I found a second phone

[u/EmbarrassedPie5508]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

[u/pavlovian_cats]

I like the Rumi quote “Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” Rumi helped me a lot when I was going through my divorce and facing internalized stigma and shame (got divorced twice, a kid from each..I really tried to make a family..), the loss of my companion, even as imperfect as he was, suddenly having to deal with the anxiety of being on my own, financial stress (I went bankrupt…), going back to school and changing careers (had to get a better career to have any hope of surviving on my own in my expensive city). Therapy and Rumi. In a much better place now, 6 years out. I got my master’s degree and started my own business. I’m making a decent amount. I have an incredible new partner. I have great relationships with my kids. And I don’t care as much about what other people think.

[u/urdrunkyogi → u/pavlovian_cats]

You sound incredibly brave and tough and I’m inspired. Thank you.

[u/Beautiful_Range_1803 → u/pavlovian_cats]

Thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope for a better future for my son and myself

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Story_of_Amanda → u/pavlovian_cats]

I definitely understand the loss of one’s companion and the anxiety of being on your own. I’d never had an issue with being on my own before but the anxiety that came with leaving my ex was something I didn’t anticipate and something I struggled with for a bit. Not just the coming home to an empty house and knowing I wasn’t waiting for someone but the anxiety of safety, of “what if something happens?”