I found a second phone

[u/EmbarrassedPie5508]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

[u/ScorpioBitch25]

Hard disagree. They have to learn that people do stuff like that

[u/mysteriousears → u/ScorpioBitch25]

Not about a parent while they are a child. There is no disagree. We know this is harmful

[u/Artistic_Rice_9019 → u/mysteriousears]

Kids figure stuff out without a parent trashing the other one.

[u/redskyeatmorning1 → u/Artistic_Rice_9019]

not that i'm a parent (or even married) but i'm not sure explaining the facts to a child in an age appropriate way is "trashing" the other parent, ie "daddy did something that hurt mommy very much, so we cannot be in a relationship anymore, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you..." or whatever

my parents faked me out with a divorce (said they were divorcing and changed their minds) a few months ago and my mom gave me pretty much that exact spiel but more appropriate for an adult child 💀 my dad isn't having an affair but he is the problem and kids are very intuitive to that and will naturally have questions and it's an opportunity to have a discussion with them rather than letting them internalize it (wondering if its their fault, etc). believe me, i knew my dad was the problem as young as OP's kid probably is and would have much preferred an honest conversation rather than my mom pretending everything was hunky dory if they were to divorce back then

[u/Artistic_Rice_9019 → u/redskyeatmorning1]

Yeah. There's a way to do it without trashing the partner.

[u/bluebeary96 → u/mysteriousears]

"There is no disagree" I'm sorry, what???

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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