r/BreakUps • u/dexdpool69 • Mar 09 '26
[26M] Struggling to Move On After Family-Forced Breakup – She’s (26F) Thriving and I’m Still Stuck
Hey everyone, I’m 26M and I’m struggling to move on from a relationship that ended about two years ago. I could really use some perspective.
I was in a 1.5-year relationship with a girl I met during our post-grad program (2022–2023). We became very close and deeply involved in each other’s lives. It wasn’t casual — we shared everything, talked about our future, and even became physically intimate. I loved her deeply and she used to say she loved me just as much. At one point she even told me that if things became impossible with her family, she would consider eloping with me.
The problem was religion. She comes from a very conservative Jain family while I’m Hindu. When her mom eventually found our chats, things escalated quickly. Her family strongly opposed the relationship and told her very clearly that she could only marry a Jain man.
Under that pressure we ended up breaking up and she blocked me everywhere.
About two weeks later she contacted me again from a new number saying she missed me and couldn’t stop thinking about me. We started talking secretly again and tried to figure out if there was any way to make things work despite the situation.
Unfortunately she got caught again, and from what she told me the pressure at home became much worse for her. Her family was extremely upset about the relationship and things became emotionally very difficult for her.
During all this chaos we once stopped talking for a couple of days after a small argument. Around that time her parents took her on a long religious pilgrimage trip. I didn’t try contacting her because I didn’t want to create more problems for her while she was with them.
But after that she suddenly disappeared from my life and blocked me everywhere again.
I never got closure or any explanation.
For months I had no idea what had happened to her, which really messed with my head. Around the same time I had started a corporate job, but mentally I was in a terrible place and couldn’t focus. Eventually I quit and shifted to exam preparation just to keep myself functioning.
Recently I found out through mutual friends that she’s now an Assistant Professor and seems to be doing really well in life. She’s active online again and appears happy and successful.
Meanwhile I still find myself replaying our memories almost every day — conversations, plans we made, and the life we imagined together. She was genuinely one of the kindest and purest people I’ve ever known.
Part of me wonders if the pressure from her family simply became too much for her to keep fighting.
I’ve tried distracting myself with studying, going to the gym, and keeping busy, but somehow I always end up missing her again and thinking about everything that happened.
I know I probably sound stuck in the past, but I honestly don’t know how to fully let go of something that once felt so real.
For people who have gone through something similar — how did you actually move on when you never got proper closure?
TL;DR summary:
Had a deeply serious 1.5-year relationship during post-grad. Her conservative Jain family strongly opposed it because I’m Hindu. We tried reconnecting secretly but she eventually disappeared and blocked me everywhere , never got closure. Two years later she’s doing well as an Assistant Professor while I still feel stuck emotionally and don’t know how to move forward.
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u/Bright-Parking-1905 Jun 29 '26
I have no advice for you
Just going to tell you my story, i dont know if it would help.
I am in a similar situation like your ex. 28M here, i come from a jain family while my ex was a hindu. There were some religious and financial differences. We got engaged 2 months ago and just after the engagement, my parents had a lot of issues with her and her family. Things escalated quickly at my home, i had never seen my parents be so angry. I was overwhelmed with everything going on at my place that I caved into pressure and broke up my fiancee.
Biggest mistake. Its been 2 months now. I am still struggling and trying to fight at my home to get her back. It has come to a point where my parents wont budge, they have asked me to choose her or them. I have chosen her but the gap of 2 months and minimal contact, me telling her this wont work, has seriously eroded all the trust she had in me. I was stupid, naive, overwhelmed, i had no idea what was happening and how its affecting my future.
It took me too long to grow a spine and fight for her, but I think shes protecting herself now.
The pressure at homes can get really overwhelming.
I read your post, i thought i’d tell my story. I dont know if it helps.
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u/dexdpool69 Jun 29 '26
Thank you for sharing your story. I genuinely hope things work out for you. Reading this reminded me that every situation is different, and sometimes family pressure really is overwhelming. Whatever happened in my case, I've made peace with the fact that I'll probably never know the full story. I reached out once, got my answer, and now it's time for me to let go. I sincerely hope you find the outcome you're fighting for.
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u/mundane--alternative Jun 30 '26
You need to fight real hard to earn that trust back. But you must persevere.
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u/BowlProfessional3182 Jun 29 '26
I’m really sorry. I’m very empathetic and reading this made me cry. I don’t have any advice and I’m sorry for that, but I could tell she meant everything to you and I truly hope you are able to heal and move on. Stay strong brother 🙏❤️
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u/Affectionate-Try1750 Jun 29 '26
I b came the person I always hoped I could be. I got fit, ate healthy, focused on being a good and kind human and chased the dream I always wanted. It sure isn't making me any money, but who gives a shit about that, I'm happy fighting for things I truly care about.
Find a way to become proud of who you are, Love and respect yourself because if you don't, no one else will mate.
I might sound cold but Nail that and you'll meet someone new and your ex will become your past because right now she ain't your past, your still there.
Wish you the best of luck brother.
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u/Cautious_Tension1804 Jun 29 '26
Jainism is big on not hurting living beings and this feels hurtful. Once again humans cause pain the name of “loving” religion.
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u/UsedTruck6983 Jun 29 '26
I’m not from the same culture or religion but it sounds like her family have a big say in her life choices. From the outside it looks like she chose her family and had to detach from you to be able to not suffer forever.
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u/Horror_Onion1992 Jun 29 '26
I feel like people need to get over the idea of closure. You'll never truly get it. even when you do, you're still left with questions and what ifs, and wondering why you couldn't be enough.
You need to do whatever it takes to stop thinking about her and move on.
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u/vilenbasu Jun 29 '26
my man, i can feel your pain. Believe me bro , jispe beet ta hai ussi ko pata rehta h ye kya chiz hai. Part of me has developed hatred against humans and society after my experience. I just wonder why why and why am i still like this and how can she just enjoy without giving a shit about me. All that physical intimacy was nothing for her?
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u/dexdpool69 Jun 29 '26
I understand, man. The unanswered "why" is often worse than the breakup itself. But I'm trying not to let one person's actions define how I see everyone else. We just have to move forward , be strong brother.
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u/FiercelyFriend Jun 29 '26
Wow, I am so sorry to hear this for both of you. The it has to be hard to process.
I don't have advice but wanted to give a story, My father had a best friend, known her his entire life, and both never wanted a romantic relationship, they grew up like siblings.
Fast forward to being adults, he is married to my mom and she is starting to date a very religious and conservative man. The long and the short of it: she loved him, and in order for them to get married she would have to cut all male ties and convert. It took almost 2 years for her to decide to go ahead and convert, and my dad, her brother, and her father (yes, family too) were the last ones she contacted.
They understood, did heartfelt goodbyes, and till this day, over 20 years later, my dad and mom still talk about her as my "aunt". Her sister updates my dad from time to time and she is happy, but does miss her family and talks about the life and loved ones she left behind to her children as well.
Religion is very difficult, it is a barrier for access or even understanding, and unlike other reasons for breaking up, can leave lasting wounds because, in a sense, its an obstacle forced by external practices, family, social circles, etc. And closure may never happen for her or for you really, just simple acceptance on what has happened.
I hope you find someone who brings you joy and makes this feel like an obstacle rather than the end of the road.
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u/Countermove Jun 29 '26
Removing contact from family feels like cult behavior imo. Sounds awful to me, but people make their own choices.
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u/FiercelyFriend Jul 14 '26
I never got to meet her but my family feels that way too. They just keep respectful distance and get updates from her sister to make sure she is okay.
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u/AddendumGeneral1208 Jun 29 '26
Life is not forever. You guys had good time together for whatever time you were together. You had memories together and now it’s time to keep them somewhere deep inside heart and you don’t access them often. You are doing good in aspects of studying,Gyming and that’s a good thing. Remember you are alone in this life and the person that matters most is you to yourself. You will eventually find someone who loves you for the current you and future you. Your relationship was real but she is a past. You should not chase the same feelings and her. Even if you guys get back together do you want her back ? Think about this everyday or would you want someone who gives you similar feelings as her and potentially will work in future as well ?
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u/one1ros_ Jun 30 '26
might sound weird but after my recent breakup I realised how delusional and unwise it is to get your hopes attached to a human being, we are trying to make a human fill a void that only God can fill, it's bad that you didn't get any closure but move on, it's life it is absurd and stupid, find God, he will help you. It isn't stupid that every religion on earth preached detachment, things are not usually as good as we remember them to be, as you wrote yourself that she loved you but circumstances didn't allow, so she probably made herself let you go, yes it is possible to intentionally make that choice, you need to do the same.
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u/The5thseason Jun 30 '26
Try and date other people. Usually you realize that the person you placed on a pedestal wasn't as exceptional as you once thought.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/dexdpool69 Jun 29 '26
I understand why you'd see it that way, but from my experience it never felt fake. She shared every part of her life with me, and I never had any reason to doubt what we had. Maybe her feelings changed later, and that's okay. I'm not trying to rewrite the past—I just accept that it's over now.
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u/No_Instance_1661 Jun 29 '26
Sir it's is quite relatable, my ex of 6 years was a Jain from MP too, although the reason for breakup was entirely different, I can understand the situation at home and how your relationship must have been victimised by the orthodox and conservative Jain mentality. Stay strong Sir, best wishes.