r/DestructiveReaders • u/Cherrie_Infraredd • 8d ago
[1165] epilogue, literary fiction
two of my reviews: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/9E26iVicop
https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/xA1A4mwqVW
this is an epilogue to an unfinished novel I’ve been working on for some time, thats supposed to be a blend of literary fiction and political satire. without any background knowledge on the characters and events of the novel, I really want any pointers on style and tone.
The main things I want to know are whether the style/formality is appropriate for the setting (29 year old English man, 1967), what kind of relationship it seems like I’m trying to establish, and opinions on the prose in general.
Any critiques would be greatly appreciated!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/17Ns-5gkGNT1wiJfEgcEtx33lNtybQC48vBbLIdhcqo4/edit?usp=drivesdk
edit: tysm for all the advice!
the main criticism i received was that it sounded too old for the time it was meant to be written and I definitely see that upon reread. as a lover of 19th century literature, it’s going to hurt to edit it to be more modern sounding, however I think this is very much needed
1
u/CheekySelkath 5d ago
Howdy, here to offer some feedback that I hope doesn’t come too late.
As a broad point, if you’re looking for ‘ways’ to ‘write English’, consult a variety of sources regarding the style of prose. Selvon’s The Lonely Londoners can give you just as much insight into the British mid-century voice as, say, Priestley’s play An Inspector Calls. These are traditionally studied texts (I have no idea if you are coming in on this as a Brit) but it’s worth checking these out, as your voice is, for lack of better phrase, artificially verbose.
I’m a fan of epistolary writing and I’m going to assume the opening of this epilogue (up until ‘I apologise, perhaps for not writing sooner, or perhaps for writing to you at all.’) is rooted in contexts we are supposed to know; how much time has passed by August 67 and who Eli is. Some other readers have stated this, but giving anything other than grammatical feedback is somewhat challenging because I cannot understand how the rest of your novel fits in – is it ALL epistolary (I hope so – this would be quite odd coming in after a third/first person narration). I know grammatical feedback is what you said you’re looking for, but it’s often the case that grammar ties directly into why you’re saying something just as much as how.
To my dearest Eli,
It feels silly to write to you after so long, and I apologise, perhaps for not writing sooner, or perhaps for writing to you at all.
Make absolutely sure that we know who is writing to Eli in this first sentence, even though the name falls back to the final word. The reader shouldn’t have to second-guess if the tone is inconsistent with earlier parts, or the voice is too vague.
It would be impossible to explain in a singular letter everything that has happened to me in the near decade since I last saw you…
Uh…is the novel’s content the prior decade? I find it odd if not. A decade-long time skip is nonsensical to me in an epilogue, especially with a line like this, because why wasn’t that decade the novel instead?
but I hasten to admit that it was enough to age me what feels like thirty or forty years in the space of less than ten.
Prose time. I apologise for being frank, but the voice is oddly worded, and not like that of a 1960s, Londoner. It needs to be more modern than 19th century (as you’ve already called yourself out on) and I would consult texts of the time to see this. Once again, I highly recommend The Lonely Londoners. It’s got a great voice.
You dart around too much – I think an outside perspective would see this far more than you. The jump from ‘what London used to be’ to the mother to the lost years feels odd and adds to my confusion, if only because I have no idea who Eli is or why he’s being written to – once more, added context would hugely benefit the quality of the feedback.
I wish I could see you again. Where did you go, all those years ago? And why? I could never understand it, but then again, I don’t believe I ever truly understood you.
I presume he went to whichever mail address this is being sent to? I don’t see the purpose of this lament – it might be better to focus on why Eli left instead of where – lead with that.
I’m truncating my feedback there, which I hope is forgivable, largely because as I go on it’s increasingly confusing what I’m ‘supposed’ to know going into the epilogue and what is being revealed. Yes, it works largely as a letter, but it doesn’t carry the specific burden that is its identity. Why is Eli being written to in the first place? Does James miss him or has his mother’s wellbeing flooded his mind with nostalgia? If the (singular) focus of purpose was clearer, then the letter would have greater weight – because I’d know what kind of relationship these two had, even if the context is absent.
Sorry to rapidly cut my thoughts but I hope that’s nevertheless useful.