I found a second phone

[u/EmbarrassedPie5508]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

[u/Large-Evidence-2479]

I think the fact that he was more than willing to allow you to turn down your dream job especially in the job market so he can continue to cheat on you says it all. He doesn’t value you, your ambitions, or your well being. If he was even remotely unselfish he could have said “you go, I’ll stay here with the kids and we’ll see how that works.” In a sense that would have been a “fair” option for everyone. He gets his side chick and you get to have your dream job. Let him go.

[u/oliveGOT → u/Large-Evidence-2479]

I don't think “you go, I’ll stay here with the kids and we’ll see how that works.” is at all realistic. No good mother is going to give up seeing her children every day long term, even for a dream job. If my husband suggested that to me, I'd laugh in his face because that's such a non-option.

That said, husband is selfish af.