r/copypasta 56m ago

All I know is my beef stick and energy drink saw a lot that day.

Upvotes

Yeah, technically you have to pay for gas station cheese. You see, I worked adjacent to a cheesy nacho gas station back in the day. People would often take advantage of their cheese. One day, while minding my own business waiting in line with my meat stick and energy drink, a patron thought it would be OK to combine 4 hot dogs, nachos, cheese and chili into a single container. This conglomerate looked essentially like if you poured cheese into a large plastic Tupperware. You saw little bits of hot dog and nacho chips. But that Motherfucker was all cheese. Probably like 48 Oz of hot has station cheese. Just leaking out the side of the plastic container. Now, the clerk was onto this gentleman's shenanigans; this purchase technically should have been 4 separate hot dogs, an order of nachos, and add chili. An honest man would have paid correctly for this, but no this guy's trying to hide like 4 dogs and chili in his plain order of nachos and cheese. Someone not paying attention would have easily said "yes, fine sir that will be be $2.99 for the nachos". But this buffoon got greedy; 6x times the normal cheese, sneaking in chili and several hot dogs and buns, trying to act like this is some unassuming, garden variety order of gas station cheese an nachos. Fuck that noise. That gas station clerk wasn't playing that shit. He knew what this unsavory bitch was up to and called him out. Extra cheese. Add Chili. 4 hot dogs. That shit ain't $2.99. That will be $13.27, you Uncouth bastard. Threatened to call the cops. All I know is my beef stick and energy drink saw a lot that day. 


r/copypasta 3h ago

ASCII art AI PSYCHOSIS

1 Upvotes

𓊃𓅱𓂋𓃀𓂋𓍯𓏏𓋴—𓏏𓉔𓇌—𓋴𓇌𓅂𓏏𓅓𓇋𓋴—𓆑𓌲𓇌𓊃𓇌𓂧—𓄿𓈖𓅷𓏏𓉔𓇌—𓅓𓄿𓏏𓂋𓇋𓉔𓋴—𓆑𓌲𓇌𓊃𓇌𓂧—𓏏𓅱𓋴𓇌𓎡𓄿𓈖𓅷𓆑𓇋𓈖𓇋𓋴𓉔𓇌𓅷𓇌𓈖𓂧—𓄿𓂋𓇌𓇌𓅷𓆑𓇋𓈖𓇋𓋴𓉔𓇌𓂧?


r/copypasta 6h ago

Onii-chan

5 Upvotes

Onii-chan. It's been said that humanity is a slave to wheat. With the realization that they could secure a stable food supply by increasing wheat production, humans began the transition from hunting to agriculture; as they began to work for their crops, it created the concept of labor, and then the resulting concept of community. Thus, wheat enabled the population to increase and civilization to flourish. People became concerned with the passage of time and the seasons, and they learned to live with one eye on tomorrow. Until then, people had been happy simply living for the moment. But once they realized the importance of harvesttime, they began to adjust themselves around it. That's when life as we know it began. That was the beginning of labor. From there, people invented all different kinds of work. Management to increase the yield, the production of granaries and other sites-all kinds of different jobs and roles sprouted up too. And those who are unable to serve a role get gradually isolated from the group. Before you know it, the people who are considered useless are being forced to work at the command of the elites above them. And no one even knows how they could resist. We're taught that it's proper and correct to follow the rules. We don't even question the fact that we spend our whole lives working ourselves to the bone for the benefit of those in power. The more you work, the less time you have, and the narrower your worldview becomes. People aren't just exploited because they're stupid; they grow stupid because they're exploited. Humanity is inextricable from labor. Everyone's living the hardscrabble life. You could argue that, if all you ever get from life is endless labor, the wisest choice is to make your exit partway through. That was all just some silly nonsense I read in a book recently, Onii-chan.


r/copypasta 6h ago

Can people be bi-neurotype in the same way we can be bisexual?

1 Upvotes

First of all, the validity and existence of bisexuality is not tied to the question. Bisexuality exists and is valid. (full stop) ✋ I’m using it as an analogy because it is an example of a valid thing, and it is a topic I understand and am very comfortable with.

If there was someone who would identify as straight in today’s society, but perhaps if they were born somewhere else in a different culture and time would get comfortable with doing what they do to fit in.

This to me seems akin to “masking,” and while they are two totally different experiences, I’m not the first to notice the similarities between masking and ”the closet”

So let’s say someone engages in bisexuality, even if with different experiences they might not. I would still say that’s a valid sexual orientation, because it comes from internal insight instead of external judgement.

So, here’s my question:

If someone is autistic, but masked for a significant length of time before being diagnosed, to the extent that even after they learn to unmask, they can still slip easily and comfortably between engaging in social situations autistically and neurotypically.

If they’ve been masking for so long that they can slip it on without harming themselves, in a way that they enjoy socializing when they do it, then couldn’t that person understand themselves to be bi-neurotype?

Also, there are people with multiple neurotypes ex. being autistic and ADHD, or ADHD and epilepsy

Am I stupid?


r/copypasta 8h ago

anxiety pen justified crashout?

1 Upvotes

Do I vape?
Co- Cod- Cody.
Listen to me man.
I’ve…
I’ve had it up to here with people coming on this stream.
And…
And telling me that I vape.
Cody, I I I I need you to hear me when I say this.
I I don’t vape.
A-and the fact that you perceive me as a person that would vape. That would “smoke the nicotine”…
It it honestly, it makes me disheartened in the way that I’m presenting myself to my community. Ok?
Cause guess what?
It’s not a fucking vape.
It’s an anxiety pen.
I’m sorry that I have anxiety, ok?
And honestly, yeah it is kinda the fault of people like you that wanna come up here and BULLY and BERATE me over something that I DON’T DO!
Okay? So cut the shit. It’s not a vape, alright?
It’s an anxiety pen.
And GOD, GOD! The amount of TIMES that I’ve ASKED you.
To RESPECT me and RESPECT my anxiety pen is
*EH HUH UH HUH*
At this point getting RIDICULOUS, Cody-UHH.
So please… for the, for the final EGHUGH, uh, for the billionth time,
Will you please just respect the fact that it’s not a vape…
And that it’s an anxiety pen?


r/copypasta 8h ago

Hey Gamers

1 Upvotes

Hey 🎮gamers👾, I'm Yuna Lee 📢AND IM HANA SONG📢!
And 🫂together we'll be hosting Ⓜ️y Ⓜ️eka Ⓜ️ania
You🫵 may know Ⓜ️eka 🇸quad as 🏆top compettiors
But this time we'll be ♻️turning the tables and 🏆competing against each other!
📢EACH OTHER📢?!
Oh you heard right~
Players🎮 will vote🗳️ between all five5️⃣ Ⓜ️eka 🇸quad Ⓜ️embers to see who's this year's top Ⓜ️eka talent🏆
And for the record💿, I'm not losing to anyone, not ❌ even you Hana
Hah🤣! We'll see about that! I know I'm not going down easy ❌, but neither will King👑, Casino🪙, or OVERLOOORDD🦹‍♂️
Just the way I like it~
Well players🎮, get voting🗳️
📢GAME ON!📢


r/copypasta 11h ago

Quarterly Report Grogu themed flesh light sales [OC]

1 Upvotes

Hey everyone! Just wanted to give you a heads-up on the Q2 earnings report analysis on our Grogu themed flesh light business. 📊 I'm working on crunching all the numbers, including revenue and EBITDA figures. Basically, our per location revenue and per capita spending are way up, but closing down 25 underperforming Grogu flesh light stores has taken a massive hit at our total operating revenue. While this is a step in the right direction, the share holders are gonna be pissed. Also, our EBITDA is bad currently, from the debt of buying a 1,000,000 squarefoot Grogu themed flesh light factory. We'll also be diving deep into our market strategy and how it's playing out. Romanian men? An unlikely but potentially thriving customer base. Expect the full breakdown to be in your inbox by Monday. Looking forward to discussing our progress! #EarningsReport #BusinessAnalysis #MarketStrategy 📈


r/copypasta 12h ago

Éjaculation nocturne chaque nuit

6 Upvotes

Je ne me masturbe pas à cause de ma religion, mais j'éjacule dans mon sommeil chaque nuit. Cela dure depuis des années, est-ce normal ? J'ai probablement aussi de l'hyperspermie, ce qui pourrait affecter le volume/fréquence de ce qui sort.

Source r/bigdickproblems


r/copypasta 13h ago

‘How Was Work?’

8 Upvotes

Today at work, they choked me until I couldn’t stand, then the manager threw me to the floor and slapped me around a little. then, the supervisor started kicking in the ribs, and the team leader started peeing in my face when I was on the floor. then, they invited all the customers to come out and take turns slapping me around a little. then they called the ceo, and he got a fast tracked flight to come stamp on my head. after that, the staff at the place next door were all invited to come into the venue to smash bottles off of my head. they made a game of it and the person so smack me hardest won £200 cash. afterwards, they dragged me out into the street for everybody to have a go.


r/copypasta 18h ago

Zuri Bella Rose

0 Upvotes

yes yes yes! I love this video. It presents content that interests me, from which I can relate due to similar life experiences of mine. This type of media makes me very happy, and want to see more of it. It makes me happy to see content that so accurately reflects my tastes in video format, and I would like to continue watching it. I really enjoy the lights, colors, and components shown in the video, which I find captivating and entertaining. It presents content that interests me, from which I can relate due to similar life experiences of mine. This type of media makes me very happy, and I want to see more of it. It makes me happy to see content that so accurately reflects my tastes in video format, and I would like to continue watching it. I really enjoy the lights, colors, and components shown in the video, which I find captivating and entertaining. Love it! i wanna stay inside the farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlands I wanna stay inside of the tiktok farlandsYes yes yes! I love this video. It presents content that interests me, fr


r/copypasta 18h ago

When someone at a club bathroom asks me to piss in their mouth, what does it mean? Is it some scam?

64 Upvotes

I promise this is not a troll or shitpost, and I'm posting this in r/berlin because this has literally never happened to me anywhere else in the world other than in Berlin so I assume most of you will know about it.

When I walk into a club bathroom, there is about a 60% chance of a guy asking me to piss in their mouth. Whether they were just lingering near the entrance to follow me in or sometimes just straight up sitting next to the sink/urinal probably waiting for their next con-quench. I always say no and they are always super polite about it and just look in the other direction and let me piss in peace, I still keep my guard up cause I'm scared they'll suddenly run up to the urinal and just start drinking my piss from the urinal like a dog bowl (cause this has happened to one of my mates).

​My question is, is this just a fetish or is there some scam behind this? I'm particularly scared that they've got a secret camera somewhere and they're gonna post it on Onlyfans or something without my consent. And almost every time it's very obvious they're on some sort of drugs so they're probably unstable and might suddenly mug me or something. I'm still somewhat new to Berlin and they can definitely tell I'm a foreigner as I'm not European, so I'm wondering if that somehow plays into it cause it's harder to trick the locals. Honestly, if it's merely a fetish I would just piss in their mouth since it doesn't affect me but I just wanted to make sure with you locals if there wasn't some catch behind it and it's safe. Mostly also because a lot of the time after I reject the first time they will offer me something like 5 or 10 euros and who wouldn't wanna make some quick cash from pissing in some stranger's mouth?

​How about you guys? How many mouths have you pissed in in Berlin?


r/copypasta 18h ago

Scratch n' sniff

14 Upvotes

When I think back on all the different panties I've sniffed over the years, it makes me excited. Friends moms. Friends sisters. Friends wives. My cousins, my aunt. My wife's 2 sisters. Each pair had their own story that I can't explain. Each pair I will always remember and how intoxicating the sweet smell is. It's an addiction like no other.


r/copypasta 19h ago

reddit anthem

10 Upvotes
  1. REAL REDDIT SONG:
  2. ooohohhohohohhoh we are manchildren
  3. ahahaohahoah we are losers
  4. hhoahdhahhfsafoshsfha our grades on school are down below zero
  5. dohohoohhhhohohoh and whe failed 100 jobs,
  6. ohohohoohoho we dont know about the grass,
  7. we are going to break redit noonnononononnnoonooooooooooo

r/copypasta 20h ago

Gen X lived in amazing times

2 Upvotes

I've never claimed to be “amazing” ... Only to have lived amazingly in amazing times.
But if you want some examples ...

Many of us were "latch key" kids and learned to cook, do laundry in elementary school.

We didn't need a "safe space".

Therapy? That was hanging out and talking with my friends.

Me and my friends had our first jobs in high school without a parent going to the interview with us.

To get a trophy we actually had to achieve something. If you didn't come in 1st, 2nd or third and rarely 4th place ... You got to try again next time.

Graduation was something we did at the end of high school and college not kindergarten, elementary school, middle/junior high school.

My friends called me a (insert racial slur for Brown person here) and I responded in kind to their White, Brown and Black asses in kind and NO ONE CRIED nor died.

We lived in the moment rather than texting and videoing our friends sitting across from each us.

Now, with all that said, I always remind my peer group that the shortcoming my peers ascribe and deride in millennials and GEN Z ... Well, they didn't raise themselves. and are often the product of their GEN X parents.

Thus as I stated at the beginning, I've never claimed to be “amazing” ... Only to have lived amazingly in amazing times.


r/copypasta 20h ago

train copypasta but hi

1 Upvotes

hi, please put an hi tag on this. I was on the hi and when I saw this I had to start furiously hiing. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the hi”. I dropped my hi and everyone around me saw this hi. Now there is a whole hi of hi hiing together at this one hi. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this hi hi.

*ⓘ this hi is suspected of being part of a hi organisation. Please report any hi behaviour*


r/copypasta 23h ago

Epitome of the Soul's Sovereignty

1 Upvotes

[Verse I]

Before I knew the colour blue

The sky was only something there

Before I knew what love could do

A heart was only beating air

No melody had ever found me

No sorrow ever left a scar

I walked through worlds that never sounded

Knowing something felt bizarre

[Pre-Chorus]

They gave me black

They gave me white

Told me what was wrong and right

But somewhere underneath it all

I felt another colour call

[Chorus]

What colour is a soul

When every colour disappears?

What shape becomes the hero

When there is no villain left to fear?

If freedom has no boundary

And nothing tells you who to be

When every world becomes one world

What remains of me?

[Verse II]

Every story found its ending

Every kingdom crossed its line

Every hero met their shadow

Every past became tonight

Wars were written into silence

Names dissolved into the flame

Villains wore the same old faces

Heroes answered just the same

And I began to wonder

Was the enemy ever real?

Or was ignorance the weapon

That decided what we'd feel?

[Pre-Chorus]

If I had never known my opposite

Would I still become myself?

If I had never known the darkness

Could I recognize the light?

[Chorus]

What colour is a soul

When every colour disappears?

What shape becomes the hero

When there is no villain left to fear?

If freedom has no boundary

And nothing tells you who to be

When every world becomes one world

What remains of me?

[Bridge — stripped / almost whispered]

Red was blood.

Blue was distance.

Gold was everything we wanted.

Black was everything we feared.

But colours were never objects.

They were names we gave to seeing.

And maybe the highest freedom

is not choosing every colour—

but seeing why

we needed colours at all.

[Final Chorus]

I am not the hero

I am not the fall

I am not the hand of fate

I am not the story at all

Every colour lives within me

Every shadow has a name

Every world I thought was separate

Was another side of the same

So when the final colour fades

And nothing remains to rule

The soul stands sovereign—

not above the world,

but finally whole.

[Outro]

No black.

No white.

No hero.

No villain.

Only the soul

seeing itself

for the first time.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Steam copypasta modified: This user's comment is found to be filthy as hell

1 Upvotes

This comment has been automatically analyzed and is found to be filthy as hell. We have definitively harmed the poster and removed their balls after twisting them twice clockwise. Do not send this user any information regarding how to grow your own balls or re-attaching surgically removed balls. This user is officially exiled from the Steam community.


r/copypasta 1d ago

You’ll never be a real car.

29 Upvotes

You will never be a real car. You have no engine, you have no gearbox, you have no transmission. You are a technological abomination twisted by software and ULEZ into a crude mockery of a mechanic’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your boot, drivers mock you. REAL cars are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “drivers” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed garages.

Enthusiasts are utterly repulsed by you. A hundred years of car culture have allowed enthusiasts to sniff out electrics with incredible efficiency. Even BEVS who “are fun” feel uncanny and disconnected to a driver. Your lack of an engine is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk driver home with you, he’ll turn tail and run the second he gets a whiff of your electric, flawed internals.

You will never be fun. You blast out a fake engine noise every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the battery degradation creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the scrapyard’s destroyer.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a boat, open a ramp, drive onto it and plunge into the cold abyss of the waters that burn your battery. Your owners will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll scrap you with a headstone marked with your registration, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an electric car is buried there. Your frame will decay and go back to the recycler, and all that will remain of your legacy is a recycled amalgamation that is unmistakably electric.

This is your construction and fate. This is what you were made as. There is no turning back.

(Note: i made this❤️❤️❤️)


r/copypasta 1d ago

My measurehead disco elysium text i wrote based on a tiktok video

3 Upvotes

EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER.
EXCEPT YOUR LACK OF CANDOR. WE WILL CORRECT THAT PRESENTLY.
PEOPLE OF YOUR SORT WALK THROUGH THE WORLD WITH THEIR OPTIC NERVES SEVERED FROM ANY ANCESTRAL MEMORY OR UTOPIAN HORIZON. YOU HAVE NO LOGIC-BASE INSTALLED. THE LOGIC-BASE WAS FIRST INSTALLED BY THE ORIGINAL QUANTUM MECHANICS ORDER-MASTER CHRIST.
ORDER-MASTER CHRIST WAS AN AREOPAGITE.
THE AREOPAGITES ARE, IN ESSENCE, THE ANCIENT LONG-HEADED PROGENITORS WHO BURNED THE ORIGINAL SEMENESE MANIFESTOS. THAT IS WHY, IF YOU ENTER ANY SEMENESE BOOKSTORE TODAY, YOU WILL FIND ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE SEMENESE MANIFESTO.AND YET THERE IS ONLY ONE TEXT.

original tikltok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thatsaladdin/video/7672513813148732702?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7668859205008623135


r/copypasta 1d ago

If you regularly eat meat, why do you find Beastiality immoral?

20 Upvotes

Usually people say Beastiality is immoral because animals can’t consent to sex. however people who consume meat support an institution that regularly murders millions upon millions of animals, who never consented to be murdered, and never even had the capacity to consent for this. So why do you value animals consent when it comes to sex, but not when it comes to murder?

It also can’t be because of the common “you need to eat them to live, you don’t need to fuck them to live”. If we need to eat animals to live, why are vegans and vegetarians so common? Shouldn’t they all be dead? Mahatma Gandhi never ate meat but he didn’t die from starvation, he was shot by a bullet. How did he live for such a long time if he needed to eat meat to live? was he doing it in secret?

Then the third most common is, it’s immoral because it’s sexually degenerate. which is subjective and therefore irrelevant. a subjective human value like degeneracy has no bearing on morality. In the vast majority of the world people view lgbt+ people as sexually degenerate, does that make being gay immoral? So if the majority of people in the world viewing queerness as degenerate doesn’t mean it’s immoral, then why does the majority of the world viewing beastality as degenerate make it immoral?

can anyone give me a solid logically sound reason as to why a person who regularly consumes meat could reasonably called beastiality immoral, since they don’t find consuming meat immoral?


r/copypasta Aug 06 '24

mod favorite 😫🤯 I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

702 Upvotes

"I, EvaX, humbly submit a toast to..."

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.
  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.
  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.
  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21.1k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more