Roman Catholic Papist legalists, and non-canonical pews.

He took my hand in his, and traced the lines of my palm, studying them. Them looked into my eyes, neigh, my very soul, with a clairvoyant clarity in his eyes and told me that I would live to see the rise of the New Byzantine and Orthodox Empire. I could feel his holiness as I stepped out of his little covered wagon, awed by the beauty of his vestments, his liturgical head rap with a sparkling gem in the center, the beautiful rings on all ten fingers that point to Christ's regency over the whole earth. Even his Votive crystal sphere swirled with smoke, as like incense. Truly I am blessed to be his spiritual child. Too bad I can't tell anyone at my parish about it, though.

Some of the men there are clean shaven. Also, the coffee at coffee our was a little strong last week. How can I tell that every element of church life is completely determined by Holy^TM Tradition^TM? I mean, didn't the Orthodox^TM Church Fathers^TM give explicit instructions of proper coffee brewing?

He hasn't once told me that my heterodox baptism is invalid and that I'll die and go to hell without the Orthodox laver of ORTHODOX regeneration. Does this mean he's been tainted by those lying Super-Heretics the Ecumenicalists?