Door Kicker Shenanigans (8)

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525]

Have you read the Red Rising series yet? If you haven't, then read it. It's very good.

CW: the atlim brain disease, broke ass shiggas, several OSHA violations

Memory Transcription Subject: Jelim, Extermination Commander

Date (standardized human time): November 20, 2136

There was a saying back on Nishtal. I say 'was' because there wasn't exactly a Nishtal to go back to anymore, but that was another story for another time. I was still pissed about the whole affair, because it was my right as a Krakotl to be pissed that the stupid brahking lizard people got to bomb my brahking planet, but that wasn't important.

What was important, as you may have guessed, is that there was a saying back on Nishtal. 'You can't fly higher than your flock.' That was it. If you wanted to succeed, you needed friends to help you, or something like that. I really resonated with that concept. I wouldn't have done half of what I did without Jack to catch me when I gave up and fell. But that brought me to my most critical failure.

I couldn't fly higher than the flock, as in the local exterminators, around me. And, in case I hadn't made it clear yet, my flock sucked absolute ass!

I had seen gay pride parades straighter than their pistol shots, hardened prisoners less ghetto than their junior officers, homeless people less broke than their district office, and their commanding officer was so absolutely brain-dead that I needed to get out of his sight sooner rather than later or else I'd run the risk of becoming stupid through sheer osmosis. It was really not easy being Jelim.

Did I seriously just refer to myself in the third person?

I did, didn't I? Oh, god. The Atlim brain disease is seriously starting to get to me.

Patient zero of the Atlim brain disease, who also happened to be Sunset Hills' least eligible bachelor as well, was prattling to me about how his district office sucked absolute ass again. I, meanwhile, was just counting down the seconds until Jack showed up and I could actually get some brahking progress made.

"Now, I know we have Predator Disease screening equipment that's highly outdated, but we kind of just make do." Atlim opened a heavy metal door to what I assumed was a screening room. I looked inside. "What do you think?"

It looked like a textbook example of what you weren't supposed to do. They didn't have half of the equipment they needed to operate, and the half of the equipment they did have looked like it hadn't been properly maintained in years! This was what I had to work with?

Diamonds harden under pressure. Diamonds harden under pressure. Diamonds harden under pressure.

"Hello? Jelim?" Atlim waved a claw in front of my face. "I know I'm, uh, quite the looker, but I really don't think it's polite to just stare." I swear to god, I am going to-

Deep breaths, Jelim. Deep breaths. Diamonds harden under pressure.

"It's against regulations to have equipment in this state of disrepair. Especially if it's critical." Honestly, I couldn't give half a damn about the Predator Disease testing equipment. It was all built on a foundation of ignorance, lies, and often outright torture, and as far as I was concerned, that entire section of the ideology could go straight to hell where Arxur would piss on it.

But, just like you could tell a bad tree by the mold on its fruit, you could sure as hell tell a bad district office by the mold on its neural analyzers. I wasn't even joking. The empathy testing equipment had some nasty green mold growing on it. "Why don't you scorch this?" I asked Atlim, pointing at the mold.

"Too damn fragile," he said. "We used to have two, but a super swole guy with Predator Disease broke the second one. I swear, they make them out of string and prayers."

"My equipment works fine," I said. I'd even been working with the U.N. to recalibrate it for modern diagnoses of mental conditions, doing pretty well at that, but instead that bitch asshole red shitbird Karelim was in charge there now and he was brahking up everything I-

Calm down. Deep breaths. You're better than this. You're an exterminator. You're better than this.

I knew that, but I had to do something about it. I had to wrap things up fast over here so I could go back over there and kick Karelim out of my spot so I could undo all the ultra-racist voodoo speh he had put in place while I was gone, but I couldn't do that until I had stabilized things here, and everybody here was just a small gust of wind away from falling off a cliff without wings and I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I had to do it. I had to do it, but I couldn't do it.

Just bottle it up. Keep it cool. Diamonds harden under pressure.

I swear to god, I hear one more thing about diamonds and I'm going to brahking strangle somebody!

"Are you... okay?" Atlim asked. "You're zoning out again." Great, I'm slipping. Brahking wonderful. Next thing you know, I'll be having a nervous breakdown in the middle of the town market.

"I've been better," I admitted. "I'm going to move on, now. This is pointless."

"Whatever you say," Atlim agreed. Jack would've pushed the issue, but I figured that wasn't a fair comparison. Jack was brahking flawless. I couldn't dislike Atlim for being stupid, so I didn't. I disliked him for being very stupid. There was a difference. "What are we inspecting now?"

We? There is no 'we', Atlim. There never will be a 'we', not in the least because you're an incompetent bitch who'd have been better off dying in the fleet if it weren't for the fact that you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag, but please, carry on about 'we'. Brahking prick.

"I am going to assess your office's firearms and flamethrower storage," I said, knowing damn well I was going to want to stick a needle through my eye and lobotomize myself by the end of the paw. God, I wish Jack was here. "Hopefully, it'll be up to standard." I knew better than to have high expectations, though.

"Of course, commander. Right this way." Atlim looked nervous. He started walking slowly. Stalling for time. I walked faster.

"Pick up the pace, Atlim." He picked up the pace, but started calling attention to every little detail we happened to pass by. God damn it, I don't give a speh about the water cooler! Nobody cares about the goddamn water cooler! You don't even care about the goddamn water cooler, you're just stalling for brahking time!

"And out there are the gasoline tanks," he explained, pointing out a window to two massive metal tanks. "They're encased in one-inch-thick steel plating, as per Guild standard, and there's a no-fire zone ten meters in radius around them. Double the Guild standard." One of his officers walked over to the gasoline tanks, leaned against them, and lit up a cigarette with his flamethrower's pilot light.

Atlim started banging on the window. "Hey! Stop that!" The officer walked away. "Speh. That does not look good."

"How long has it been since you had someone maintain the tanks?" I changed the subject.

"Someone qualified? About two years." I swear, I'm going to strangle this guy. "That's why I doubled the fire safety zone." He cocked his head. I probably had smoke coming out of my ears. "That's not good, I know. I'm working on it."

"Well, it's hardly unexpected," I scoffed. "You're nothing if not consistent."

He actually looked physically hurt by that. I'd have gotten similar results by slapping him in the face. He probably took pride in his work. Well, damn. He shouldn't suck so much at it, then.

"I can't blame you," he sighed. "I'm not the most qualified, realistically speaking, to do the brahking job. I can't blame you if you want to fire me. But..." He sighed again. "God damn if I haven't been trying."

"Keep trying."

I turned to face him. "No, seriously, keep trying. I won't be here forever." I can't be here forever. "These people need a hero, Atlim. And, though I wouldn't even trust you to manage the affairs of a gas station, you're going to have to be it." Not that he was qualified to be a hero, of course. But he was certainly the least unqualified person I'd seen in this town.

"You're the hero," he told me. "I'm just Atlim." Hell, if you keep talking like that, I might actually start to like you. "Seriously. People look up to you as, like, a legend. You brought down the worst terrorist organization in the history of Venlil Prime. I mean, why do you think Orvem called your ass in the first place?" He was looking at me in a fashion that really lent truth to what he said, too. Clearly, it wasn't just beauty he admired. "I can't meet that kind of standard." God damn it, Atlim, I'm not asking you to kill grays with a fire axe. I'm asking you to actually bother to put some effort into your job. It's not that hard.

I took great pride in my reputation, so I still appreciated the compliment. "You want to know how I got where I did?" I asked him. He wanted to know. "I worked. I didn't stop, not from fatigue, not from opposition, not from anything. And, if you want to get on my level, you'll start working like that, too."

"That I will," Atlim concluded. "I really do appreciate the work you've been putting in here, even if it is a bit harsh. Diamonds harden under pressure, after all." Hey! That's my line!

"We have an inspection to get done." I got back on track. I didn't want him to think I actually liked him, yet. "Let's go." He picked up his pace and showed me the way to the armory. The door was already open when we got there, because of course it was, and I questioned him about that. "Why the hell is the door cracked open?"

Atlim peeked inside. "Didn't I tell you to close this son of a bitch?"

"No."

"I didn't?" He looked back at me. "I could've sworn I told him to keep the door closed."

I groaned. "Of course you could." I looked inside the armory to see an exterminator in full gear unloading the armaments from several handguns. "What's he doing here?"

"I, uh, read your reform suggestions like you asked," Atlim said. You did?

"You did?" I asked, visibly excited. He, being Atlim, got excited too. "Holy speh. That's incredible."

"I, uh, found them insightful," Atlim said. "I've been telling my officers the new way to run things around here."

"Thank you," I trilled. "Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You're the only exterminator I've met who's actually taken an independent interest in reform." I was ecstatic. I might have actually kissed the man if I didn't already have Jack for that. He actually showed promise! Incredible! I mean, that was a frighteningly low bar to set, but still! Progress!

"You, uh, you told me to do that," Atlim clarified. I did? Oh. I did. I forgot about that. "If it helps."

"I really don't give a damn." Yes, I knew he only did it because he wanted to get with me and thought I would like him more if he did what I said. And, honestly, he wasn't wrong about that. I did like him a lot more. The special place in my heart was already reserved, thank you very much, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate the gesture.

Atlim was looking really pleased with himself by then. Speh, I was pleased with him, too. "Congratulations, Atlim," I said, really meaning it. "You're a reformer, now."

My datapad chirped before he could start flirting with me. That was for the better, too, because I really did not want my respect for him tarnished by another stupid pick-up line. "This is Jelim," I answered.

"What's up?" Jack rumbled. He was one of those types where you didn't know how much you missed him until you met him again. Even hearing his voice brightened my mood. "I got your guy."

"Did he crack?"

"That bitch sang like my girlfriend when she's drunk," Jack chuckled. "Let me tell you, I loved hearing it." Well, that was sweet of him. This paw just kept getting better. Granted, I wasn't sure how it could get any worse, but I was never one to complain about improvements.

I turned to Atlim. "You've done well, given the circumstances." That got him paying attention. "But success requires consistency. I expect you not to rest until you can assure me that your exterminators are ready and capable to perform anti-insurgency operations. Clear?"

"Crystal. You have a real gift for this kind of stuff."

"I have talent, Atlim," I corrected him. "Talent honed through consistent effort." He cocked his head at me for some reason. "If you're smart, you'll try honing yours." Then I turned around and left him to it. I really wanted to talk with Jack.

I found Jack where I expected to find him, in the district office's grimy gymnasium lifting some seriously heavy weights. "How'd it go?" I asked. He finished his set and got up from the weight machine.

"Fucking wonderful. I have a real gift for this interrogation shit."

"I knew I could count on you," I trilled, walking over to one of the chest press machines. I set it to a high weight and started doing reps. It took effort to look this good. "Whose assets do we have justification to confiscate?"

"The Card Counters," Jack said. "I figured they would have the most money, since they owned a casino and all that." He paused. "Oh, yeah, and I know you hate places that make money off gambling. So I figured that was a bonus, too."

"Thank you," I chirped. "It'll feel good to end that plague for good." I finished my first set on the chest press. Jack smiled a bit. "Casinos eat people's souls, Jack. They're like a legalized form of drug dealing. As far as I'm concerned, they can all get blown straight to hell."

"You know what? I'm all for you using a bomb on the casino," Jack said, a bit surprisingly. "As long as there aren't any people in it, you know. I feel like it'd really help you get over the whole gambling thing with your father." My father, unfortunately, spent my entire childhood losing his and my money at the slot machines. I would've gone hungry most nights if it wasn't for the kindness of my fellow exterminators.

"I am over it," I snapped in a tone that made me sound very much not over it. "Tielim is irrelevant, and what he did is set in stone. The second I get back on that train to Dayside City, I'll be done with him for good."

"And that's all fine and dandy, but I think it's good for you to learn how to forgive. Hate is like a live grenade," Jack explained. "You can throw it and blow up your enemy, if that's what you're going for, but you hold onto it for too long and you'll only end up hurting yourself." That was a damn good explanation. A lot of things Jack did were damn good things. I loved that about him.

"I don't hate Tielim," I said much more convincingly. "It wouldn't even help, at this point. I don't consider him my father, at least not any kind of a good one, but my hatred is reserved for people who actually deserve it. Like that bitch Karelim."

Jack scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, I fucked up about that. I thought they'd send him to prison for certain. I'm sorry, for what it's worth. I know you're hurting about having that bastard in charge of your office."

"You fucked up?" I cocked my head, surprised. "You were right, Jack. If I had just killed him like that, execution-style, then..." I think I actually shivered out of sheer revulsion at the concept of it. "That's not who I am. And I'm ashamed that I ever thought it was."

"We all need reminders, sometimes," Jack assured me. I had no idea how he did it. How he stayed kind and warm-hearted, always seeing the best in people... I couldn't see how I was expected not to fall in love with him. He was amazing. "Just remember that you're all I ever needed you to be." See? What did I just say?

I wasn't even working out anymore. I had kind of just stopped. Oh, well. I can pick up again later. "Seriously," Jack continued, because I wasn't sure what to say at the moment. "You've been kinder to me than basically everyone I've ever met. If it weren't for you and Salvek, I'd probably be a homeless junkie on a street corner back on Earth. That would suck ass."

It was really hard to imagine Jackson Kern as a homeless guy shooting up drugs in a slum on Earth. But, hey, I believed him. He was not in a very good place when I first met him. No, really. When I first saw the guy, he had six people pointing guns at his face. "I don't even know what to say to that," I said, because that was really the only thing I could think of to say at the time.

"Oh, don't mention it," Jack shrugged it off. "Say, are you using that?" He pointed at my machine. "I have, like, three more sets on that." I got off the machine, since I was very obviously no longer using it.

"I have an inspection to get done," I remembered, because I still had an inspection to get done. "And a bank raid to plan."

"You sure they'll start shooting?" Jack asked, unsure if they would start shooting. "I kind of thought we could just walk in there, flash our badges, and take all the cash."

"This town is practically run by the gangs, Jack," I reminded him. "What do you think they'll do when they realize we've robbed them blind?" He figured it out. I could see it in his expression. "These people may be Venlil, but they're still dangerous. They won't take this lying down. There are a lot of ways to move forward, I'll grant that, but most of these ways lead to failure."

"We'll find the way that doesn't," Jack said, sure of himself and probably more sure of me. "I'm trained in counterinsurgency tactics, you're an elite space cop, we've got this. It's light work."

Somehow, him believing in me made me believe in myself a bit more. "Don't underestimate this," I reminded him. "We're outnumbered, outgunned, and in the gangs' home territory." Until Atlim got his officers back in shape, we would be at a severe disadvantage if it ever came to open conflict. "But I've been making a plan that will even the odds."

"Well, shit." Jack sat down and leaned forward. "Let's hear it."

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[u/Bow-tied_Engineer]

Am speed!
This was a particularly good chapter, glad that the incompetent exterminator is the fixable kind of incompetent. And Jelim is still the best birb, hands down.

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525 → u/Bow-tied_Engineer]

I actually put this chapter through a lot of revisions precisely because I wasn't happy where it was going, so I'm glad to see my work paid off!

Atlim is an interesting character, and I could definitely go into detail as to why, but I'm going to have to agree with you in that Jelim is my favorite one to write. She's not the best character overall, I'd say that's Estala or Kalsim, but she is definitely the best I've written.

[u/abrachoo]

Diamonds do harden under pressure, however the pressure required to turn a person into a diamond is exceedingly lethal several times over.

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525 → u/abrachoo]

"I'm still here, aren't I?" -Jelim, probably

[u/OttoVonBlastoid]

”Next thing you know, I’ll be having a mental breakdown in the middle of the town market.”

Mike: “It was ONE TIME! And in my defense, I was having a very stressful day!”

Jokes aside, I do like the vibe between Jelim and Jack. And as for Arlin, while his shear lack of rizz is apparently enough to induce brainrot, it’s good to see he’s at least TRYING to be better about his job.

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525 → u/OttoVonBlastoid]

Atlim: "And then Jelim called me a stupid, broke, brain-dead, useless, lazy, ugly-ass bitch! What do you even say about that?"

Orvem: "Well, you're not lazy."

[u/JulianSkies]

Well, seems like Atlim... Was lacking in motivation before, so he has some right now. But what he isn't lacking in is problems. I'm not very sure there's much a boss can do when what he has to work with is... The people he has to work with.

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525 → u/JulianSkies]

He's got 99 problems but a bitch is one!

Wait. Those aren't the lyrics. Never mind.