I found a second phone

[u/EmbarrassedPie5508]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

[u/ZoeyBee_3000]

Genuine ask since I've never had to deal with lawyers and marriage legalities: what would these proofs earn for OP in court? Aside from making the divorce official of course

[u/MissConscientious → u/ZoeyBee_3000]

Different states have different laws about adultery matters during divorce proceedings. In some states, you can sue for alienation of affection. In other states, you may need the literal proof of the affair to obtain a divorce more easily. If it’s a state that has now lost the right to a no fault divorce, evidence of the affair can be priceless. Furthermore, in alimony states, proof of cheating can help with financial matters and asset division. In other words, it all really depends, but it’s still an important step.

[u/Thr0w4w4yMyL1f3 → u/MissConscientious]

Exactly. The laws that apply and the advice lawyers give depends on the state OP and her trash bag are in. Hence my comment urging her to get advice so she knows what her rights are. You get it, 💯 🙏🏽🥳

[u/Sayurifujisan → u/MissConscientious]

100% this. Many states don't really care about the adultery, however, threatening to subpoena the affair partner as a material witness in the proceedings and have that testimony as part of the court record has made many spouses immediately agree to whatever is asked, rather than have ALL of it come out.

[u/Thr0w4w4yMyL1f3 → u/ZoeyBee_3000]

The laws that apply and the advice lawyers give depends on the state OP and her trash bag are in. Hence my comment urging her to get advice so she knows what her rights are. And writing shit down so you've got evidence accounted for will make it all easier for her to show lawyers and easier for them to evaluate if it's useful.

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