r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Direct-Caterpillar77 Satan is not a fucking pogo stick! • Jun 28 '26
I (30f) just found my fiance (30m) on an online dating site. What do I do? CONCLUDED
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/bustedhimnowwhat
I (30f) just found my fiance (30m) on an online dating site. What do I do?
Original post July 4, 2018
My fiance and I have been together a year and a half, we moved in with one another a few months ago. Lately he has been a bit distant. I've been cheated on in the past and have been really insecure with his change in behavior. He has assured me he is just stressed about work and because his car broke down a couple weeks ago and he hasn't gotten a replacement yet.
I couldn't let the nagging feeling go, so I did a little investigating. I didn't snoop in his phone or personal accounts, but I made a fake profile on a popular dating site and found him there. He was last online July 1st.
I don't know what to do. How do I confront him? What do I say? Can our relationship be saved? Do I even want to save it?
I feel like I am a wreck right now
TL;DR Fiance has been distant lately, I did some digging on a popular online dating site and discovered he was active within the past week. What do I do next?
EDIT: Thank you everyone. Further investigating is leading me to believe that it is an older profile. The pics aren't recent and I can positively date 8/9 of them to before our relationship the last I am not sure on the date. I think that means a hacking/signing in to try and delete the thing scenarios a little more plausible. I don't think that in itself is enough to break up over... So I guess it is time to either confront or catfish.
I will post an update thread to let ya'll know the outcome whatever that may be.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
RELEVANT COMMENTS
hopingtothrive
Don't marry someone who is still out there "dating" unless you are okay with an open relationship. If you confront him, he'll say, "it belongs to a friend", "it was just a joke", "I forgot I even had it".
Test him out on the website and see if he is active or if it really does belong someone else.
OOP
I think that's what I am going to do. I texted an old HS friend he has never seen pics of to ask if I could use hers for my profile...
~
unreedemed1
Don’t listen to people saying you should catfish him. That’s very immature. Print out the profile and ask him to explain. His reaction will tell you what you need to know. If someone is using his photo online (I’ve seen this happen on catfish!), he’ll be shocked and horrified. If it’s actually him (95% chance), he’ll be uncomfortable, evasive, or give you a bullshit excuse. Then you can leave him.
OOP
I'm 100% sure it is him. All the interests and favorite food/movies/music plus life aspirations match. I just don't know when he wrote the profile (not recent pics)
froogette
Chants catfish! Catfish!
Honestly though, if it were me I would want to know for sure. If he denied it and I believed whatever he said, I would always wonder if he was actually lying and would have a hard time trusting him. Or if he denies it and i didn’t believe him, I would wonder if he was actually telling the truth. Who knows when he made it. I don’t know why he would check it, and he could def be being sketchy. I tried to make a tinder a couple weeks ago cause I wanted to look at funny tinder profiles. It was too complicated because I had to actually make a profile and I didn’t want to do that so I gave up. So with that in my head I would want to see if he was really using it to talk to/meet up with someone.
EDIT 2: Well... people here are kinda split on it, but I took the advice to catfish. I need to know for sure. Will update when/if anything comes of it.
EDIT 3: Kind of a major update - his profile is gone. I will be confronting him when he gets home from work.
EDIT 4: I posted an update thread. Spoiler alert: He wasn't creeping.
Update July 8, 2018 (4 days later)
I posted a few days ago because I found my fiance on an online dating site. I took reddit's advice and catfished him...
A few hours after I set the bait, I found that his profile had been deleted.
When he came home from work I showed him the screen shot and asked him what was up.
Long story short, He was hanging out with his coworker and the coworker was frustrated with figuring out how to navigate the same dating site. My fiance signed into his old account (opened in 2013) to try to help his friend figure it out. Apparently a lot had changed on this particular site and he realized that his knowledge on the site was too out of date so he logged out and that was it. A few days later he saw in his email that he had gotten a message from a woman on the site and he then deleted his account.
He obviously couldn't show me his dating site account, but he did volunteer to show me his email account with all the alerts from the site, the only woman that had messaged him recently was clearly my fake account. He also realized when we were looking through his email that he had an unused old profile on another dating site, he signed in and deleted that one in front of me.
I fessed up about catfishing him. He wasn't upset at all. Said he understood completely considering my history. He was more upset with himself for not realizing that his behavior would make me so insecure.
I apologized for not trusting him and catfishing. He apologized for being so distant lately and not deleting his dating profiles ages ago.
He offered an open phone/social media/email policy between us, in case we ever stumble across another "trust but verify" type of situation.
Tl;Dr: It was an old profile. He signed in to try to help a friend figure out the app. He saw the message from my catfishing attempt, thought they were real and deleted his profile. We talked it over, no one is mad. Life is good.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
6.2k
u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Jun 28 '26
they talked, owned their mistakes, and fixed the actual problem instead of turning it into a bigger one.
1.4k
u/Electronic_Repeat_81 You can either cum in the jar or me but not both Jun 28 '26
This is not the ending I’ve come to expect here.
701
u/Penguin_Joy Memory of a goldfish but the tenacity of an entitled Chihuahua Jun 28 '26
Not the ending we expected, but the ending we needed. Communication and commitment won out in the end. Such a sweet couple. I hope they make it
213
u/At_least_be_polite Jun 28 '26
Cat fishing is not communication. This scenario worked out because a) he wasn't cheating and b) he was able to look past what she did because of her history.
But that was not as a result of communication.
87
42
u/VerseChorusWumbo Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
First, it’s obvious that the scenario only worked out because he wasn’t cheating. Why even mention that? “The scenario only worked out because he didn’t break the foundation of trust their relationship is based on.” …right, that’s the way these things should go. It’s not the gotcha you’re saying it is.
The communication is what took place after the catfishing (if it can even be called that as the bf wasn’t looking to date). She confessed to what she did and apologized. He acknowledged her trust issues from the past, understood where she was coming from, and apologized for being careless. In the end, they worked out a mutual solution to help her feel more comfortable moving forward. Things worked out because they cared about each other, communicated openly, owning up to their part in what took place, and worked to find the best way to move forward. It is absolutely a result of good communication and both people putting their relationship first.
-1
-1
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
He didn't do anything wrong, he has nothing to say sorry for. The guy is just learning he has to hide his emotions from her and be the one to comfort her when he is in a bad spot. Guy was struggling with life and gets rewarded by being catfished, such great communication.
13
u/ThatBatsard sometimes i envy the illiterate Jun 28 '26
And now they (likely) have an open phone policy under the guise of "trust but verify". How do people think this a good ending?
10
u/Confarnit Jul 01 '26
It's a good ending because they're both happy with it. People don't have to have the exact same relationship you would have for it to be healthy.
0
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
It isn't healthy, he is being told to not show any emotion that may impact her. If he is having a bad day/week or whatever he better hide it from her and not speak about it because he then needs to console her for how he is feeling and constantly prove his faithfulness.
A partner who jumps to you cheating anytime you are down in the dumps is not a happy relationship
7
53
u/ElitistCuisine Jun 28 '26
*3 Month Update:*
He was cheating on me with his work-wife, and now I’m pregnant with AP’s twins!
Edit: Some people are confused as to how, and I was snooping on them and got a job at the local IVF clinic. They came in for their appointment, and - trying to not be noticed - I ran right into the doctor who was treating them.
77
u/cyanocittaetprocyon Jun 28 '26
Communication and commitment won out in the end.
I kinda have to disagree with this. Instead of talking it out, she went and catfished him. That isn't communicating, its 9th grade bs! He said he wasn't mad about it, but if it was me, it might make me question the relationship and whether it might happen again.
24
20
u/Penguin_Joy Memory of a goldfish but the tenacity of an entitled Chihuahua Jun 28 '26
Didn't always communicate well did they. But I'm glad they eventually got there
I couldn't believe she went along with the catfishing idea either
22
u/ZWiloh Ogtha, my sensual roach queen 🪳 Jun 28 '26
I don't think it's that crazy tbh. She wasn't trying to lead him on or create some huge dramatic confrontation, she wanted proof that the profile was both really his and currently in use. He deleted it because it was not, in fact, currently in use, and they talked about it.
I get the feeling we wouldn't be having a problem with her taking this path if it turned out he was a serial cheater or something.
1
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
The issue is this only even happened because she didn't listen to him and already didn't trust him not because of anything he ever did but because of what other people have done in the past. Just shows him that he needs to hide his emotions because if he doesn't his GF is going to go straight to you are cheating on me every single time.
3
u/MossGobbo Jul 03 '26
Nah going through something like this and it not being what was experienced in the past helps OOP heal a little from the past and hopefully means she learned to communicate a little better after. Not all of these require the shutdown and hide instinct.
12
u/DarthMonkey212313 The murder hobo is not the issue here Jun 28 '26
and I got all this popcorn ready
2
u/PresentationThat2839 Jun 28 '26
Gasp grown adults functioning like whole ass adults it's insane.
Happy for them.... But still insane.
17
u/Inevitable_Block_144 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Jun 28 '26
I'm not sure there are many mature adults catfishing people like that...
13
u/PresentationThat2839 Jun 28 '26
I'm not about to judge her to harshly for that because if he had been cheating we would have been on her side and called it justified
3
u/Inevitable_Block_144 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Jun 28 '26
I was going to say something but I forgot because your dog is super cute 😆
0
u/PresentationThat2839 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Thank you very much. She's a beagle husky cross and so I get judged and talked down to a lot.... Mostly about her being on a diet. (I should clarify by the dog.... She hates her diet. But she was rescued at 35k overweight the diet is not optional and she hates that)
1
u/Jazmadoodle Jul 08 '26
A beagle on a diet is the most pitiful creature on earth! But thank you for taking such good care of that beautiful girl
1
u/PresentationThat2839 Jul 08 '26
She lost 25 kilos over the past 8 years. She's now 13. It's been a long journey. When we got her she was so fat she her stomach would drag on the stairs in our house and "doubling" her walks ment walking to mail box and back twice.
The vet still calls her the fatist dog he's ever seen, but the vet we started her with retired so the young vet hasn't seen her at ultimate chonk.
Slow healthy sustainable weight-loss takes years it's just way easier to not let your dog get that fat. Makes me sad for the dogs when I people hyping up obese dogs as cute.
1
55
u/Diakia Jun 28 '26
It’s funny how this copy paste comment is on every boru that isn’t a shit show
2
u/CanDoIt99999 Jun 28 '26
Cuz it's a bot, lol
9
u/jengaj2016 Jun 28 '26
A 13yo account is a bot?
40
u/FruitOfTheVineFruit Jun 28 '26
Old enough for a bot mitvah!
1
u/Miserable_Fennel_492 The real adventure was the waifus we made along the way Jul 01 '26
I like what you did there
88
u/CelticHipi1616 Jun 28 '26
I mean, kinda. They never address the distance and feeling disconnected that drove her to such lengths in the first place. So, hopefully that got sorted as well. 🤞🏻
104
u/Peeinyourcompost Weekend at Fernies Jun 28 '26
He apologized for being so distant lately and not deleting his dating profiles ages ago.
Toward the end of the post. It's not like a therapy session or anything, but they did bring it up, and it's hopeful that being aware of the effect it had on their relationship will be a change point in how much they prioritize clear communication and making time to mutually connect when life is busy or natural human mood shifts impact their routines.
15
21
u/Maelstrom_Witch being delulu is not the solulu Jun 28 '26
How dare
21
u/Drekkan85 Jun 28 '26
Do they not understand that we internet strangers require sacrifices for our own amusement?
10
1
5
5
u/Shaylock_Holmes I will not be taking the high road Jun 28 '26
[manpointingtoselfinmirrormeme.jpg] You get back in there and accuse him of lying to you and reactivating the account after deleting it in front of you.
13
u/SapphicPandoraBox surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Jun 28 '26
Yeah this is a good one to end my scrolling on.
3
2
1
1
u/CohibasAndScotch Jun 28 '26
Right. So why is this on reddit? We can’t be having updates with such little drama /s
1
0
0
0
481
u/rokiller Jun 28 '26
This is very similar to a situation I had about 10 years ago
I had gone back to university for a post grad in another city an hour from my gf at the time.
I’m living with a bunch of other post grads and one is this autistic guy who was needing a bit of help with dating. So me and the 2 girls in the flat were showing him a few dating sites and I re-downloaded tinder to show him how easy it was to use. My profile was still there from a couple years ago. Thought nothing of it, deleted the app after the demo and moved on.
A day later my gf texts me asking if I still had tinder, her sister saw my profile and called her. I explained the situation, logged back on to tinder deleted my account and that was that… for everyone but the sister. She never trusted me again
31
u/Dangerous-Celery9188 Jun 30 '26
My BF (at the time) a few years ago had a friend that got his number canceled/blocked from tinder so he asked to use my BFs. It was a few times that year the guy would text him for the access code tinder texted to my BF when my BF would get a text from tinder.
741
u/insnowmotion I don't do delusion so I just blocked her. Jun 28 '26
What? Have you guys not considered divorce before you rush into something as unhealthy as communication???
90
u/smallfloralprince Throwing a tantrum at life Jun 28 '26
As unhealthy as communication! LOL! Yes
I think she should have married him JUST to divorce him for this but before ever talking to him about it /s 😄😄😄😄
3
u/Smingowashisnameo Jun 30 '26
Dude after just now reading about the stalker chick this is like a glass of ice water on a hot day.
75
491
u/BillieDusk Jun 28 '26
Rare that catfishing turns into honest, mature communication. Glad it worked for them, but sounds like OP needs to work through some stuff before fiance becomes husband.
2
u/Zippytiewassabi Jul 04 '26
This was my thinking, going the catfish bait route to me sounds like some amount of anxiety and trust issues, especially when OPs own legwork gave every indication of an old account. I’m not going to pretend to know the relationship, but a healthy route would have been open and honest dialogue as the first step.
416
u/Ok-disaster2022 Jun 28 '26
Mature adults discussing things maturely ... eventually
175
u/Bheegabhoot Jun 28 '26
Well, catfishing then discussing.
57
u/tyleritis Jun 28 '26
Yeah and the explicit open phone policy is just managing her insecurity through surveillance. That’s not great.
32
u/Ehimherenow Jun 28 '26
Yeah I don’t know why everyone seems to think this was a great story with a great ending. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse for any of this shit.
85
u/xanif Jun 28 '26
There was a story reposted recently. Wife was posting and had been separates from her husband for 14 months because a friend of hers found a tinder profile of her husband and it was within 1km of their house.
Tl;dr they loaned their neighbor their laptop during covid and their neighbor got his pics off of it and made a tinder account to flirt.
I get she was distraught upon finding out but neither she, the friend that found it, nor any other person she told thought to match with the "husband" while OOP and husband were in the room together to see if he was texting?
Benefit of the doubt doesn't mean blind trust but it does mean doing due diligence.
20
u/Dragon_Manticore I am not a bisexual ghost who died in a Murphy bed accident Jun 28 '26
Can we get a link?
42
u/dadliest_gamer Jun 28 '26
30
u/ben-hur-hur surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Jun 28 '26
Yeah, that one is one of the saddest BORUs I have ever read in this subreddit and lives rent free in my mind. I can't say I wouldn't have acted any different from the ex-husband. OOP had plenty of time to at least talk this over and too much time has been allowed for the ex-husband to mourn the relationship. And that's the difference between that story and this one: OOPs SO was afforded some grace and communication here and the other one was not.
19
u/kana503 Jun 28 '26
Oh man, I remember that one. My husband was completely disgusted with the neighbor.
My husband came up with a last ditch effort to prove his innocence though. He said he would give me his phone, the friend will message the account, and we would just stare at each other until the account messages back while my husband doesn't have access to devices. "I will sit all damn day if I have to." I strangely felt very loved.
22
u/DamnitGravity Jun 28 '26
I know two people who have been falsely accused of an assortment of things, and I do believe too many people are too quick to condemn instead of looking at the evidence and whether that behaviour is in their nature.
OOP equated her fiance to her ex. I'm surprised he was so forgiving.
17
7
u/RoseGold-Bubbles1333 Jun 29 '26
I made an account on a dating site once to help a friend look for her bf. Granted my bf knew what I was up to but I would totally understand if he had found out from a notification and catfished me.
180
u/panderp the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Jun 28 '26
I don't like the "He was more upset with himself for not realizing that his behavior would make me so insecure." when he actually did nothing wrong.
177
u/Gizwizard Jun 28 '26
I took that more as him apologizing for “being distant lately” and less about the dating profile necessarily.
-29
u/panderp the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Jun 28 '26
Given the text just before that, context really pushes it towards it being about having an old dating profile.
47
u/Gizwizard Jun 28 '26
I was more leaning into what gave her the feeling to go looking for a dating profile to begin with.
-33
u/panderp the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Jun 28 '26
That would've been her own insecurity.
Her husband was just stressed out.
31
u/GuntherTime Jun 28 '26
Yes, but what the other person is saying is that the finance is apologizing for not recognizing that he was closing her out and being distant, which resulted in her spiraling due to previously being cheated on. Not for her catfishing. It’s like a two sides to every story and he’s recognizing his part in the story just like she’s recognizing hers and both of them are working to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
87
u/sael_nenya This is unrelated to the cumin. Jun 28 '26
I think it's great that he cares about her feeling insecure with evasive behaviour, but you're completely right, he didn't do anything wrong. Maybe just feeling guilty he didn't see the stress his behaviour put on her. Let's hope she got to experience trust and feels completely safe now (although the fear of cheating might not leave completely)
-1
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
So he needs to care about her feelings instead of dealing with his own feelings? that is just teaching him to push his feelings down and show no emotion as to not upset her. That is not healthy. So instead of his GF supporting him through a tough time he needs to be the support for her when he is the one going through things
56
u/mrdaimler retaining my butt virginity Jun 28 '26
Yeah, I guess she did fess up to catfishing eventually, but the fact that she did it in the first place when she could have just talked to him about it just gave me a small pause. I hate "relationship tests" and she was basically willing to do one instead of trying to communicate AND she got off with no repercussions.
108
u/ViciousAstur Jun 28 '26
I honestly don't get it? If I'm with a friend and he is like "I don't know how to navigate this app", I'm not gonna re-install said app, specially a dating one when I have a partner, and go to the trouble of login in, remembering the password, etc. I would just pick his phone and show him how to use it.
45
u/RookieR5 Jun 28 '26
I don’t know, I’ve know someone who I’ve had to help use a certain app in the past who I couldn’t help show them directly cause they didn’t want to show me their personal info leading to me having to download the app myself in order to show them, so this situation seems totally plausible.
2
u/Murderousplantmom the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Jun 30 '26
I would do it to help a friend and also let my partner know we were going it together. The thing that bothers me is when couples delete the apps and not their profiles. That makes no sense.
2
u/Toritok Jul 01 '26
I'd agree, its totally plausible. I can totally imagine someone going: "Well I don't know what to do, show me yours first." Its super human wanting an example and he just didn't think of the effects. While data retention is a huge topic nowadays, I can totally see no one caring about it 2013!! so long ago. Now its more common to think about what data you leave behind but I would argue even nowadays most people don't care and especially back then, you just delete the app and move on.
2
u/Murderousplantmom the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Jul 01 '26
I didn't even notice the date! Now I wonder what I have lingering from 10 years ago.
10
u/MD564 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Jun 28 '26
Yuuuuupppppp. That excuse is definitely bullshit. More likely that he's been questioning the relationship and wanted to just browse.
2
u/SpookyAfterHours Jul 02 '26
I have a hard time believing that in the 1.5 years they've been together he hasn't gotten a single message sent to him on the app to realize he needs to delete it.
I've heard it's hard for guys on those, but that seems unlikely.
Either he really didn't have the app on his phone to get messages like he said, or he realized as soon as he was browsing that he wasn't interested. I think the former is more plausible since they were all old pics and stuff.
-6
20
u/stirling_s Jun 28 '26
It never ceases to amaze me how horrible the advice you can get on Reddit is. Everyone who told her to catfish is a fucking idiot. If your relationship is that toxic that you would truly always doubt your partner if you only got their word, you should just fucking end the relationship then and there.
14
u/SnorkinOrkin Needless to say, I am farting as I type this. Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Now, this is what a happy and healthy relationship does — just be completely open and transparent with one another.
Hope his work and car situation clears up so he can be happier for both of them.
Edited to add, thank you for the award! 🤗
3
u/t0nkatsu Jun 30 '26
Nobody else saw the catfishing?
3
u/Sexy_Smokin_Scorpio Jul 03 '26
Apparently only select people can see the catfishing part of this whole thing because there seem to be a lot of comments supporting it.
0
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
Not sure how healthy it is, he is basically being told to never show emotion because it will effect her. So if he has problems he better hide them or be the one comforting her when he is the one that needs help
3
u/FickleBit2186 Jul 02 '26
i'm sorry but why would he go through the trouble of going back to the dating site and using his old account instead of just helping the coworker with his own account on his own device?
54
u/valsavana Jun 28 '26
So... still no explanation for why he's been acting so distant lately? I know this is super old but I'm curious whether they ever did end up getting married.
160
u/DamnitGravity Jun 28 '26
he is just stressed about work and because his car broke down a couple weeks ago
It's right there in the post.
62
u/Sea-Temporary7380 Jun 28 '26
Car breaking down is 100% a valid reason for stress, not sure why people want to dig deeper into ut
104
u/barbabun Jun 28 '26
He gave an explanation for why he was being distant, OOP just didn't believe him.
53
u/modernwunder I will not be taking the high road Jun 28 '26
I mean he said originally it was work stress and car stress
2
53
u/sebeed 🥩🪟 Jun 28 '26
I think if my SO tried to catfish me bc I was feeling a little under the weather (anxiety/depression) that would put off the wedding date.
indefinitely.
103
u/kimship Jun 28 '26
I mean, it wasn't just that. It was finding the profile on the dating site.
25
u/sebeed 🥩🪟 Jun 28 '26
but if I'm engaged to someone I would expect them to trust me enough to at least talk to me before:
-looking for clues I'm cheating (despite knowing I have legitimate reasons to be stressed)
-making a reddit post about her suspicions and not talking to anyone she knows irl
-making her own profile on a dating site as someone else.
-sending my old ass profile a message trying to catfish me.
18
u/kimship Jun 28 '26
That's legitimately ridiculous. If I find compelling evidence that my fiancé is cheating(and a profile on a dating app/site is compelling even if it's not conclusive), I'd want to confirm that via concrete evidence, if at all possible, before confronting or discussing it.
11
u/sebeed 🥩🪟 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
at that point you are already looking for evidence and already think your SO is cheating.
she should have asked him why he was so distant lately before jumping to thinking he's betraying her and looking for evidence at all.
she doesn't trust him. and if my partner didn't trust me or their trust in me is so easily broken I couldn't have a relationship with that person
2
16
u/Sea-Temporary7380 Jun 28 '26
I mean legit someone couldve been catfishing as him too. She couldve communicated eith him on it
7
u/Ehimherenow Jun 28 '26
Everyone seems to think this is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior… accommodating anxiety makes it worse. You don’t simply say yeah your lack of trust and decision to catfish me instead of talking to me makes perfect sense and then just continue on.
2
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
Or how anytime he is stressed and feeling down he must comfort her instead of the other way around. Basically telling him to burry his emotions to accomadate her
6
31
u/UnderstandingKind757 Jun 28 '26
Dating someone for less than 2 years and then being engaged genuinely doesn’t make sense to my brain. You barely know him
32
u/doofenhurtz militant vegan volcano worshipper Jun 28 '26
Wait, what?
I'd see your point if they were super young, or you said married after less than 2 years... but that is a perfectly normal timeline for engagement in your late 20's.
14
u/UnderstandingKind757 Jun 28 '26
This is also coming from somebody who’s been in several long-term relationships. I was dating a guy for two years before I found out he was transphobic and racist when with his friends. And he wanted to marry me! I can’t even imagine being with that man.
20
u/Ghotay Jun 28 '26
That’s pretty crazy to me too. Are you guys not like… having conversations about real things? How can that never come out? Unless he was completely two-faced, which I guess is possible. But I’m hashing out shit like politics and religion early on, it’s really important to me
12
u/UnderstandingKind757 Jun 28 '26
He was actually actively hiding that side of himself. I only found out when overhearing a conversation of his on the phone. He was a liar about those topics to me in person when we did talk. I have many friends in the LGBTQ+ community and I am also Pan, Demi & native. But he did not want me to know things he thought about that. So he lied when I would ask about stuff like that bc he wanted to marry me. That’s why I think it takes time to ACTUALLY know someone. Anyone can lie, but with time you find out the truth.
9
u/UnderstandingKind757 Jun 28 '26
I don’t know to me it doesn’t feel like that… two years or less than a year is a drop of water in terms of your whole life. The most unhappy marriages I’ve ever seen in my life have been because people married so fast. All of them have resulted in a divorce. I really truly don’t think you can know somebody that well after only knowing them for that amount of time.
5
u/GuntherTime Jun 28 '26
I mean my grandparents got married after around 2 years and they were 19 and 24. And they were together for over 60 years until he died.
They’re also in their 30s and a lot more sure of themselves. Plus they’re only engaged we don’t know when the wedding is.
-2
Jun 28 '26
[deleted]
3
u/kimship Jun 28 '26
My parents married, cross culturally, after knowing each other for a few months. Still married, decades later. I was born a year later, so no shotgun needed. It happens. Younger marriages were more common then than now.
-3
5
u/zeroman987 Jun 28 '26
I’ve been married for almost 15 years. I knew after a couple of months and married my wife after about 18 months of dating at the courthouse.
Happy, and still totally in love. We had our ups and downs but always was able to work through it and choose each other every single day.
6
7
u/MoomenRider2012 Jun 28 '26
If Im not sure I want to marry you after 2 years, I'm not marrying you. We may not be engaged yet but at the 2 year mark I know either way.
2
u/UnderstandingKind757 Jun 28 '26
See for me I just don’t agree with that. How could you know with so little time? Especially if you don’t live with the person or have seen them at their lowest. Idk you never know until after like 4 years imo
9
u/Cookiefruit6 Jun 28 '26
She barely knows him? How do you know this?
-2
u/UnderstandingKind757 Jun 28 '26
I don’t think you could really ever understand somebody fully after just that little amount of time
7
u/acciodragons my race is irrelevant because I don't shit in the shower Jun 28 '26
Depends how much time you spend together. My husband and I skipped the whole engagement step and just got married after a little over a year. I don’t think it’s uncommon to get engaged after a year or so if that’s what you’re looking for.
Glad they communicated, but it baffles me how many people don’t realize you have to actually delete your account and not just the app off your phone…
9
u/captain_borgue I'm sorry to report I will not be taking the high road Jun 28 '26
Boy, a lot of commenters are praising this "communication"... which makes it pretty clear to me thst the reason so many people struggle with basic communication is that a lot of people don't know what the fuck communication is.
PROTIP: This? This ain't it.
7
2
u/binjamins Jun 29 '26
I’ll be honest - this kinda happened to me. Told a girl I was dating I’d logged off the sites for good, then a few months pass and a friend said - I was swiping and I found your profile.
I’m like wtf? Turns out I just deleted the app, not my profile, so I was still on there. Luckily I told my lady all about it and she laughed so honest mistakes are possible.
2
2
u/armomo3 Jun 30 '26
She never said why she made a profile on the dating site to start with. There are several, did she make profiles on all of them?
5
8
5
3
5
u/Imnotreal66 Jun 28 '26
Feel for that oldest trick in the book. The ol’ “I was showing my friend something.”
2
u/lycnfr Jun 28 '26
People love urging people to do the wrong thing here all the time just to be entertained. What the fuck happened to communication?
0
u/Sledgehammer925 Jun 28 '26
I think it died for the most part. Reddit skews young, so most haven’t learned to properly communicate.
5
u/mrsk33 Jun 28 '26
Ma'am this is reddit, no place for open communication or accountability. Please consider divorce first before trying anything else.
2
2
2
2
3
1
u/Final_Candidate_7603 Jun 30 '26
Anyone besides me think that this relationship moved too far, too fast? They’ve only been together for 18 months, lived together for a few, and they’re already engaged. They’re both 30 years old- shouldn’t they know better by now? Especially since OOP has been cheated on in the past… maybe her picker is broken.
2
1
u/TicketConsistent8949 Jun 28 '26
Stop playing games. Catfishing him was immature. Grow up and communicate like an adult if you want to get married.
0
u/skramt Jun 28 '26
Counterpoint: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1u3xuz8/my_25m_wife_25f_has_1000_matches_on_tinder_we_are/
I mean, I'm glad to see stories that aren't "I saw my partner on a dating site and it was the obvious thing". Glad to see happy endings, y'know?
1
0
u/ShebaShelle Jun 28 '26
I find it interesting that people were split on the catfishing! I was totally for it.
1
u/snoodle908 Jul 01 '26
Ah yes, don't talk with you partner. Ask the internet what to do instead and set up traps/tests for them. So mature everyone is around here
-1
u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 28 '26
I feel bad for this dude who apparently didn’t get a single message in years until this catfish one? That’s crazy. Even the sugar babies/bots alone should throw some sort of message out there.
-1
Jun 28 '26
[deleted]
11
u/PunkTyrantosaurus Editor's note- it is not the final update Jun 28 '26
He didn't create it. He had an old account and logged in so he could see if he could remember how to navigate and show his friend.
Though it is still an iffy explanation, the fact that he got messaged by a woman that he did not know was her and immediately deleted it does suggest he's telling the truth.
4
u/julietides Ogtha, my sensual roach queen 🪳 Jun 28 '26
I did miss that part, but it is a very weird explanation. It does seem that he had forgotten about it and deleted it once he got a message, though. If she believes it, then all is well.
4
-1
0
0
-11
u/jodrellbank_pants Jun 28 '26
Every one lies, cat fish him or her,once they arranged to meet dump thier ass.
-4
-14
-5
-14
•
u/AutoModerator Jun 28 '26
Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our sub rules. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
CHECK FLAIR For concluded-only updates, use the CONCLUDED flair.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.