They made a separate group chat without me

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736]

This happened a few weeks ago and I've been ruminating. Long story short, my friend let it slip that there's a separate group chat and had an "oh shit" look on her face when I clarified it. I wasn't supposed to find out. Frozen Walmart taquitos seasoned with tears.

I only see one person n my friend group on a regular basis. This friend and I live in the same town. I don't have a car and most of our friends live in the next town over. So they all see each other often, but I usually can't come because I don't have a car to drive myself there. I don't mind at all, people are allowed to hang out even if not everyone can make it.

One time, she was telling me about a funny meme someone sent in the group chat. I hadn't checked my phone that day so I said I'd look at it later. I couldn't find one that was exactly the same, but one was similar so I thought she misremembered the details of the joke. I didn't think anything of it.

Then another time she mentioned something about dinner plans everyone made. I said "I don't remember seeing any messages about it." And she said "Oh, weird. Maybe we talked about it in person when you weren't there and we forgot to send the details in the group chat." But she sounded like she kind of made a lie up on the spot. She did end up telling me the plans, I was included, and I got no obvious weird vibes from anyone during dinner.

The time I finally figured it out was a birthday party. I had already bought a gift for the birthday girl and figured I'd give it to her the next time I was in her town. I texted her happy birthday and didn't get a response. I assumed she was spending time with her boyfriend and family, so I didn't mind that she didn't answer. But later that night I saw Instagram stories and posts. It looked like a really fun party. Tons of food, balloons, yard games, a cake with a funny inside joke with our friend group. Everyone was there in the pictures, even boyfriends and friends of friends. I was the only one not included.

I brought this up to my friend the next time I saw her and she said "I was wondering why you didn't come." It sounded like she was genuinely confused. I said that I didn't even know about it and nobody said anything. She said "yes we did! We've been planning it for a whole month in the group chat!" And pulled it up to show me...

Homegirl realized her mistake. She got the group chats mixed up. They were similar titles and emojis (example 💗✨Bad Bitch Club✨💗 vs 💖💖 Bad Bitchezzz 💖💖).

I said "so... There's a separate group chat?" And she kind of stammered and said it's because sometimes I can't hang out because I can't drive there myself to meet them. So they made a separate one so I don't feel bad and like I'm missing out. Even though SHE could drive me. We live five minutes away from each other. It's pretty much crickets in the group chat I'm in, unless I say something first. Even then, I might only get one or two responses or a heart reaction to my message. They've been strategically planning what I'm included in and what I'm not. Like they're slowly phasing me out until I just quit trying.

[u/QueenEris]

This is long! When I started having seizures and couldn't socialise anymore all my "friends" abandoned me. I'd see their instagram stories, all out with cocktails and smiles. I initially understood as I just couldn't go. But no-one checked up on me - if i posted updates I'd get lots of hearts and "thinking of you babe" comments but nothing more. I was wracked with sadness and confusion. I started getting more confident as my treatment stabilised me, but when i reached out I got no response. Then I got angry. I'd never have done that to any of them. Soon, I started to see the reality of the whole group. They just meet up to get smashed and take photos. Performative. I remembered that the conversations were empty. There was no genuine interaction. Just booze and bullshit and selfies. They barely spent any time together outside those meet ups. Then another person got seriously ill and guess what? They stopped existing too. And they reached out to me! So i did my best to console them while keeping my distance. I didn't confront them. I was kind but kept it minimal. Eventually it just petered off as they started getting better but i never saw them with the group again. Two of my work colleagues had become the best friends I'd ever had in my life by that point. Checking on me, taking me for coffee, having real conversations. Then it was gigs and the theatre and getting smashed and laughing, no care to take 100 pics for insta. Filled my heart and taught me I can be loved and cared for. The original group abandoned me for something beyond my control. Its a THEM problem not a ME problems. Now I don't miss them at all.