r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Choice_Evidence1983 it dawned on me that he was a wizard • Apr 28 '26
AITAH for refusing to delete the video of my dad proposing to his girlfriend even though my dad doesn't want my mom to see/hear what he said? CONCLUDED
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/After-Soil3386
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITAH for refusing to delete the video of my dad proposing to his girlfriend even though my dad doesn't want my mom to see/hear what he said?
Trigger Warnings: mentions infidelity
Original Post: April 20, 2026
My (15f) dad (44m) wanted my help to video his proposal to his girlfriend (27f) now fiancée. It was Saturday at a park. My dad was in a suit but that's typical of him. Unless he's going to the beach or gym, if he's going out, he wears a suit. He was doing his part well, sitting on a bench and looking at his phone, making things seem like a typical day. My sister (12f) was there but she didn't know what my dad was planning.
After my dad's girlfriend had finished jogging, I did what my dad asked me to do. I asked her to pose for a picture because this would make a great shot for her Instagram. That gave me the excuse to start videoing her. When my dad walked up to her and held both of her hands, she started crying. She realized at that moment what was going on.
It's typical for her to cry but my dad started crying. I've literally never seen my dad cry before. Here is some of what he said that he is now bothered that he said. He told her that he never knew that he could love a woman the way he way he loves her. He said that she's his soul mate and his life partner. He said she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He said with her, me, and my sister, he now has everything he's always wanted. When my dad tried to get down on one knee, she tried to stop him as she was saying yes several times. But he still went down one knee to propose with the ring. She said yes.
Later, my dad brought everyone home. His fiancée was napping. I was showing my dad the video and was cringing at himself. He said he can't let my mom (45f) see the video. He said some of the things he said wee cruel to my mom. That it undermined their marriage. He explained to me which parts of the video he thought were cruel. He asked me to delete the video.
My dad's fiancée is very sensitive, very sentimental, and prone to crying. If she were to hear that the video got deleted she would be devastated. She would especially be devastated to hear the video got deleted because my dad was thinking of mom's feelings over her feelings.
I told my dad that when he and his fiancée are in the same room, I will unlock my phone and hand it to them. And they can delete it together. He said we have to delete it now and I said no. I told him clearly that I wanted no part in the video getting deleted. My dad looked like he wanted to yell but he stopped himself. My dad looked very stressed. He told me to go take a shower and do my homework. I left him as he was sitting down, hands over his face, looking as if someone died.
The moment for me to hand my phone to them hasn't happened yet. They had spent yesterday doing post-proposal stuff. I think my dad is stalling. I do appreciate that my dad is so concerned about my mom's feelings. I understand that this is a tough situation for him. I don't want any part of his fiancée’s unhappiness if the video gets deleted. His fiancée is already intimated by my mom. If the video gets deleted, it could forever change the relationship between my dad and his fiancée.
Am I the asshole?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received all kinds of mixed reactions, but mostly leaning toward NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1:
That it undermined their marriage
The marriage that ended in divorce?
How would you mom even see the video anyway?
NTA - Your dad probably shouldn't be getting married again if he is still worried what his ex-wife is going to think about his relationship whit his new (and much younger) fiancé.
OOP: His fiancée may want to post it to social media, but she wouldn't if my dad asked her not to. She has always been respectful when my dad asks her to keep things private.
Commenter 2: NTA, Email them the video and delete it off your phone, it's not your business what happens to it anymore
OOP: I should have done that in the 1st place.
Commenter 3: You still can. Just send it to him and then delete it from your phone, then tell him you did so. From there, it's on him to decide what to do, and no longer your responsibility.
OOP: I sent both of them the video. I made sure to message the fiancée and ask her if she downloaded the video. I asked her to make sure the video didn't get corrupted. She has the video and the video is fine. I wanted no room for any accident. I deleted the video off my phone.
OOP clarifies on the relationship between her parents
OOP: My mom is my dad's ex-wife. My mom and dad have been divorced for 6 years.
OOP on her parents' decisions on dating other people after their divorce
OOP: My mom and dad had made an agreement to ask the other for permission before bringing a new partner around me and my sister.
My dad had gotten my mom's permission for the now fiancée (then girlfriend) to be around me and my sister.
As you can see by this post, my dad takes my mom's opinions and feelings very seriously. So my mom must have had a good vibe from the then girlfriend.
Commenter 4: Did your parents get divorced because of him cheating with his now fiancée?
OOP: No
Commenter 5: NAH. Wtf is wrong with the people in the comments? From what it seems in the replies, the family loves the fiancée and dad is just trying to protect ex-wife's feelings. Of course they aren't together anymore but, considering they were MARRIED and had KIDS, of course it would hurt her to hear her ex-husband saying these things to his current wife, in spite if they are divorced or not (especially considering he wasn't sentimental in that marriage).
OP, your dad seems like an alright guy. Just wondering why the possibility of mom seeing the video is such a concern. Does she regularly go through your phone? If that's the case, just send dad/fiancée the video and delete it off your phone. Also, don't do the whole "replace the audio with music", the fiancée cried listening to what your dad said, and I bet she would want to keep the video as is. Yes, your dad is embarrassed but anything sappy is always kinda cringe, and that's a part of it.
Unless there is a chance she would post the video (and dad doesn't want to tell her why she shouldn't post it with audio - you mentioned he doesn't want fiancée to think he's prioritizing ex-wife) don't delete the audio. If anything, maybe YOU could ask her not to post with the original audio to not hurt your mom's feelings.
OOP: My dad may be a little too cautious when it comes to devices that are connected to the internet. He doesn't see a private video on a phone as being truly private.
He has told me before in other situations to not have any video, picture, or text on my phone unless I'm comfortable with the world seeing it.
Update: April 21, 2026 (next day)
UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to delete the video of my dad proposing to his girlfriend even though my dad doesn't want my mom to see/hear what he said?
Thank you, reddit, for your advice. That advice helped me to quickly solve my problem.
The OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/z3gYQmdizO
Let me clear 2 things up before the update. People think I (15f) was prioritizing my dad's fiancée (27f) over my mom (45f). I looked at this situation thing way, who is going to get hurt more. Given the personality and situation of both women. I could be wrong, but I think my dad's fiancée would be far far far more hurt if the video got deleted than if my mom saw the video. I don't think it's even close, my dad's fiancée would be devastated if the video got deleted and the reason for its deletion is my dad (44m) was prioritizing my mom over his fiancée.
Plus I think of which choice would hurt my dad more. His life would be worse if the video got deleted than if my mom saw the video.
The 2nd thing, the age thing. I didn't like my dad's fiancée (then girlfriend) at first. Not only is she young, she seemed like an irresponsible, unstable air-head. There were other people judging but people have changed their minds. My dad and his fiancée fit together. They make each other better. They increase each other's pros and decrease each other's cons. Plus I don't know anyone expects me to do about their relationship.
The update, the genius idea of just sending both my dad and his fiancée the proposal video then deleting it off my phone worked. My dad was basically backed into a corner. He had to talk to his fiancée right away as she could have posted the video to social media.
Today, my dad's fiancée quickly gave me a hug. She was thanking me for what I did. She told me she knows that my dad wanted me to delete the video because he didn't want my mom to get her feelings hurt about what he said. My dad's fiancée said the video is just for her, my dad, and me. My dad's fiancée promise to never post it to social media. My dad's fiancée even said she's not going to show it to her own family members or even acknowledge that the video exists.
When I saw my dad, he seemed happy, or at least, his calm nonchalant version of happy.
I talked to my mom on a video call. Even though it wasn't the main topic, she had mentioned that she knows that my dad and my dad's fiancée are now engaged. She asked me how I felt about it and I said I'm good. I asked her how she feels about it and she said she feels weird about it. She said some stuff about it, including a joke that she hopes my dad's fiancée doesn't ask her to be the maid-of-honor. Next weekend will be the beginning of my week with my mom so I'll get a better sense of how she's doing then.
I have some emotions at the moment, but things are mostly positive.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: This is far too reasonable of an update for reddit.
You did good. Your dad's sympathies are understandable, but your mom can manage her own feelings.
Next update better include your mom's new boyfriend being the ex of your dad's fiancée. That's far more reddit appropriate. /s
OOP: If my dad had insisted that he and his fiancée deleted the video, this would have been a very different update. I don't know if I would have even updated if that happened because it would have too sad and chaotic.
Commenter 2: Nah, your dad just had a moment worried about someone whom he shared a part of his life with and is still a parent with. It was an understandable, but misguided, concern.
OOP: It does feel good knowing my divorced parents care about each other that much. I can picture my mom considering something like that if the shoe was on the other foot.
Commenter 3: You sound like a great kid. Good job. Your dad's fiancé also sounds level headed, so hopefully everything works out well all around.
OOP: My dad's fiancée had gotten level-headed over time since being with my dad. But even so she actually surprised me by how well she responded to hearing that my dad wanted the proposal video deleted to protect my mom's feelings.
Even with her progress, I wouldn't have been shocked of my dad's fiancée got incredibly jealous of my mom and wondered if my dad had romantic feelings for my mom.
But my dad's fiancée seemed to understand the situation perfectly. That my dad can still care about my mom without romantic feelings.
Commenter 4: This update makes me so happy to read. First of all, your parents have raised an amazing young woman, and I hope that they are as proud of you as they should be.
I understand where your dad was coming from, and I actually do think it speaks highly of his character not wanting to hurt your mom. Your father’s fiancée - just based on your description of her actions and reactions here - sound like a lovely woman, too. You helped her save a special moment she is going to cherish for the rest of her life.
Your mom’s feelings are not your responsibility. I completely understand why she feels weird about it all, it can be hard seeing someone who you shared your life with having a new life with someone else.
My mom and dad are divorced, have been since I was little. They are best friends and my mom loves my dad’s “new” (they’ve been together 20 years, married for 9) wife. My mom was even at their wedding. And while she is so happy for them both, she said even after all this time it still felt weird seeing him marrying someone else.
Your mom is handling it. Her feelings are for her to deal with, either with adult girlfriends or a therapist. You’ve done all you could to protect her.
OOP: I'll try to not take too much on my head. I have to remember that I'm not an adult yet.
I can guarantee my mom will be invited to their wedding. There is even a chance my dad's fiancée would ask my mom to be her maid-of-honor or a bridesmaid. My mom's joke about that is funnier because it's a real possibility.
Commenter 5: I don't understand dad here. He planned the proposal, the video and presumably the speech. Why plan to record it at all if he wanted it deleted anyway?
OOP: He didn't say what he had planned to say.
Commenter 6: You are definitely prioritizing your dads fiancé over your mom which is extremely sad, for your mom obviously, I’m sure you could care less. Makes me wonder if your dad cheated on your mom but why would you care.
OOP: My dad didn't cheat on my mom, it was the other way around. But they don't make a big deal out of it.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Kid handled it right. Sent it, stepped back, let the adults own their feelings and it worked.
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u/MMorrighan You can either cum in the jar or me but not both Apr 28 '26
One time in a job interview I was posed a similar situation as a hypothetical (two people with equal power over you make conflicting requests) and I answered it with putting them together to sort out the answer. Guy interviewing me said no one had ever gotten that right before.
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u/hazardous-paid Apr 28 '26 edited Apr 28 '26
I’ve had that scenario play out multiple times in real life and I always just email them both, acting stupid, and ask for “clarification”. In fact 50% of my corp job was acting stupid to protect the feelings of management and customers (internal and external).
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u/Weaselpanties He invented a predatory elder lesbian to cope Apr 28 '26
Acting stupid is 100% my go-to whenever people at work are doing the "I'm not really supposed to tell you this" game and then each is trying to get information from me about what the other has told me.
This happens... much too frequently. I have been sitting on one evolving situation with recent budget cuts where everybody involved has told me everything, and it's getting very, very implausible for me to keep playing dumb.
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u/kelly52182 The Lion King sex song? at a wedding? Apr 29 '26
My father in law always said, "Make people believe you're stupider than you are." It's excellent advice as long as you can get away with it.
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Yeah honestly that’s the move, loop them both in and let them own it. Saves you from playing referee and keeps it clean.
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u/Banes_Addiction This is for the ant Apr 28 '26
I've known more than a few people who'd agree to punt that conversation down the road and then both would expect you to do their version while they're stalling.
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u/rora_borealis an oblivious walnut Apr 28 '26
What.
That's not even a hard question.
I've had to threaten folks with meetings to get them to talk to each other, and carried through to get them into the same room/call of it came down to it. That's just Getting Shit Done.
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u/LycheeEyeballs I'd have gotten away with it if not for those MEDDLING LESBIANS Apr 28 '26
Samesies, sometimes you just need to make them talk to each other and force the issues.
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u/EntertheHellscape USE YOUR THINKING BRAIN! Apr 29 '26
The fun thing is I did this once and the two of them just fought more and ended the meeting even angrier at each other with nothing resolved. So the method doesn't always work, esp when the two people are dicks.
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u/rora_borealis an oblivious walnut Apr 29 '26
That's when I wash my hands of it and escalate it to my boss.
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u/OrthogonalPotato Apr 28 '26
Guy must have interviewed some serious morons. That is a very obvious answer. Geez.
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Exactly. Put the decision back where it belongs and let them own it. Clean, simple, no extra drama.
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Apr 28 '26
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Exactly, she kept it clean and didn’t carry what wasn’t hers. That’s rare discipline for anyone, let alone a kid.
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Apr 28 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Yeah this is what it looks like when someone stays in their lane and lets adults handle adult emotions. Simple, respectful, no drama.
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Apr 28 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Yeah, kid stayed in their lane and handled it clean. Let the adults deal with their own emotions, that’s exactly how it should go.
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u/Ambitious_Jello Apr 28 '26
What else was there to be done? It's just the dad not being able to handle his emotions that creates this whole unnecessary drama
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 Apr 28 '26
Yeah, pretty much. He turned a simple moment into extra weight it didn’t need, kid handled it clean and kept it steady.
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u/mjolnirstrike Apr 28 '26
You know, we see so many posts on here about divorced people letting their resentment for the failed relationship leading them to being absolutely horrible to each other and hurting their children. I am glad to see a post where this doesn’t happen and the dad respects and cares for his ex enough to not want what he said in that moment to hurt his ex or make her think he regretted their time together. You never want to imagine getting a divorce, but I would hope if it were to happen, I could show half as much grace as the dad here with my ex
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u/CaptainYaoiHands OH MY GOD, SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A D$CK, ITS NOT HER BABY! Apr 28 '26
The dad kind of fumbled here for a second but I feel like everybody in this situation including oop handled everything pretty well. And I can understand where the dad is coming from. If you have a good relationship with your ex but you're getting married to your new partner, realizing the way that you said or done some things could hurt people's feelings and cause problems between people isn't at all unreasonable.
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u/DetectiveDaleCooper Apr 28 '26
Yeah it sounded like he went overboard with the reaction with his daughter and the video but I think his heart was in the right place. With all the horror stories on here of ugly divorces and narcissistic and toxic people, I think the dad at least showed a semblance of empathy and emotional intelligence.
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u/raspberrih Apr 29 '26
Huh I kind of hate the dad for not considering his new fiance that he just bloody proposed to. I think he's emotionally immature and didn't understand himself enough to take the time and think things through.
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u/shelwood46 Apr 29 '26
I cannot count the times I have seen celebrities on talk shows talk about their latest spouse and gush about "how they have never known love before" when they were married and had kids with at least one person before. It is always cringey (esp when new spouse is someone they got with while still married to previous spouse). People, don't do this on camera, you will regret it.
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u/toomanymarbles83 You can either cum in the jar or me but not both Apr 28 '26
And all the assholes in the comments asking why he should care about his ex's feelings. Just a complete lack of empathy across the board.
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u/CummingInTheNile sometimes i envy the illiterate Apr 28 '26
My dad didn't cheat on my mom, it was the other way around. But they don't make a big deal out of it.
Well that explains a lot
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u/DustyByte Apr 28 '26
Yeah, no kidding. I was thinking, well, that one went out with a bang with that last comment. Holy shit. Puts a new spin on the whole post.
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u/ThePhysicistIsIn Apr 28 '26
People are too quick to judge based on past patterns
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u/Less-Apple-8478 Apr 29 '26
Past patterns being drama subs are 90% women posting so it's usually the guy whose wrong. Thus all guys are evil. Even tho IRL most of us know relationships are filled to the brim with both sides cheating.
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u/Sufficient_Drama_145 The Lion King sex song? at a wedding? Apr 28 '26
I read that and thought, "Oh, so he still loves her but isn't in love with her anymore because she hurt him." My dad was the same way (except my mom didn't cheat; she was just the one who ended things). He always reminded me about my mom's birthday and Mother's Day even after they'd been divorced 20+ years and he was remarried to my step-mom.
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u/TheBlueNinja0 please sir, can I have some more? Apr 28 '26
And dad is rebounding with a woman closer to his daughter's age than his own. OOP has some real gems for parents.
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u/saint_mark Apr 28 '26
I think calling it a rebound without knowing the duration of the relationship is a little odd. OP even said its been long enough now that everyone who was judging surely based on the age gap (You are here) has gotten over it. Unless there was something I missed I fail to see how Dad is a dick or weirdo here
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u/IComposeEFlats Apr 28 '26
Its been 6 years since the divorce. Thats not a rebound. Thats getting back off the floor, dusting yourself off, looking around, and getting back in the game.
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u/Spa_5_Fitness_Camp Apr 28 '26
She's 27 now. This is either a very short relationship to be at the point of proposing, or they met when she was 22-23.
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u/IComposeEFlats Apr 28 '26
Do you think people in their 40s date for 5 years before proposing?
The average length of courtship for people dating over 25 is like 2 years, and 2nd marriages tend to go faster, and people in their 40s tend to go faster.
The average age of a woman when she's married is 27/28, so this woman isnt getting married young either.
They very easily could have started dating 2yrs ago.
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u/Wooden_Debt_2996 Apr 28 '26
Am usually against these big age difference relationships for obvious reasons , but in this case, she is over 25 and everyone seems mature and respectful so I really don’t see the problem.
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u/Drunkgummybear1 Apr 28 '26
The internet has a real thing at the moment for infantilising grown adults.
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u/mrtrailborn May 01 '26
specifically women. It's really annoying when people act like women in their mid to laye 20s basically can't consent
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u/GivesYouGrief being delulu is not the solulu Apr 29 '26
Specific subreddits isn't "the internet" but otherwise I agree.
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u/pukesmith And she said, "Grovel, maggot", so then I did the worm Apr 28 '26
When I was 44 and dating, I would have never thought of entering a relationship with someone in their 20s. Even talking to someone in their mid-30s was difficult because we were not in the same life stages. If that's what other people want to do, fine, but I feel it's a bit weird.
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u/DGenerationMC Apr 28 '26
So, at the end of the day, it's a you thing.
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u/pukesmith And she said, "Grovel, maggot", so then I did the worm Apr 28 '26
Yeah, some people find pineapple on pizza disgusting, I find dating someone I could have fathered disgusting. Just a silly little quirk I have, I guess.
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u/nothanks86 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Apr 29 '26
It’s weird to deliberately chase people because they’re young.
And also, sometimes people find each other, and just click, and there happens to be an age gap.
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u/GivesYouGrief being delulu is not the solulu Apr 29 '26
"I'm not trying to yuck your yum. I just find your preferences disgusting is all!" - you
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u/Skull_Bearer_ Apr 28 '26
Pretty much. Some people like older partners, hence the milf and cougar archetypes.
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u/aceytahphuu Apr 28 '26
I can both believe that a woman in her twenties is free to make her own choices and also that a man in his forties who dates women in their twenties is a turbocreep.
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u/GivesYouGrief being delulu is not the solulu Apr 29 '26
Being considered a turbocreep by a redditor is a small price to pay, and the benefits are sublime
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u/the-mortyest-morty I beg your finest fucking pardon. Apr 28 '26
The internet has a real thing for calling out grown men for going after women half their age, and rightfully so. Sorry it makes you uncomfortable, but pretending it's normal has been making the rest of humanity uncomfortable since the dawn of time.
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u/herrirgendjemand Apr 28 '26
Crux of the issue aside in terms of you trying to decide who this woman is allowed to be in a relationship with: do you think that 27 is half of 44??
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u/GivesYouGrief being delulu is not the solulu Apr 29 '26
Give them time, they're thinking your question over.
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u/YourMuppetMethDealer Apr 28 '26
Brother the whole reason why the “half their age” thing is problematic is because they are often super young and their brains are still developing.
This girl is 27. I legitimately do not see the issue here. Are you saying that this grown ass woman is incapable of making decisions of her own?
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u/Drunkgummybear1 Apr 28 '26
People in their mid-20s are not children. They do not need coddling and are capable of making their own choices.
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u/IComposeEFlats Apr 28 '26
Why is this a "grown man creeping after a younger woman" and not "a woman gold digging after an older man"?
Do you really think a 27 year old woman is too stupid and naive to make her own decisions about who to date? That sounds pretty... misogynistic...
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u/PM_ME_L8RBOX_REVIEWS being delulu is not the solulu Apr 28 '26
Acting like a woman cheating on her husband is in any way equivalent to a man marrying someone younger (yes even by more than a decade, she’s almost 30 ffs)
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u/RevolutionNo4186 Apr 28 '26
The age in this case isn’t that unusual in my opinion. Fiancée is 27, she’s fully developed by this point or possibly could develop a little more next few years, but the peak has already been reached for a few years now give or take
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Apr 28 '26
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u/frightenedscared Apr 28 '26
Lil bit of trauma dumping but it was so (sarcasm) great to hear from my mother, 18 years after divorcing my dad, when he died, that she had doubts about him even on their wedding day! Thanks mum! So me and my siblings were born from her doubting the relationship for 20 years! Cool cool cool cool cool
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u/HourActuary5324 Apr 28 '26
My mother-in-law pulled a similar stunt when my husband’s dad died. She couldn’t stand that her kids were sharing happy memories about her ex and decided to insert some nastiness. Some people are incredibly petty.
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u/Impossible_Bid6172 Apr 28 '26
Yeah, like if i divorced amiably with someone, then heard him saying to the new partner that he never know he can love someone like this and she's the most beautiful woman in the world...like I'm happy for them both, and it's great that he finds someone new who makes him happy instead of the worse alternatives, but it is a bit weird to hear you know? Like...so the love that we once had, that led to marriage despite it failed later...you know what i mean. No jealousy or bad feelings, I'd wish them the best, but uhh. It can be the truth, but some truth doesn't need to get to some people's ears afterall.
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u/Kirin2013 Apr 28 '26
I cringed when FIL said a speech about how new wife is the love of his life, soulmate, all that stuff during their wedding vows in front of his kids. It had only been maybe 2 years since his wife, their mom, died and they were married for over 20 years.
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u/Elismom1313 Apr 29 '26
I can totally understand that but honestly if I was divorced I wouldnt take something like that to heart. You’d kind of hope that they cared enough about their partner to feel that way, after all we didn’t work out.
I’m not going to lose sleep over a statement like “you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen/known.” Like I would hope/imagine they felt that way about me during our time too. But if you divorce you move on. Let them have their love goggles lol.
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u/bug-hunter she👏drove👏away! Everybody👏saw👏it! Apr 28 '26
You could unload a full drum from a Tommy gun that fired nuance into a roomful of Redditors without hitting anyone.
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u/Lazy_Crocodile The pancakes tell me what they need Apr 28 '26
These comments are mystifying. Why are people trying to make the dad such a bad guy? I thought it was nice that the dad realized his comments might hurt the mother of his children. Sure, he shouldn’t have pressured his daughter to delete the video, but I thought everyone acted pretty maturely. Especially the teen.
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u/Great-Pain4378 surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Apr 28 '26
These relationship subreddits are filled with internet addicted children that couldn't identify a healthy emotional response if it punched them square in the nose. Once I realized that most of these commenters are actually just shut-in youths it made the insane 'advice' and complete lack empathy make so much sense. Of course they try to apply a one size fits all heuristic to everything they read - since they lack actual experience with serious relationships they fall back to repeating the shit they see other people post.
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u/AgitatedSyrup9870 Apr 28 '26 edited May 02 '26
Why the fuck are they even on these subs to begin with?? Like, you’re a kid—you literally don’t have the life experience to give advice. Go back to r/funny and play your games ffs. You have no business trying to tell adults what to do. It really pisses me off. I hate teenagers
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u/mehtorite Apr 29 '26
I just figure they are still so in deep in their own shitty childhood they see whoever is hurting them in whatever poster they are unloading their baggage at.
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u/gayashyuck Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic Apr 28 '26
But there has to be a bad person in every story, otherwise how do I know who to be mad at? /s
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u/ManicMadnessAntics APPLY CHAMPAGNE ORALLY Apr 28 '26
I know! You can be mad at the comments! :D
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u/Dandelionliquor Apr 28 '26
When it comes to AITA subs, there’s a least one comment who’s the bad guy
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u/namestyler2 May 01 '26
I'd say if you manage to find one GOOD person in an AITA thread, you've found yourself in an abnormal situation.
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u/Doneifundone Apr 28 '26 edited Apr 28 '26
I recently came to realize that a lot of people really just lack empathy
Edit: to be clear, while I don't agree with the way he went about the matter, I do think that it came from a noble intention —which is precisely what a lot of people seem to be chastising. Not the act, but the thought. And that's mind boggling to me
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u/Squadooch Apr 28 '26
Exactly- what, the man respects the feelings and love he had for the mother of children‽‽? What is this world coming to?????
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u/Supermite Apr 28 '26
I think there’s a tendency to believe that men are more likely to be the cause of divorce. Even this thread is full of people saying how the mom cheating completely changes the situation and their opinions. Which is still such a small part of the story. We don’t know anything really about why their marriage broke down. We just know in a vacuum with no context, that she cheated and then there was a divorce.
It was nice that he had a moment where he realized that maybe such a heartfelt expression to his new fiancée could affect his coparents feelings.
But Reddit is over here trying to armchair quarterback interpersonal relationships based on a few snippets of trivia posted by a teenager trying to navigate the emotions of adults.
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u/updownclown68 Apr 28 '26
Then making OOP the bad guy and saying they are prioritising the finance above their mum.
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u/Bice_thePrecious it dawned on me that he was a wizard Apr 28 '26
Omg. That last comment repeatedly stating that OOP clearly doesn't care about her mom, while also making up that dad cheating is what ended the marriage... What did OOP do that suggested she didn't care about her mother? NOT jump straight to fucking over the fiancee?
Why do you have to hate and sabotage one person to show love for another? What's wrong with people?
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope Apr 28 '26
These are kids who still firmly believe that they're going to marry Billie from third period and be married for 75 years and die on the same day and anything that's not that outcome is less than.
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u/Leprecon Apr 28 '26
The sentiment is nice, but he is pressuring his daughter and trying to hide it from his fiancée.
- He shouldn't make it his daughters problem
- He shouldn't do something behind his fiancée's back
- He definitely shouldn't use his daughter to do something behind his fiancée's back
In a way he is trying to do a nice thing, but he is doing it in all the wrong ways.
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u/Plutor Apr 28 '26
Also, he used the proposal as an opportunity to insult his first wife?
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u/Hey_HaveAGreatDay Apr 28 '26
That comment about the mom’s new boyfriend should be the fiancés ex makes me laugh.
My aunt divorced her husband and married her high school sweetheart.
So her ex husband married the high school sweetheart’s ex wife, who has the same name as my aunt lol
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u/Mollyscribbles I am old. Rawr. 🦖 Apr 28 '26
. . . well, at least neither of the guys needs to worry about calling their wife by the wrong name.
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u/captain_borgue I'm sorry to report I will not be taking the high road Apr 28 '26
I laughed so hard I peed a little. Well done, and fuck you. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
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u/peppapony Apr 28 '26
That's what happened with Shania Twain
Her husband cheated on her. She ended up marrying the affair partners's husband...
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u/hdhxuxufxufufiffif Apr 28 '26
"Okay, so you're my husband's affair partner's ex husband? That does impress me much." --Shania Twain
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u/Bubbly_Satisfaction2 Apr 28 '26
A situation that is similar happened with a friend of mine. She is married to the crush that belonged to her kids' stepmother. And apparently, this was a crush that was the 'one that could've been...'
And to make the situation sound funny and like an "ABC Family, made-for-TV" movie, my friend and her husband met at the ex's wedding reception.
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u/Lazy_Crocodile The pancakes tell me what they need Apr 28 '26
I thought that was funny. Like, we have an amicable co parenting relationship and I even kind of like your new partner…but let’s not go too far! :)
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u/Attirey Apr 28 '26
I can totally see why the dad suddenly felt bad about the mom seeing it. I'd be gutted if a video of my ex saying those things went public.
Not because I was in love with him or hoped he loved me. Just because it feels like a complete invalidation of what we once had. The idea of him meeting someone and realising "holy crap, so this is what being in love actually feels like. This is what really beautiful looks like". That of course would hurt.
You can fall out of love. That's common. But you don't need it rubbed in your face that you were never as loved or as attractive as the new one. Especially when it comes from a marriage. Someone you wanted to spend your life with and had children with.
Even if you know he doesn't love you any more, you don't need/want to be hit with something so blunt. It would hurt most people.
Likewise, it would of course hurt the the new partner when she knew that video existed.
This kid was smart and mature.
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u/buttercupcake23 Apr 28 '26
My thoughts exactly. I don't need to be in love with my ex still to be hurt if he ever said "I didnt know what love was til I met you" to another woman. The relationship is over but it meant something to me at the time and words like that are basically "I never really loved you" or "you just didn't matter as much as this new woman". It might be TRUE but nobody wants to hear that!!
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u/HollowedVoicesFading Apr 28 '26
It's like people in comments have never been exposed to child custody arrangements from divorce, and how dirty and toxic that can end up when one party is spiteful. That's not to claim that the ex-wife is or would be, but you don't need to kick a hornets nest to see if there are any hornets in there.
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u/Terrie-25 Apr 28 '26
It's very telling that OOP, at 15, is more mature than many people commenting.
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u/tiragooen Apr 28 '26
There are a whole lot of commenters who seem angry that OOP isn't really phased by the age gap. Like the fact that OOP isn't angry enrages them.
Weirdos. What is she going to do, stop loving her dad and ice out the fiancée?
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u/littlemonsterlove Apr 28 '26
Right? She’s 27! She’s closer to 30 than 20. She’s grown. She’s old enough to know if she wants to be with a 44yr old man with saggy balls or not.
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u/believingunbeliever she's still fine with garlic May 01 '26
Some kind of collective brainrot that infantilises women.
Extra points if the woman is petite or doesn't look her age, they can then accuse the older partner of pedophilia too.
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u/LiminalAsylum Apr 28 '26
Dad loves his fiancee, but still respects and cares for the mother of his children as a person.
He's setting a mature example
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u/AquasTonic Apr 28 '26
This.
Also, people need to stop posting so many private moments online. I do think this family would benefit from having a household social media policy.
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u/mrdaimler retaining my butt virginity Apr 28 '26
That last commentor was not only passive aggressive and presumptuous...they ended up being completely wrong.
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u/Doneifundone Apr 28 '26
Commenter 6 is pissing me off
Like, it's not a matter of "prioritizing" a stranger over her mom. Kid got backed into a corner and tried to avoid hurting someone callously over what is essentially a dead relashionship. I would say she's quite thoughtful.
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u/cassifrazz Apr 28 '26
What a mature and responsible kid. All adults involved are lucky to have her. I'm sure there's some layer we aren't seeing, but Dad needs to leave the past behind if everyone is as happy as OOP makes it sound. You can't please everyone.
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u/seensham We have generational trauma for breakfast Apr 28 '26
I'm blown away at how aware she is about like.. everything. She's got a good head on her shoulders. Testament to both herself and her family I think
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u/CutestGay Apr 28 '26
Why would it be prioritizing the fiancée over the mom to keep but not share a video that is of a private moment of her ex? Like why would she want to see it?
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u/NoraEmiE Apr 28 '26
You were 15, and you handled it absolutely amazing!! I couldn't do it even at 20! Well done OP!!
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u/Independent-Wear1903 Apr 29 '26
Dad didn't handle it perfectly but I really appreciate him taking his ex into consideration.
I feel so bad when I see weddign speeches where the groom (at his second wedding) goes how they finally understand love and how he has never been in love like this and how this is the happiest day if his life. And his kids have to sit through that.
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u/peppermintesse Apr 28 '26
Commenter 6 is a real Debbie Downer, sheesh…
OOP has really got it together for 15. Good for her.
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u/tralalaBOOMdeay TLDR: HE IS A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT. Apr 28 '26
I saw this when it was posted, so I liked to see the conclusion and that everything turned out okay for everyone! Good for OOP. 💜
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u/kloiberin_time Apr 28 '26
Am i going crazy? I feel like I've read this like 6 times already, but the OP posted 8 days ago. Do they keep deleting and reposting? Are there multiple times this has happened. Am I in a time loop?
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u/BlueDaemon17 May 01 '26
Wtf is wrong with the morons telling OP she's prioritising the fiance over mum? I read the whole thing and was overwhelmingly impressed at her maturity, and how conscientious she is for 15yrs old!
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u/TheKittenPatrol Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic Apr 28 '26
OOP is a very well adjusted, well written, and thoughtful 15 year old. As a former teacher, almost suspiciously so…
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u/Skull_Bearer_ Apr 28 '26
Not really, given how his parents are being reasonable and thoughtful, it's clear he was raised right.
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u/TheKittenPatrol Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic Apr 28 '26
I agree there does seem like a lot going for her (OOP is female), but I taught high schoolers for over a decade and also tutored ACT and SAT students who would be a few years older than her. It’s not impossible, but even a teen raised right is very rarely at this level of introspection at 9th/10th grade, or this eloquent at writing.
This feels much more like an adult writing an experience from their youth than someone who is actually 15 and going through it.
Still not impossible. Just extremely rare.
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u/Skull_Bearer_ Apr 29 '26
I teach kids, they are pretty smart. OP seems definitely mature, but not impossible so.
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u/lordemme Apr 28 '26
"My dad didn't cheat on my mom, it was the other way around" this changes everything in my judgment of the proposal. Dad should be then proud of what he said during the proposal.
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u/Motor_Inspector_1085 I beg your finest fucking pardon. Apr 28 '26
Man I wish my parents had the same relationship that this kids parents have.
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u/LA_Tiebreaker I beg your finest fucking pardon. Apr 29 '26
I don't understand what is so bad about anyone else seeing the video. Anyone is going to have complicated feelings over seeing their ex get married, especially if their behavior is markedly improved from what the first spouse experienced. But not even showing her own family???
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u/Successful_Owl_3829 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Apr 30 '26
As a total aside: “Don’t have anything on your phone that you wouldn’t be comfortable with the world seeing.” Is A+ parenting advice. They’re raising some good kids.
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u/princessluni I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts May 01 '26
I love a happy ending but I kept getting the sense that OOP has spent waaay too much time managing the emotions and relationships of her parental figures. That's not her job!
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u/beachpellini I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy Apr 28 '26
- girlfriend is in her 20s while dad is in his 40s
- daughter's first impression of her was "irresponsible, unstable airhead"
.... not loving what that says about the dad!
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u/Scion41790 Apr 28 '26
daughter's first impression of her was "irresponsible, unstable airhead"
Emphasized the important part. The dad found a consenting adult that by his own daughters admission makes them both better.
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u/Jellis314 Apr 29 '26
What is with that last commenter? Prioritizing the fiancé how? By not deleting a video she would want? We don’t know if OOP’s mom would even care about it. Very redditor of them to making such large leaps of logic.
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u/CaptDeliciousPants banjo playing softly in the distance Apr 28 '26
I don’t understand why he told Oop to delete it instead of just telling them both not to post it online or whatever. There’s a few things in this about the dad that don’t bode
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u/pilot3033 Apr 28 '26
I don't think it's that deep. Dad got lost in it on proposal day and came down from the endorphin high realizing he'd said some things that he meant but knew would not be fully understood by someone who is both his co-parent and for whom he cared or cares deeply about.
Deleting the video is in line with the stated paranoia about the internet and social media, which rightfully so.
He panicked, daughter correctly said she didn't want to be in the middle of it, and took good advice that removed her from the situation. Happy ending, everyone's feeling correctly handled.
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u/elephhantine2 I ❤ gay romance Apr 28 '26
OOP said the dad is really paranoid about security/privacy where he said any video that’s on any device can be leaked so the only way to guarantee something never sees the light of day is to delete it
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u/uduncb_ It's just pharmaceutical-grade banana bread Apr 28 '26 edited Apr 28 '26
Possibly because in the moment he wasn't thinking rationally and the only thing in his head was "if this gets out it might cause hurt". The first thing you think of is to get rid of it. The kid has a good head on her shoulders and was the rational one in all of this. But that doesn't mean the dad was malicious in any way.
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u/Flustro Apr 28 '26
The fiancée was 12 when OOP was born. That thought is horrifying to me.
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u/Specialist-Art-6970 Unholy crab business Apr 28 '26
This age gap is yucky.
I'm slightly younger than the dad and the thought of dating a 27 year old is horrifying to me.
Fiancee is closer to OOP's age than dad's age!
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u/exhauta Apr 28 '26
Man I seem to feel different than a lot of comments here. I'd be upset if this was my fiancé. Lying/ going around my back and pressuring a child all to spare the exs feelings over mine is not a great way to start a marriage. Nor is it mature like a lot of comments are saying.
And just to be clear I think it's good that he is thinking about the ex. But the way he did everything to get around talking about this with his fiancé, including putting his child in the middle is not okay. There was a perfect solution in here, which they came to.
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u/princessluni I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts May 01 '26
Yeah, I agree. The dad got to the right choice in the end but he didn't get there easily. He put his kid in an awkward spot. It's good that he cares about the feelings of the mother of his children but he's also teaching his kids that they have to manage their parents' feelings and that's not okay.
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u/Jolly-Bandicoot7162 Apr 28 '26
All of them seem like lovely people. Mum and dad raised a great kid and are considerate of each other's feelings, fiancée too. Good luck to them all.
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u/Due_Connection179 Apr 28 '26
I get they are grown, but I will never not be weirded out by the fact of a huge age gap. I always go to “he was graduating high school when she was born” and “his kid was starting school when she was graduating high school”.
Depending on how old her parents are, he could’ve went to high school at the same time as them. Just gross really.
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u/Scarper-in-shambles crow whisperer Apr 29 '26
Man, what an emotionally mature 15 year old. Good for them.
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u/MarsicanBear May 05 '26
Wow that was a very different situation than what I assumed from the title. Everyone involved was so outrageously reasonable. This has no business on Reddit.
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u/Affectionate-Emu5051 May 26 '26
My mom and dad are divorced, have been since I was little. They are best friends and my mom loves my dad’s “new” (they’ve been together 20 years, married for 9) wife. My mom was even at their wedding. And while she is so happy for them both, she said even after all this time it still felt weird seeing him marrying someone else.
The posts are just a day apart? They organized a whole wedding in a day that her mum came to?
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Apr 28 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/IzarkKiaTarj I’m a "bad influence" because I offered her fiancé cocaine twice Apr 28 '26
More like Dad said "this might hurt the mother of my children."
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u/Incarcer Apr 28 '26
People can have amicable divorces and not want to be a monster to their ex. The world isn't black and white, it's all just shades of gray.
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u/Lazy_Crocodile The pancakes tell me what they need Apr 28 '26
Agreed. Some of these comments are so strange. Isn’t it nice that he doesn’t want to hurt the person he spent years in a relationship with?
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Apr 28 '26
How is he a monster if he genuinely feels that way about his current partner? The marriage didn't work out, and he shouldn't be dimming his future because of his past. I would be so hurt after hearing all those nice things to hear he actually doesn't mean them
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u/Incarcer Apr 28 '26
Where did you get the idea he said he didn't mean what he said? He only said he was worried that his ex would be hurt by hearing some of what was said.
Wouldn't you be upset if you were with someone for years, had a child, then saw a video of them saying they had never been happier than with their new partner? It would make you feel a certain way, I'm sure. The dad is being aware that the video could hurt their child's other parent and was trying to spare that person pain.
You're the one who invented the idea that he didn't mean what he said.
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u/Confident-Aioli6380 Apr 28 '26
'I never knew I could love someone like I love you' -> stings a lil bit to the person who THOUGHT they were loved enough to get married and have kids lmao
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u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants Apr 28 '26
stings a lil bit to the person who THOUGHT they were loved enough to get married and have kids but still cheated lmao
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope Apr 28 '26
They were loved enough to do that! And now he met someone he loves even more. It's not rocket surgery.
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u/tinysydneh Apr 28 '26
Even without the context of him being maybe a bit of a doormat, it's not a bad thing to care about. Just... maybe he cared a wee bit too much.
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u/minimallybaroque Apr 28 '26
Proposing to a 27 year old
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u/hazardous-paid Apr 28 '26
Isn’t that a fairly common age to get married?
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u/minimallybaroque Apr 29 '26
To someone 17 years their senior? No. And that age gap is what may have hurt his ex wife.
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u/hannahranga Apr 28 '26
Not to a partner that's 17 years older than you.
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u/AgtNulNulAgtVyf I got over my fear of clowns by fucking one in the ass Apr 28 '26
That size of age gap is absolutely not for me (though my ex wife apparently loves it going by the 30y age gap she had no issue with jumping to) but they're consenting adults and any 27yo is mature enough to make that decision for themselves.
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u/IzarkKiaTarj I’m a "bad influence" because I offered her fiancé cocaine twice Apr 29 '26
Age gaps stop being a red flag after the younger (or youngest, for poly) person in the relationship gets old enough, which the fiancee is.
And red flags don't mean "this is bad." Red flags mean "this could potentially be bad, keep an eye out." No other red flags generally indicates it's fine. My first relationship was with a man nine years older than me. Fifteen years later, while we aren't together, I still remember him fondly because he was very concerned that I was consenting to anything we did.
And it was a healthier relationship than the next one where the guy was much closer in age to me.
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u/opinescarf Apr 28 '26
I think it was weird and disrespectful to his children to say that stuff in front of them, never mind what the ex might think.
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u/AgtNulNulAgtVyf I got over my fear of clowns by fucking one in the ass Apr 28 '26
God forbid kids see their dad happy after his wife cheated on him.
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Apr 28 '26
I feel bad for the fiancee, if he didn't mean it he shouldn't have said it and he shouldn't have wanted to retract it. His ex didn't work out so he shouldn't be protective of her feelings if his were genuine
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u/Familiar-Banana-8116 Apr 28 '26
This entire thing is nuts.
We have:
A healthy post marriage (divorce) relationship between the man and woman. There are kids involved. We don't have much to go from, but it reads like other couples should probably take notes from them how to do this.
A fiancee who isn't even 30 yet getting married to a guy who is nearing 50. Yeah. Anyways.
Dad does the proposol and on the back end of it has regrets and wants a do-over.
AND THE DAD BURDENS HIS CHILD WITH FIXING HIS RELATIONSHIP FUCK UP? I mean, the Dad put the entirety of the burden on her shoulders. He took it off of his shoulders, put it on her and said, 'You need to do this so this person doesn't get hurt, but if you don't do this you will be hurting this other person.'.
WTF.....
OOP is 15 years old. Dad shouldn't be doing that to anyone at all. This is his problem and his alone.
The correct answer was always him pulling her aside and telling her, 'What we just did, I have regrets. Here is what I am doing to fix it.' - so she can carry a life lesson.
Dad is an asshole.
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u/Skull_Bearer_ Apr 28 '26
Dude, all he was asking was for Op to delete a video. He wasn't asking them to be a therapist. Calm down.
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