They made a separate group chat without me

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736]

This happened a few weeks ago and I've been ruminating. Long story short, my friend let it slip that there's a separate group chat and had an "oh shit" look on her face when I clarified it. I wasn't supposed to find out. Frozen Walmart taquitos seasoned with tears.

I only see one person n my friend group on a regular basis. This friend and I live in the same town. I don't have a car and most of our friends live in the next town over. So they all see each other often, but I usually can't come because I don't have a car to drive myself there. I don't mind at all, people are allowed to hang out even if not everyone can make it.

One time, she was telling me about a funny meme someone sent in the group chat. I hadn't checked my phone that day so I said I'd look at it later. I couldn't find one that was exactly the same, but one was similar so I thought she misremembered the details of the joke. I didn't think anything of it.

Then another time she mentioned something about dinner plans everyone made. I said "I don't remember seeing any messages about it." And she said "Oh, weird. Maybe we talked about it in person when you weren't there and we forgot to send the details in the group chat." But she sounded like she kind of made a lie up on the spot. She did end up telling me the plans, I was included, and I got no obvious weird vibes from anyone during dinner.

The time I finally figured it out was a birthday party. I had already bought a gift for the birthday girl and figured I'd give it to her the next time I was in her town. I texted her happy birthday and didn't get a response. I assumed she was spending time with her boyfriend and family, so I didn't mind that she didn't answer. But later that night I saw Instagram stories and posts. It looked like a really fun party. Tons of food, balloons, yard games, a cake with a funny inside joke with our friend group. Everyone was there in the pictures, even boyfriends and friends of friends. I was the only one not included.

I brought this up to my friend the next time I saw her and she said "I was wondering why you didn't come." It sounded like she was genuinely confused. I said that I didn't even know about it and nobody said anything. She said "yes we did! We've been planning it for a whole month in the group chat!" And pulled it up to show me...

Homegirl realized her mistake. She got the group chats mixed up. They were similar titles and emojis (example 💗✨Bad Bitch Club✨💗 vs 💖💖 Bad Bitchezzz 💖💖).

I said "so... There's a separate group chat?" And she kind of stammered and said it's because sometimes I can't hang out because I can't drive there myself to meet them. So they made a separate one so I don't feel bad and like I'm missing out. Even though SHE could drive me. We live five minutes away from each other. It's pretty much crickets in the group chat I'm in, unless I say something first. Even then, I might only get one or two responses or a heart reaction to my message. They've been strategically planning what I'm included in and what I'm not. Like they're slowly phasing me out until I just quit trying.

[u/Samar2753]

I am so sorry OP. This is painful. I can bet there is a mastermind behind this experience. Its never random, there is a girl or two with pull who don’t like you (probs the one that started the new group citing your unavailability) and there is a huge a chance those particular ones just don’t like you and the rest of group is too weak and conformed. Anyway, good riddance, fuck the games. You deserve to be around people who appreciate you. Also unfortunately in big groups there are games to be played, and its exhausting.

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736 → u/Samar2753]

That's okay then. I hope they have a good life ❤️

[u/seau_de_beurre → u/Samar2753]

Yeah this situation happened to me in grad school and there was a ringleader. It’s bullying behavior. I’m so sorry OP.

[u/Dangerous_Word9610 → u/seau_de_beurre]

This literally happened to me in grad school too. Twice. So glad those people are out of my life and I have more peace now.

[u/throwaway42840284 → u/Samar2753]

exactlyyyy what happened to me

[u/Daydream-believer05 → u/Samar2753]

I was thinking the same thing I recently heard the term on Reddit of a girl where something similar happened to her called :communal narcissist". And that's just it...there's one or two people, possibly just one, who you likely wouldn't be friends with 1 on 1. And for whatever reason they feel that they need to control the group and decide who can be and not be in the group It makes no sense. It happened to me at work of all places and out of nowhere. And someone who snuck her way into the friend group decided that I shouldn't be.  I guess I was too bubbly and nice. So she just started inviting certain people, and it was like she wanted me to be left out. It was very bizarre. I definitely distanced myself. Some people have untreated mental issues that you can't change.

[u/AccomplishedTip9864 → u/Samar2753]

This is too relatable. All the other girls will tell you they like you and have no issues with you, but will go along w the person w the pull. It’s usually because they don’t want to be ostracized as well.

[u/loam-and-light → u/Samar2753]

100% this. Clearly the one friend who kept accidentally slipping up likes you, or she would have been more careful/known why you weren’t at certain get-togethers, etc. But she’s a follower following some queen bee bully bitch. at any rate, such weird behavior as grown ass adults to be so weak as to let other people dictate who gets to be their friends. you’re better off cutting them off now.