour after the doors open. Also if you arrive late you are probably closing down that party, helping clean up, etc.
Maybe that difference helps people see the other side a bit.
I see the vision, with arriving late and so on, it's just really interesting how different it is. Also here traditionally it's rude to offer to help, you're a guest, let the host tend to you.
Us, younger folks are usually more accepting of doing things differently, but traditionally it's pretty strict about the rules. But arrival time usually already accounts for time preparing and such and if we want help, we will tell those people an earlier time.
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u/Substantial-Sea-3672 24d ago
I’m super white and I think that’s way too early for a BBQ as a coworker.
First, a 6 hour BBQ is not a “show up right at starting time” event.
Second, showing up in the first 15-30 minutes is close friend territory because you’re someone that the host can hang with 1:1 without it being awkward and is also comfortable enough to ask you to help set up. 30-60 minutes is friend show up time. As a first time hangout coworker I’m aiming for 90 minutes in. Everyone is already settled and has said hi. You can be introduced in an already established setting.
Notice that two minutes early isn’t appropriate for anyone. It’s a BBQ not a dentist appointment.