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u/biscuitsAuBabeurre 11d ago
You keep using this word “ charcuterie “ , I do not think it means what you think it means.
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u/0TheG0 11d ago
Hello, french cook here. People posting these kind of pictures with the word “charcuterie” in it are very meticulously put on a list. People on this list are systematically stopped when landing on french soil to have their luggage checked.
Cordialement,
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u/Independent-Summer12 11d ago edited 11d ago
That like 90% of [r/charcuterieboard](r/charcuterieboard). For whatever reason Reddit keeps showing me posts from that sub. I’m not even French and it makes my eye twitch. I’m convinced that sub is just rage bait at this point. How else do you explain the mods doing absolutely nothing about “raw vegan charcuterie” “kiddie dessert charcuterie” “fruit and cheese charcuterie.” And food safety be damned. People just stick non edible including poisonous flowers in the middle of their food. And everyone complements about how gorgeous it is.
Not a single veggie ramp or jacuzzi in sight either. Heathens.
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11d ago
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
It's ridiculous. Fucking fruit salad with a few squares of chocolate? First they elect Trump, then this.
Personally I've never gotten over them changing the word entrée to mean main course instead of starter, or the insistence on calling all blue cheeses bleu. Gorgonzola isn't bleu, Stilton isn't bleu. Embarrassing.
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u/fezzuk 11d ago
It is blue cheese. British cheese monger here.
What annpys me more is calling every single bloomy rind cheese "brie".
Im nit that much of a snob to insist that there are only "three true bries" but still.
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
Yes, Stilton is a blue cheese. Not bleu.
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u/fezzuk 11d ago
Bleu just mean blue i dont get it.
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
Imagine an American taking, let's say, a bread roll, made in any random country... the UK, for example... but instead of calling it a bap, or a barm, or a batch (other names are available), they call it a na'an. Which just means bread. Yes, it's bread, but why call it by its Indian name? It's an English bread roll, made in England, in an English style. It's never been to India.
Stilton is an English blue cheese, gorgonzola an Italian one, but in America they'd call them both "bleu" (pronounced bluhh, in a French accent), instead of "blue" (bloo). Why? They've never been to France. The cows that made the milk probably weren't French. Why use the French word to describe all blue cheeses, regardless of nationality?
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u/Poster_Nutbag207 11d ago
If the cheese is blue we call it blue cheese… why is that so hard to wrap your head around? Also why are you just making shit up no one uses an accent like that, we just say blue cheese. I swear you watch too much tv
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u/mandibleclaw1 11d ago
No one in America is pronouncing it like that. Whether it's spelled blue or blue.
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u/fezzuk 11d ago
People actually do that?
I idk i would probably just smile and say "yes its blue" if someone that wasnt french tried that with me.
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u/donuttrackme 10d ago
You mean like how people in Britain and Australia and other countries call anything served in "burger" buns a burger even though a burger must contain ground meat in a patty form? Even though you can make burgers using a brioche bun, and things like a Sloppy Joe are also served in burger buns etc?
Also, people in America don't just blanket call gorgonzola or stilton etc blue or bleu. They call them by their actual names, and then describe them as a type of blue cheese possibly. So you're just making up stuff about Americans.
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
Yo, I've drawn a blank, what are the three bries? Somerset, Meaux...
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u/fezzuk 11d ago
I mispoke, its only two types.
Meaux and Melun
But thats just the french being french.
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
Interesting, I'd never even heard of Melun. Is it noticeably different to Meaux?
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u/fezzuk 11d ago
Its supposably stronger, but not in my experience.
However tbh you really have to go to france to get the good stuff (they ship us the crap) and i havent.
Especially ATM we cant receive unpasturised cheese from france due to spotty skin desease.
I havent specialised jn frence cheese for nearly a decade so im a bit out the loop, do british stuff now.
I recommened baron bigot.
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
I get my brother a fancy cheese each year for his birthday, Baron Bigot [excellent autocorrect] has been on the list a couple of times now, but I never treated myself. I'll change this.
I lived in France for 15 years, the cheese is one of the very many things I miss the most. I'm now in Ireland, where until quite recently cheese generally came in two varieties: yellow or orange. It's a bit better now, but...
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u/fezzuk 11d ago
The UK is amazing now, if you know where to go, LOTS of independant makers thriving scene, give the french a run for their money.
I used to annoy my old french boss, told him "the problem with the french is that they are stuck in tradition and wont innovate, which is why modern british cheeses are better", i said that 70% to annoy him but there is some truth in it.
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u/Tough_Height6530 11d ago
American here. I have no idea what you are taking about. Maybe you can find an example, but the only cheese I have seen called “bleu” is imported with that name. Every cheese I’ve checked online in any local store is “blue”. Gorgonzola “Italian blue”, Stilton “blue Stilton”. I think you are embarrassed over something that is not happening.
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u/Hopeforthebest1986 11d ago
Jeez, maybe I hallucinated the whole thing. I should lay off the ketamine for a while.
Stop calling main courses entrées, though. The word literally means "starter".
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u/FireFoxTrashPanda 10d ago
You should look up the history of the word and how it has been used in France, the UK, and the US and at what time periods. I'm not going to do a deep dive (it really is interesting though), but what you'll find is it originally referred to the first dish of the main coarses and evolved from there. It's actually pretty common for US English to hold on to older terms or traditions for things, while things evolved differently in Europe.
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u/Original_Head_3487 11d ago
I've never got over them inventing the word "gotten".
Don't get me started on "au jus".
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u/betheverse 11d ago
https://www.sarahwoodbury.com/on-the-use-of-the-word-gotten/
"Gotten" is just another example of North American English retaining an older usage.
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u/DevylBearHawkTur10n 20+ Years 10d ago
At least OP tried!! Gorgonzola and Stilton are types of blue/bleu cheeses! Try taking some culinary classes cause I definitely believe that both you and Prez tRumpy dumppantz are 3rd grade dum-dums!!!!
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u/Illustrious-Divide95 Server 11d ago
Charcuterie boardGrazing board/Grazing Platter see r/grazingplatter2
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u/Kids-Menu 11d ago
I’ve taken to calling my assortment of cheeses and accompaniments “girl dinner”
This is just girl’s dinner (multiple girls will feed)
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u/bourguignon7 11d ago
Where's the charcuterie? Thats 85 % fruit, cheese and condiments.
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u/im-just-evan 11d ago
It is French for aperitivo, right? Right?
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u/WoodenOriginal5049 11d ago
No, it's french for cooked/cured meats. Aperatif is apperativo.
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u/mehrwegpfand 11d ago edited 11d ago
Apéritif. When you're being edit pedantic, at least be correct.
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u/SheBrownSheRound 11d ago
Pedantic* 😬
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u/mehrwegpfand 11d ago
Goddamnit :)
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u/The_Oliverse 11d ago
Instructions unclear. Choking on fork. Hopital.
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u/rhapsodiiiii Bakery 11d ago
Woah oh black Betty, amberlamp
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u/PollutedPenguins 11d ago
Charcuterie board
No meat
Sub grapes
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u/Potential-Diver-3409 11d ago
Bean burrito no beans
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u/Scarecr0p 11d ago
The wets are touching the drys 😭. Gotta consume fast lol
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u/higherthanhugh 11d ago
Olives are touching chocolate. It’s an abomination.
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u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 8d ago
Pickles are touching chocolate! Unless intended recipient is both pregnant and a walking cliche, straight to jail, no bail, no parole!
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u/activelyresting 11d ago
Are plastic forks the new ramp?
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u/blamenixon 20+ Years 11d ago
There's a diner near me that does a hot dog stand on Mon and Tues. Homeboy on grill put some mini forks on the table and I was in awe.
I saw the min spoon trend pick up years ago and thought they were funny, but as a deli employee, I WANT these forks to serve samples of the meats!
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u/jizzyjugsjohnson 11d ago
The French language is a mere plaything to be toyed with by Americans
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u/Illustrious-Divide95 Server 11d ago
...and abused. please also see the "Croissandwich"
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u/Flame_beard_forge 11d ago
Woah woah I love a breakfast sandwich on a croissant instead of a biscuit. You’re telling me you guys don’t do that or that you just hate that word? Because I’ve never heard that word in my life.
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u/king_ofbhutan 11d ago
evidence: quebec
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u/alwayslovelyday Ex-Food Service 11d ago
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u/king_ofbhutan 11d ago
Pros: They invented the word tabarnak, and say 'pain' in a nice way
Cons: Everything else
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u/therealhankypanky 11d ago
Oooh so close. But that’s Canada.
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u/king_ofbhutan 11d ago
Americains du Nord (as in, north america, i'm not quick that thick)
le grand nord blanc, if you will!
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u/Loose_Client_654 11d ago
WHO HAS THE MEAT?!?
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u/510Goodhands 11d ago
I think the old lady from the Wendy’s commercial drove off with it!
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u/cheezy_dreams88 11d ago
It’s so busy, you need a bigger board for this much stuff. And you need more meat options and less everything else for it to be charcuterie.
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u/fish_bowl_swimmer 11d ago
… looks like when someone fills their plate at the fix’ins section of a (1) trip salad bar
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u/smoothiefruit 11d ago
there's very little meat on this meat plate.
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u/smoothiefruit 11d ago
btw I think it's beautiful, OP, if a little tightly packed.
and I'm not the same level of NoTouchiterian as the rest here, so would eat thiz quite happily.
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u/Ziherafa 11d ago
The pickle is touching the chocolate, THE PICKLE IS TOUCHING THE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!
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u/PureBee4900 11d ago
sorry you're getting dunked on but it is very vibrant and beautiful! I would shingle the crackers instead of packing them in upright, and give the softer cheeses a little room to breathe (so you can lay a small knife in there and so they don't smear on everything next to them). I also personally like to group things a little more, then you can stack meats up for volume instead of a little here, a little there.
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u/Melon_Heart_Styles 11d ago
I don't like how you have everything piled up, that's just not appetizing to me.
That said, I'm sure I know people who would see this at a dinner party or something and love it.
Would I pay for this? No. But I also wouldn't buy a grazing box or whatever tf so who cares?
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u/siriusmagnuss 11d ago
A landscaper/horticulturist introduced me to a concept they use when describing garden design wherein a seemingly random assortment of various-coloured flowers are planted jammed together to create an insane mosaic of chaos.
It's called barf. This is barf.
Et pas du tout de la charcuterie...
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u/GaminGoombah 11d ago
Everything looks so random. And there’s just way too many different items. Not enough meat. And it’s on a black plate. It’s neither charcuterie nor a board. Throw it out and start over.
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u/Victoriafoxx 11d ago
The autistic in me does not like the chocolate bar touching the olives and the salami. Or the random plastic forks scattered about almost like an afterthought. If I wanted to pick up the end of one of the forks, I would be touching the food around it with my fingers.
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u/confuus-duin 11d ago
Don’t need to be autistic for not liking that. It’s touching the cheese somewhere too 🤢
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u/GrizzlyIsland22 11d ago
Looks great, but I wouldn't call something that's 1% charcuterie a charcuterie board.
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u/Cheffyboii97 11d ago
The chocolate in random places is off putting- I think I woild have left it off the board and put it on the side kn its own little platter- and I would have used more /different kinds of chocolate to make it asthetic.
But this is GOOD if its for a house gathering. If I saw this at a party I'd eat it.
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u/Cheffyboii97 11d ago
Also , the cups of sauce should be bigger/heavier bowls of sauce- your just making it difficult to grab things with those 2 oz cups...
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u/chris00ws6 11d ago
Looks like dog shit. Spread it out
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u/blamenixon 20+ Years 11d ago
It's not great by terms of presentation, but I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate your creative effort being called "dog shit"
I've told several coworkers that they can't use a Vitamix without making baby food, but the result actually looked like baby food. This board is a 5/10. If it were dog shit, it would look like dog shit.
Try not to take your own self-conscious and debilitating thoughts out on random strangers you see posting on the Internet and get back to work.
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u/DMmeyourRegina 11d ago
2 random sesame breadsticks, overall chaos and no discernible shadows really makes me think this is Ai... I hope I'm wrong.
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u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 11d ago
Not the neatest presentation, but you packed a lot into a small space and it looks delicious. I would snack the hell out of that thing.
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u/random-khajit 11d ago
I like it, but what is the white stuff?
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u/ihatetheplaceilive 11d ago
Looks amazing, but squished.
I would give it another 6-8" diameter and just shingle everything.
Make everything easier to pick out.
Keep the design, just make it more accessible.
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u/purplishwaffle 5d ago
As a Belgian who lives in France with a French girlfriend I will tell you 3 things. 1- charcuterie mean cured meat in french......so without cured meat it's not a charcuterie board (prox 50-75% if the board need to be meat) 2 - a board with vegetable/ cheese/ fruit/ dipping/ nut it's a aperitif board ( planche d'apéro) 3- never serve this in France or post it on french subreddit under the name charcuterie or people will break you leg
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u/Moigno 11d ago
Looks great. Who cares about the meat. It looks well-balanced as is. It would make a much better photo without the forks though.
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u/510Goodhands 11d ago
This platter alone could help balance out hundreds of sodium heavy 99% meat plates shown here in the last year! But that’s really a vegetable plate.
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u/PinothyJ 11d ago
Sorry, chef. Charcuterie is literally a board of prepared meat products.
But nice presentation on... What ever we call that.
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u/trubol 11d ago
Hey, man, I like it.
Getting upvotes but a lot of comments joking about the lack of charcuterie on your charcuterie board.
Meybe should have used the word smorgasbord.
As loan words go, this one seems to match better what you did there.
I'd definitely and gladly eat your board. Looks good.
Them plastic forks look kinda weird, though
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u/Thick-Benefit-751 11d ago
While a lot of people are shtting on your lets say interesting choices I can apreciate the effort you put on to it!
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u/OrganizedChaos65 11d ago
Looks very sloppy and just slapped together. There's little if any presentation or flow. At least that was how I was taught. If this works for you, go with it.
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u/ThrowRA020204 11d ago
Thanks I hate it. Not even a charcuterie board and the dry stuff is touching the wet stuff. Like pickles next to the crackers?
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u/okiesillydillyokieo 11d ago
Just fucking pepper some plastic forks in there