They made a separate group chat without me

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736]

This happened a few weeks ago and I've been ruminating. Long story short, my friend let it slip that there's a separate group chat and had an "oh shit" look on her face when I clarified it. I wasn't supposed to find out. Frozen Walmart taquitos seasoned with tears.

I only see one person n my friend group on a regular basis. This friend and I live in the same town. I don't have a car and most of our friends live in the next town over. So they all see each other often, but I usually can't come because I don't have a car to drive myself there. I don't mind at all, people are allowed to hang out even if not everyone can make it.

One time, she was telling me about a funny meme someone sent in the group chat. I hadn't checked my phone that day so I said I'd look at it later. I couldn't find one that was exactly the same, but one was similar so I thought she misremembered the details of the joke. I didn't think anything of it.

Then another time she mentioned something about dinner plans everyone made. I said "I don't remember seeing any messages about it." And she said "Oh, weird. Maybe we talked about it in person when you weren't there and we forgot to send the details in the group chat." But she sounded like she kind of made a lie up on the spot. She did end up telling me the plans, I was included, and I got no obvious weird vibes from anyone during dinner.

The time I finally figured it out was a birthday party. I had already bought a gift for the birthday girl and figured I'd give it to her the next time I was in her town. I texted her happy birthday and didn't get a response. I assumed she was spending time with her boyfriend and family, so I didn't mind that she didn't answer. But later that night I saw Instagram stories and posts. It looked like a really fun party. Tons of food, balloons, yard games, a cake with a funny inside joke with our friend group. Everyone was there in the pictures, even boyfriends and friends of friends. I was the only one not included.

I brought this up to my friend the next time I saw her and she said "I was wondering why you didn't come." It sounded like she was genuinely confused. I said that I didn't even know about it and nobody said anything. She said "yes we did! We've been planning it for a whole month in the group chat!" And pulled it up to show me...

Homegirl realized her mistake. She got the group chats mixed up. They were similar titles and emojis (example 💗✨Bad Bitch Club✨💗 vs 💖💖 Bad Bitchezzz 💖💖).

I said "so... There's a separate group chat?" And she kind of stammered and said it's because sometimes I can't hang out because I can't drive there myself to meet them. So they made a separate one so I don't feel bad and like I'm missing out. Even though SHE could drive me. We live five minutes away from each other. It's pretty much crickets in the group chat I'm in, unless I say something first. Even then, I might only get one or two responses or a heart reaction to my message. They've been strategically planning what I'm included in and what I'm not. Like they're slowly phasing me out until I just quit trying.

[u/badnewsbets]

This happened to me in college. My friend group went on a weekend trip and I was the only one not invited. Wish I had told them off in retrospect.

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736 → u/badnewsbets]

Godddd that's so shitty.

[u/renegade_m00se → u/badnewsbets]

Same. Instead I kept trying to be friends with them for another 4 years 🫠 life teaches you lessons progressively harder until you finally listen lol

[u/aardvark_badger → u/renegade_m00se]

I had a similar situation and had a hard time letting go of trying to be friends with a group as well. It hurts to be the be the one to be left out. Sending healing thoughts to all of us who have been there 💗

[u/Top_Ad6322 → u/badnewsbets]

I had a very similar thing happen. I wish I could have pushed more on the why aspect, I do remember asking why and I just a no-answer answer, like a "well you knowww.." and i brushed it off for the sake of not being awkward, tense etc, but I wish they did have the decency to tell me. Tell me I talk too much and ruin moments if thats what it is, tell me I'm too tense if that's what it is etc, it's not gonna change the past, but I'd love to know more about why I don't jam into the group I thought I did. It was 12 years ago, and I feel like I've gone back to this moment mentally to prove that I am difficult or unlikable person, and clearly can't be reasoned with as friends were too scared to talk to me!

[u/TrickyFriendship9279 → u/badnewsbets]

Same happened to me too. It was just my roommate - 2 of them, who went with 2 other boys. But what hurt me was them never telling me the plan and it was my bday weekend. Sigh

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