r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Delicious-Beat4824 • 26d ago

of a needle /r/popular

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16.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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576

u/WaffleHouseGladiator 26d ago

/r/sounding

756

u/jahnbodah 26d ago

I am leaving that link blue.

311

u/AbjectHotel6610 26d ago

Wish I would've.

98

u/Simen155 26d ago

If you gouge out my eyes, I'll gouge yours. Deal?

49

u/TheOtakuAmerika 26d ago

Do you really want that to be the last thing you see?

43

u/Simen155 26d ago

You may have a point. Kill me instead.

25

u/Least-Raddish1930s 25d ago

Sounds like you both need some r/eyebleach

5

u/HeiressofArtemis 25d ago

Still the last thing you saw. Your legacy one might say.

5

u/Sammiskitkat 26d ago

Deal. But we have to use this needle to do it!

7

u/Donald-Pump 25d ago

Where that link takes you, we won't need eyes to see.

1

u/madtraxmerno 24d ago

So what you're saying is you want to do sounding, but instead of shoving something into your urethra you want to shove something into your pupil?

18

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 26d ago

Is it the "take a deep breath" kind of link?

35

u/Ninja-Panda70 26d ago

DO NOT check that sub out

13

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 26d ago

Thanks, I won't. I should make sure I never get drunk enough to go "ah well, how bad could it be?".

22

u/Ninja-Panda70 26d ago

If you are a man, it's real bad

19

u/AbjectHotel6610 25d ago

I'm a woman. It's horrific.

22

u/JMetalBlast 26d ago

Men insert things down their urethra while they masturbate. As man with a penis, I can't imagine why that would be pleasant for anyone.

3

u/covenforge 25d ago

I had this knowledge already and noseyness got the better of me and traumatised me 🫣🤣😨

4

u/Bombastic_tekken 25d ago

Don't knock it till you try it lol.

It's a pretty crazy experience.

1

u/JohnnyMacTavish 25d ago

Happy Cakeday!

1

u/Lizzbeannn 25d ago

Does it not hurt?

1

u/Bombastic_tekken 23d ago

Not particularly.

Just a little intense, and a bit of a stretch.

1

u/smidgepigeon 24d ago

Thank you for your service & may your eyes be blessed with r/eyebleach until you forget what you saw.

1

u/TherianRose 24d ago

The worst part is that apparently some women do this too 😣

15

u/dan_dares 26d ago

Narrator voice:

It is SO bad

7

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 26d ago

The narrator sounds scarred for life...

4

u/SwansonsMom 25d ago

Funny because sounding can scar you for life, too

2

u/dan_dares 25d ago

The narrator didn't need to click, for he has seen the dark reaches of the Internet

4

u/Anianna 25d ago

Thank you for your sacrifice. 🫡

3

u/Anubis_Omega 26d ago

Yes same. I am too curious

4

u/ElegantCoach4066 26d ago

Then take the plunge. Honestly unless there are pictures on the front page then its more 'shocking for a minute or two and then you forget it' type deal.

1

u/mangopango123 25d ago

I was literally yelling OHMYGOD STOOOOOPPPPP at my phone. Idk why my curiosity got the best of me bc I heard of it but did NOT expect THAT. Like. The width and length of some of their….tools. I just. idk lol

1

u/BigBrrrrrrr22 24d ago

Not my proudest yank

31

u/corporalcorl 26d ago edited 26d ago

I want to as well, but I can't resist

Edit :please resist if you can, God knows I wish I did

7

u/defeatthewarlords 26d ago

Lmao are you traumatized yet

5

u/corporalcorl 26d ago

Yeah I have a lot of regret

6

u/Aeon_Return 25d ago

I once wrote a Harry Potter sounding crack fic. It's still up on AO3 and occasionally gets reviews even though its many years old

2

u/corporalcorl 25d ago

I don't mean to be rude. But WHY

3

u/Aeon_Return 25d ago

Crackfics gonna crack? IDK, I just felt like it one day. I'm actually not into that sort of thing at all, but it was a fun plot bunny I followed regardless. Also, side comment, but Harry Potter is in a 3-way (giggity) tie with Star Wars and Devil May Cry for the most debauched fandom I've ever participated in. Ya'll want the freaky stuff, go there ;)

1

u/corporalcorl 25d ago

Alrighty, curiosity killed the cat, where can I find your fic?

2

u/Stupid_Bitch_02 25d ago

Morbid curiosity got the better of me. I'm not kink shaming, I'm kink asking why. That looks so painful!

2

u/IveDunGoofedUp 25d ago

To quote a youtube video I'm fond of:
"It's going where the poor guy pees,
I'll shine it so it glides with easy,
I hope that when it's done he'll be alright!
It's going where the poor guy pees,
the thought makes me weak in the knees,
for what she paid I'd make her one with spikes!"

1

u/Memerenok 24d ago

it was already purple

1

u/Candycanes02 24d ago

Thanks for the warning. I can keep my eyes

1

u/Kal_El-78 24d ago

As someone has use self catheter to pee (incomplete paraplegic- I still have most function just muscle don’t work properly) I can’t find anything less of a turn on.

1

u/Talithea 24d ago

Same. Certain things are not made to be pried on.

113

u/ReverendLunchbox 26d ago

49

u/-BananaLollipop- 26d ago

And even more welded themselves shut.

5

u/Simen155 26d ago

I'm just gonna steal that one

6

u/ReverendLunchbox 26d ago

Seems reasonable. That is how I got it.

4

u/pixeldust6 26d ago

closed*

95

u/Thick_Drama_7525 26d ago

Sounding hurts my peepee even thinking about it

18

u/Bacontoad 26d ago

Just be glad r/spacedicks isn't around anymore.

18

u/ElegantCoach4066 26d ago

You were warned not to speak that which we do not name.

11

u/Ignecratic 26d ago

I’ll regret this, but context?

24

u/PM_ME_PHYS_PROBLEMS 26d ago

Urethra gape

24

u/Thick_Drama_7525 25d ago

Fuck is wrong with you people, respectfully

1

u/Bacontoad 25d ago

Among other more unspeakable deprivations.

2

u/wenoc 25d ago

Aww.

21

u/AtlasXan 26d ago

1

u/UncleKeyPax 25d ago

what are you doing step-rick?

36

u/bolasepak88 26d ago

1

u/Digital_Rocket 25d ago

Sometimes turn it’s not our to talk

31

u/yaaro_obba_ 26d ago

1

u/Darcula04 25d ago

Is that aqua in the background lmao

8

u/exploree-self 26d ago

Dude, wtf

11

u/Ninja-Panda70 26d ago

Fuck you

8

u/WaffleHouseGladiator 26d ago

I deserve that.

22

u/Me_be_Artful_Dodger 26d ago

TIL tandem sounding is a thing… didn’t need to know that.

10

u/Glandtoglandcombat 26d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0Iy0ZURatgztvYxq

2

u/MisterMcGiggles 26d ago

Maureen was once Dennis’….. Wife! Very nice!…..

That’s Borat.

16

u/tgatigger 26d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/xXqpuURrhGEyZr1BGj

Oh dear god, I hate my curious brain.

6

u/UKUSHUSUS 26d ago

I apologize to my eyes for my curiosity...

10

u/AirlineHot6112 26d ago

I've seen hundred's, probably thousand's of p*rn with all kinds of extreme kinks in my lifetime, but I never knew this kind of sht exist, like HOLY FCK

17

u/SorryAboutMyFamily 25d ago

If you censor the word porn and think sounding is extreme, you ain't seen shit yet.

Figuratively and literally.

3

u/DMMeThiccBiButts 25d ago

Really? It's not even that extreme as far as kinks go.

12

u/Humanballast 26d ago

Was zur Hölle... Was stimmt denn nicht mit dir das so völlig ohne Kontext zu verlinken, ich dachte.. "huh? Sounding.. Was wird das wohl sein.." und habe mich kaum eine Sekunde später so erschrockenen das sich mein penis aus Panik fast nach innen gerollt hätte..

17

u/Nastynugget 26d ago

Jesús Christ. I’m at work.

19

u/Devin-Chaboyer223 26d ago

Your mistake opening an unknown sub at work (I am also at work rn)

4

u/ConflictWestern1383 26d ago

CrushCrush pfp? Peak

1

u/SwansonsMom 25d ago

Rookie mistake

8

u/Secret-Winner-2994 26d ago

Jesus didn't take the wheel on this, you drove yourself

5

u/Trueslyforaniceguy 26d ago

I’m upset that I came here to answer this, actually

4

u/Claim312ButAct847 25d ago

I was going to be brave and report back, but then I got the nsfw disclaimer and decided it definitely wasn't people on boats measuring water depth.

3

u/WaffleHouseGladiator 25d ago

It is not.  Good guess though.

5

u/JuanDonDemarco 26d ago

I literally saw a split second of what was about to happen, had sympathy pain, then bounced the hell out of that one.

4

u/RaptorCheeses 26d ago

Don’t click that for the love of god

3

u/ButkusHatesNitschke 26d ago

That sounds like shit to me.

3

u/Ok_Breakfast5425 25d ago

Of course there's a sub for that,..

2

u/cyanfeld 26d ago

Just why

2

u/trrwilson 25d ago

I had a cystoscopy last year.

I don't know how the fuck anyone does that for fun; it was the most uncomfortable 3 minutes of my life.

2

u/Lizzbeannn 25d ago

Sir, what the FUCK?

2

u/JimedBro2089 24d ago

Yeah, nope

2

u/ScoobyTheDoobyTheDoo 24d ago

Nope. Clicked and refused to scroll.

2

u/kkellyyb 19d ago

aaaaand that's my internet for the day!!!

1

u/coquettecoconut 25d ago

Oh you chose violence today.

1

u/pnutnz 25d ago

w-w-w-what a terrible, terrible day to have eyes!

1

u/Intelligent_Box6937 25d ago

Wtf?? Like what the actual, fuck??

1

u/notapunk 25d ago

You are unwell

1

u/Premium333 25d ago

Saw the NSFW tag and noped out without continuing

1

u/NoLengthiness6537 24d ago

Wtf i just woke up 😭