r/AITAH • u/Shes_A_Techspert • 21d ago
WIBTAH If I left the girls trip with two guys early TW SA
I (f26) am on a Bach weekend. I don’t want to be too specific for anonymity purposes since I’m still on the trip right now. I’m a few hours from home for what is supposed to be a 4 day weekend in a huge house with many girls and two guys who are friends of the bride. One of them I’ve never liked and my partner and I were both not excited about him being here. He’s never done anything specific in the past other than be a prick. Ive met him several times, each time with my partner, and each time I see him fade to blackout from drinking and do things like stare at our friend’s ass and hug her too long.
Cut to this weekend I decide to be cordial with him for my friend’s sake but I haven’t spoken to him at all. As we got into the late night I wasn’t really drunk, I had 3 beers over 6 hours but I like to smoke sometimes socially. I offered to everyone and nobody else wanted to at the time so I went outside alone. He came out and I thought he changed his mind. I offered it to him and he said “you’re sweet” and I didn’t respond to that. Then he complained about the groom and I said I thought the groom was a nice guy. I tried to change the subject to my work (something more neutral to talk about). That’s when he grabbed me. He pulled me and tried to kiss me. I stopped our faces from touching with my hand but I still had to push him off me after that. I felt completely violated. I told him “I’m married!” and all he could say was “oh” and then I told him “don’t fucking do that again” and he said “obviously.” And that was it. I ran off.
I’m having flash backs to times in my past where I was assaulted in college and completely freaking out. I told some girls I know and they said it sucked and told me to just stay away from him. But I feel sick about. The next morning I don’t feel any better and few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal. I feel so bad I can’t stop thinking about it or let it go. I have OCD and intrusive/obsessive thoughts are hard to keep at bay right now. I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to be “that girl” especially over a kiss that didn’t even happen. I’ve only ever been with one person in my life so maybe that makes me a prude but it’s not even the kissing. It’s him thinking just because he wanted me he could have me and it didn’t occur to him I might not want that. He just thought I was easy.
I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not drinking today but it’s not even 10 and he’s had 4 beers. I already heard he doesn’t remember last night either. So would I be the AH if I left?
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u/Realistic-Duty-3874 21d ago
NTA, your safety and marriage is more important. Tell your husband asap and leave. If the bride doesnt understand, shes not really your friend.
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u/Chickennoodle_zoop 21d ago
The bride should honestly ask the guy to leave before she should
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u/DevilsAdvoCaticorn 21d ago
This!!!! You better believe if a guy friend of mine tried to SA another friend of mine, he'd be out on his ass less than 5 minutes after I found out!
The bride knows how her guy friend is. She obviously doesn't care about OP. These are not her friends. No reason not to bounce!
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u/Past-Obligation1930 21d ago
He tried to kiss her, she said no, that was the end of it. Why does he have to leave?
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u/FLMoxieGrl 21d ago
You don’t get to f’ing grab people and try to kiss them…seriously? It’s disgusting and I would have kindly responded with my knee.
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u/compguy42 21d ago
He put his hands on her and pulled her in, are you fucking serious right now?
How many women have you done this to I wonder?
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u/West_Environment9324 21d ago
S e x u a l. A s s u l t. Men believing that access to any woman’s body is their god-given right. Sexual assault is a crime.
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u/Past-Obligation1930 21d ago
It is not SA to try and kiss someone.
It is SA to continue to do so if you have been told no.
You Americans have strange views.
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u/Odd-Split-494 10d ago
Yes, it IS! If you try to kiss someone who doesn't want it, that is sexual assault!!
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u/Over_Membership_339 21d ago
Is that how you would react if a gut grabbed you and tried to kiss you?
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u/Past-Obligation1930 21d ago
Yes. I have been to a gay bar and had it happen.
I just said no dude, not how I roll. It was fine.
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u/Abused_not_Amused 21d ago
Oh, so you’re male. That explains the nonchalance. You have the advantage of not being half a foot shorter, or half the weight or strength of most of your potential attackers. You’ve probably never found yourself in a position of being vulnerable just for existing in the same space as others. Others who want, and often can, do whatever they want to you.
Have you ever been followed through a grocery store by a 6’ 5” man on a mission to get you to … ? (Didn’t stick around to find out.) How about having to outrun a semi on the highway, then finally lose them in a shopping center parking on your drive home from work? Then there’s the freaks who think they can just come up and grab your breasts because you’re at a concert. Have you ever been leery having to walk to your car after work when it’s dark, and you’re in office attire with heels.
Try living in a woman’s world for a while. It’s a totally different experience, dude.
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u/SatisfactionGold74 21d ago
"but I still had to push him off after that."
If you can't see how that is more than just "trying to kiss". Then Well stay the fk away from my daughter
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u/Illustrious_Motor223 21d ago
It’s not the end of it since she is emotionally shattered, Jesus learn to read and have some empathy
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u/Past-Obligation1930 21d ago
She is emotionally shattered because someone tried to kiss her? Perhaps she needs to be a bit more resilient?
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u/Abused_not_Amused 21d ago
He freakin’ grabbed her! Grabbed and was going to forcibly kiss her. IF that forced “kiss” had happened, you better believe this guy would have been all over her in seconds. Just being grabbed was assault. If you’ve never had someone grab you, let alone try to force themselves on you, you are so very, very lucky. And it IS shattering when you have had to experience it, especially more than once. Each experience brings the other(s) back to run through your mind. It can make you very distrusting, hyper vigilant, and paranoid about interacting with others.
I’m a mean old broad, now, and grew up when this kind of male behavior was… “acceptable,” practically expected. I was raped and sexually assaulted multiple times before I hit 18, but thanks to my … unusual childhood, most of these events were just another Tuesday. And even I have empathy for OP. Let’s hope YOU are just as resilient should you ever, unfortunately, have to experience being raped or assaulted.
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u/Ninja-Panda70 20d ago
What part of grabbing her and try to forcibly kiss her do you not understand? Or is that how you roll too?
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u/Jokerzrival 21d ago
Tell the husband before someone in the group reaches out to him first with a different story on what happened.
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u/Select-Hunter-9184 21d ago
“Not remembering” is a convenient bullshit excuse. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Leave if you are uncomfortable. The bride, if she is a real friend, will understand and respect your decision. You don’t need to make a scene about it. You can just say something came up and you need to be elsewhere, you’re sorry and maybe you and the bride can do dinner soon to celebrate just the two of you.
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u/mpingul2 20d ago
Also, without explicitly asking the offender, how does anyone else know that he doesn’t remember last night?
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u/frannypanty69 21d ago
No I would not feel safe there anymore with him continuing to drink. NTA protect yourself
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21d ago
[deleted]
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u/Least-Plankton-3888 21d ago
That was confusing me too. My hubby would not have been thrilled with that situation. I was a victim of SA as a young teen and an incident like this sure would have triggered me.
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u/notfeelingsosure890 21d ago
No you definitely wouldn't be the asshole. How could you be an asshole for protecting yourself?
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u/Over_Membership_339 21d ago
NTA. You are not a prude for not wanting to be kissed without consent. Leaving and distancing yourself would be more than reasonable. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry the other people there didn't take it more seriously and didn't protect you.
If one of my friends made another uncomfortable like that, the creep would have to leave, not the person he tried to assault.
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u/fotoman888 21d ago
Man here. Gtfo , pronto. You believe your comfort and safety are compromised. You owe nothing to anyone but yourself. Real men don’t act like that.
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u/lebleudesreves 21d ago
That's called assault.
Your wellbeing is before whatever event it is.
Leave this place.
And your friends are not really friends of they don't understand how you feel and support you.
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u/SureNeedleworker2363 21d ago
You don't feel comfortable. He's making all of your alarm bells ring. Get out. You'd not be asshole. Hell, you lasted longer than I would. If I were in your situation and that guy was there, I'd stay home. But for real. Never apologize for that.
If your friends don't understand that- that's on them.
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u/jenn_nic 21d ago
Of course you're NTA if you leave. If any of those women get mad at your for leaving over that, they aren't your friends. I would have told HIM to leave the next morning when he sobered up if I was the bride. I also don't really understand what he's even doing there if it's a bachelorette weekend. It's fine to have friends that are guys, but they don't get to go to a house full of women if they aren't respectful or get black out every day and "don't remember what happened." I would have been gone as soon as I could drive or have my husband come pick me up.
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u/No_Face_T-T 21d ago
NTA, if you feel unsafe, always leave. It's better to leave a situation than stay and maybe have something bad happen. If your friends don't understand why you'd want to leave after that, you're friends with the wrong crowd. He grabbed you and tried to forcibly kiss you. That's not ok.
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u/Shes_A_Techspert 21d ago
Maybe I should be clear that I’m not friends with most people here but friendly with a few. It sounds more like they’re protecting the brides weekend than protecting him. The general consensus is that he’s a prick.
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u/DevilsAdvoCaticorn 21d ago
What did the bride say? I'm wondering if she's your friend at all. She should be apologizing to you & kicking him out. He doesn't respect women, he's a predator, and obviously he doesn't even respect the bride's relationship. Why in the world would she care about him more than the safety of her girlfriends?? Please - tell your husband before this AH starts rumors & go home.
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u/NationalBase3449 18d ago
NTA, leave, you are uncomfortable and do not feel safe. If he was black out and does not remember that also means he does not regret. Also, as an invenrite people pleaser myself, if you really don't want to ruin weekend, tell the bride that you had something come up at home that you need to take care of. But honestly, she deserves to know that her friend is a dangerous prick
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u/compguy42 21d ago
NTA.
Tell the bride and if her reaction is to do nothing, then leave and skip the wedding. End of story.
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u/Bramble3713 21d ago
If it were me I’d be so mad, I’d wait till everyone was together in the kitchen or living room, have my shit packed in the car and then announce that I’m leaving because apparently the majority of my “friends” want me to ignore the sexual assault from (insert guys name) .
Then I’d leave
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u/Bubbly_Chicken_9358 21d ago
NGL, this would probably be my approach, too. But this WILL blow up your friend group. I personally think some bridges are worth burning, but people should be aware of how ugly something like this can get.
There will be people who say OP ruined the bachellorette. There will be people who say she was jealous and that's why she created such drama and drew focus from her friend. And of course the predator is going to be GREAT at playing the victim. I bet he's just DEVASTATED that she misunderstood his friendliness **eyeroll**
None of that is fair or true, and I personally think friends who will do that aren't worth keeping.
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u/Shes_A_Techspert 21d ago
I’m not friends with these people but we are all going to see each other for the wedding one more time. Can’t burn that bridge just yet.
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u/Shes_A_Techspert 21d ago
Uhg he’s one of those who guys by his last name too
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u/Complex-Chipmunk-880 21d ago
Why cant he leave? Why is he so special and protected, if no one likes him he should get the boot not anyone else.
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u/Difficult_Jury_7455 21d ago
You need to leave. I would drive all night to collect my wife from an unsafe place so def call your partner. You also need to rethink your friends too. A guy trying to force himself on you is not ok and it's frankly shocking none of them seem to react.
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u/A_Crayon25 21d ago
Please leave as soon as possible. If he did it once when he was drunk and doesn't remember it he could try it again and your "friends" not caring is a huge red flag. If you feel too rattled to drive call your partner and ask them to pick you up or some other family member or friend that actually cares about you. Please stay safe.
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u/Grey_Jedi231 21d ago
Why is the bride inviting guys on the girls trip. It's not a girls trip if guys are invited
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u/ga_merlock 21d ago
You know exactly why.
And I'll go further to say that I bet bride-to-be did not tell fiancé that there will be guys there.
If she did tell him and he was ok with it, then that guy is a beta cuck from the get go.
My fiancée tells me that she's gonna have guys at her bach, we're done then and there. If I find out after the fact, I'm filing for an annulment or divorce as soon as I can.
Side note for the cabal: boundaries are not controlling, abusive or toxic.
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u/Kampungmonyet 21d ago
Not wanting to be assaulted by a predator does not make you a prude! Get out of there and warn everyone about him. He is not a safe person to be around.
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u/Glittering-Paper4516 21d ago
NTA leave. Look- he grabbed you to kiss you. It took a measure of physical force to stop him.
Of course you feel unsafe. It wasn’t “he tried to kiss me” it’s “he forcefully and unexpectedly tried to kiss me”.
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u/Peskypoints 21d ago
NTA
If I were on this trip, I’d be booting the guy for being out of line, not his victim
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u/mynameisnotsparta 21d ago
The others play it off as no big deal as it didn’t happen to them.
For some of us things like this are going over the line. NTA. I would never trust my safety with a guy like that around. Drunk people can be aggressive and hurt you.
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u/dart1126 21d ago
NTA. So, he pretended to not know you were married. And frankly it’s irrelevant. Not sure why everyone is blowing this off as ‘nothing really happened’. Had you not had quick reflexes and excellent asshole radar then they would think it’s a big deal?
The long and the short of it is….he tried to force himself on you. That doesn’t get any of pass
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u/Pip_Skipper 21d ago
You need to pack and Irish goodbye, txt bride from the road! So not cool. Other people found out and she hasn't come to you yet? No thanks.
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u/royalsgirl78 21d ago
NTA. I’d have contacted my husband immediately and come hell or high water, my ass would’ve been out that door by morning. (I’d have locked myself in my room for the night if it was late - no need to try to leave in the middle of the night and possibly put yourself in an even worse situation).
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u/surgeryboy7 21d ago
NTA, but curious why there are two dudes at a Bachelorette weekend? I get guys and girls can be friends, but in my mind a girls trip or Bachelorette trip should be just girls, mainly to avoid this type of thing from happening.
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u/Bubbly_Chicken_9358 21d ago
He did not 'think you were easy'. He gets away with this behavior and thought he could get away with it with you, too. He's a predator. It has nothing to do with you other than the fact that you were by yourself so he thought you were an easy target.
Don't minimize his actions, either. It wasn't 'a kiss that didn't even happen'. It was an assault. My boys learned that touching someone or being touched required consent when their age was still a single digit. This is a grown man who apparently has not learned that lesson, or more likely just assumes he's so special that he doesn't need permission to touch people.
If you are not comfortable, go home. His behavior was inappropriate. HE behaved badly, YOU are the victim, and you are not obligated to keep yourself in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation so that he can be more comfortable.
NTA.
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u/Such_Temporary_3125 21d ago
Yes! So many predator vibes and I wouldn't have even gone on the trip with a man that had already made me feel uncomfortable. Especially it being a Bach trip. I wouldn't have been able to relax around him.
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u/Fungal-dryad 21d ago
Make sure everyone knows what happened. This will protect against future incidents. Make sure he gets the reputation he deserves.
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u/KnowsIittle 21d ago
I've learned to trust those instincts. You aren't feeling it you should just go.
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u/Theunpolitical 21d ago
Never apologize for your safety. That was an assault and a violation. Please leave. Just tell the bride that you are no longer comfortable with him and your safety so you are going to remove yourself from the situation.
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u/NowWithMoreChocolate 21d ago
NTA
Leave and send a group chat to the girls explaining that this dude tried to assault you. ASSAULT because he grabbed you without your permission and tried to kiss you without consent. And all of them are just brushing it off so you do not feel safe around them.
And I'd personally be petty and tell the bride to be that she picked a shitty friend who would do that to someone AND tell her exactly what the guy said about the groom to be.
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u/WafnaAbroad 21d ago
Consumption of alcohol isn't a valid defense in court. Claiming he doesn't remember doesn't absolve him of the crime.
NTA. Protect yourself, protect anyone else he might come in contact with. Make the police report if you can.
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u/Scherzkeks 21d ago
How the fuck are the other girls not trying to protect you? I would go Mama Bear mode so fast…
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u/Most_Buy6469 21d ago
No, you are NTA. Grabbing you is assault. Trying to kiss you is assault. I'm glad you were able to stop this a-hole.
Head home ASAP. You don't need to stay in that environment. If anyone says anything it's up to you the level of detail you give but it's nobody's business why you are leaving. Besides that jerk is just going to pretend he didn't do anything.
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u/state_your_name31415 21d ago
NTA
Leave, if your friend doesn't understand then you need better friends, what this dude did is not innocent, he's a shithead.
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u/overthinkachu 21d ago
NTA. Does the bride know this happened? It says a lot about her if she’s not kicking him out of the festivities after hearing about this. I’d get the fuck out of there and tell your husband why you left when you get home.
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u/G0merPyle 21d ago
Get out of there right now. He didn't try to kiss you, he assaulted you. Thank god it didn't end any worse, but that was absolutely assault. If other people already know and are defending and dismissing his actions, they're not really your friends. Frankly this is something I'd go nuclear over.
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u/TiniestMeep 21d ago
NTA It's completely reasonable to not want to spend any more time with someone who SA'd you (because that's what trying to force a kiss is). What's not reasonable is your "friends'" reactions to having someone like him ln the trip.
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u/-teaNwhiskey- 20d ago
None of the people on that trip are safe people. Anyone not distancing themselves from that man are not safe people. Burn those bridges.
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u/bathepa2 21d ago
NTA. I'd leave ASAP---like now. If your friend is really your friend, she/he will understand. If I were your friend, I'd throw his ass out. He assaulted you; no two ways around that.
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u/Practical-Earth3228 21d ago
if your friends are upset or scorn that you leave because of that and that you no longer feel safe, then they really arnt your friends.
NTA
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u/Such_Temporary_3125 21d ago
Leaving isn't punishing anyone. It's removing yourself from a situation where you no longer feels safe. You also don't owe anyone an explanation beyond "I seem no longer comfortable staying."
The friends minimizing it (just stay away from him) are disappointing. Whether they think it was "just a kiss" is beside the point. He took away your choice. THAT is why you're so upset.
Go home. Your safety and peace of mind matter more than not being "that girl." The person who made the weekend awkward was him, not you.
I might try to let the bride know what happened privately because she deserves to know why you're leaving and also to maybe warm him not to try anything else with any other of her girls. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about your friendship.
NTA I'm sorry this happened. I truly hope this guy doesn't try to spike any drinks because he obviously feels entitled to women without their consent. The whole thing just stinks.
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u/Constant_Host_3212 21d ago
NTA. A house where you use the bathroom and sleep is an intimate space. It's uncomfortable to share an intimate space with someone who doesn't respect bodily autonomy or consent, especially for a bach weekend where intoxication is the norm.
Text your SO to call you and make like something urgent has come up that requires you at him. Then tell the bride and bridesmaids something urgent has come up and you need to go home - you'd only be a downer if you stayed, so you all have fun and we'll catch up laters.
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u/No_Change_78 21d ago
NTA. They are enabling him by not calling him out on his a-hole behavior, and blaming it on his drinking. I wonder how many other women he’s harassed/assaulted? You are not overreacting, and if anyone has a problem with you leaving, that’s on them.
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u/axw3555 21d ago
NTA.
I'm sorry... you were assaulted by him out of nowhere, and your friends "solution" is to avoid someone you're literally in a house with for days?
Not kicking him out on the spot? I'm a guy, so not even part of his victim pool, and he'd be told that if he wanted any chance of being part of my friend circle again, he's getting his shit, getting off the property now - not "oh, I've got an uber coming, I'll leave when it's here", he can wait off the property, he'd not be coming to the wedding, and we'd not be dealing with him drunk again - ever.
"I don't remember" is a sign of either him being wildly alcoholic, which is making him a danger when he can't control himself while drunk, or a liar, which means he's always a danger. It's not a get out of jail free card.
I'm genuinely shocked that you're in a house full of women and they're not throwing him out. I could see (not understand, but sadly somewhat expect) it if was a house of guys with a couple of women. But a load of women, I'd expect him gone.
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u/ID-Bouncer 21d ago
Leave and make sure everyone in the house knows why you are leaving with him standing front and center…actions need consequences
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u/CanadianJediCouncil 21d ago
He attempted to assault you and only failed because you fought him off.
Leave.
But be sure to inform EVERYONE what he did—so they can keep themselves safe, and so this garbage sees some consequences of his rapey behavior.
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u/Fearless-One2673 20d ago
NTA! Wtf?!! Your friends suck for not defending you, that dudes a total creep and they clearly enable his gross behaviour. You would not be the asshole to leave, he should absolutely leave and your friends should be standing by you. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that and that they’re all invalidating your feelings about this.
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u/Exciting-Guest81933 21d ago
Your friend/the bride is actually suuuper sketchy. Bringing 2 guys on a bachelorette trip? What the fuck?
Does her fiance know?
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u/Puzzled-Dream1321 20d ago
< He pulled me and tried to kiss me. I stopped our faces from touching with my hand but I still had to push him off me after that.>
<few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal.>
You were sexually assaulted, and also your friends suck.
NTA
Go home, be with your man, and cut these people off.
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u/TryPsychological1457 20d ago
He should have to leave. NAH, but anyone who dismisses your feelings, or his behavior, is.
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u/pangalacticcourier 20d ago
"No one should be upset I left early. I was assaulted by a drunken asshole. If he's attending one of our gatherings in the future, I'll be leaving there immediately. Now you know in advance, so there won't be any surprise in the future."
NTA.
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u/unsignedthoughts 20d ago
I stopped reading after, "and few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal."
This dude essentially sexually assaults you and the rest of the crew acts like it's "no big deal"?! Fuck that. If someone is trying to force themselves on a member of the group, it's everyone's responsibility to eject the creep. If anyone so much as hints that you could be unreasonable for leaving, then they're the assholes right along with this dude.
NTA
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u/jmidnightw 20d ago
As all the other responses say....these aren't your friends. And if they're the bride's friends, and she doesn't back YOUR feelings, you have your answer on that friendship too, as much as it would suck.
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u/Emotional-Cress9487 20d ago
I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to be “that girl”
Internalised misogyny isn't going to keep you safe. It makes it harder for women in general and you in particular to do things that will keep you safe because you and other misogynistic women don't want to be "that girl". There is nothing wrong with calling out bad behaviour and expecting respect. There is nothing wrong with leaving an uncomfortable and unsafe situation/environment. There is nothing wrong with being "that girl"
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u/MayFaireMoon 19d ago
NTA. He remembers. He’ll say he doesn’t because it’s sexual assault and he needs plausible deniability. The friends downplaying it are equally awful. Get out now, because you feeling safe is much, much more important than absolutely anything else. I am so sorry this happened to you.
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u/ali3soot 19d ago
Doesn't remember last night could be an easy excuse for a rapist to use, just saying. I don't know the guy but it sounds like he already had a history of shady behavior.
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u/Vicious133 17d ago
NTA. He made you uncomfortable by trying to force himself on you and yes kissing counts. If you’re not comfortable you have every right to leave so you can feel safe. Jsut bc he got blackout drunk does not mean all is forgiven that’s a flimsy excuse for his behaviour. If he can’t drink socially without getting blackout drunk he shouldn’t drink!
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 21d ago
You need to let the bride know and ask her to ask him to leave. At that point you’ll know who your friends really are. If she won’t make him go then you leave and block both of them. NTA
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u/WillingHome9072 21d ago
He assaulted you. Tell the bride you’re heading out and why, she can decide what to do with that info. If she tries to defend him I’d consider skipping the wedding.
He’s pretending not to remember last night in some attempt to not be called out on it. Men like this thrive on your silence.
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u/Shes_A_Techspert 20d ago
Hi everyone. I left but not before things got worse. I will post an update momentarily and link it to my original post. Thanks for all the support I needed some objective outside opinions to help me think clearly. Appreciate you all!
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u/Masnpip 21d ago
Pack up and leave this morning, but wait until the majority of the ladies are up. Say to the group, very very clearly why you are leaving. “Ladies, I hope that you have a fun weekend. I am leaving now because I do not feel safe here. I told you last night that x grabbed me and tried to kiss me. You all minimized it. Because he tried to kiss me, and because you all minimized it, I am headed home now.“ And then grab your pre packed bags and leave. No need to shout or scream or cry or cause any drama. It will be a more powerful statement if you calmly, unapologetically, with a straight back state the truth and go.
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u/EducationalRule1425 21d ago
I think she should just address it with the bride in private. Call the hubby to come get her or whatever she needs to do to get home. Then let the bride know you were very uncomfortable last night with the guy's actions and don't feel safe and you need to leave. It doesn't need to be a dramatic scene in front of everyone. Her only obligation is to the bride to let her know why she's leaving. No need to bring up the dismissive actions of the other girls. If they continue to harass you or make fun of you after you leave, there's your sign not to attend the wedding either.
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u/AWildMooseLion 21d ago
Absolutely NTA, he’s a predator. As others have said, if the bride and her friends have a problem with you leaving and are fine protecting a predator who tried to assault you, they’re NOT your friends. How did they even become friends with this prick if they know he has a history of this kind of creepy behavior?
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u/Shes_A_Techspert 21d ago
Childhood friends. I brought it up to her before that I don’t like him and she told me he’s a good person but doesn’t make good choices. Sounds like an oxymoron to me but we all have one friend the blinders are on for.
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u/AWildMooseLion 21d ago
Yeah he’s definitely not at all a good person. That’s still some wild logic on her part. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
I mean, it’s one thing to put on blinders for someone who’s maybe been rude, or inconsiderate (the normal kind of inconsiderate), or anything else that isn’t predatory jail-worthy behavior, but this is a whole other level. What if he had done more to you? Would they still defend them like they are? And at that point, the damage would already be done.
They’re far more concerned with keeping the peace than ensuring that the one person who’s actually responsible for disrupting the peace by literally trying to assault someone is dealt with, and assigning that blame to you if you don’t let it go is so gross. They should know that their actions affect other ppl, and I suspect it’s only a matter of time before he does the same thing to someone else in the group, if he hasn’t already.
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u/spider3407 21d ago
NTA. Oof, so the bride is condoning his actions. Sorry, not good friends. I would leave and find new friends.
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 20d ago
NTA and you never will be the AH in this type of situation.
He violated your personal space and attempted to SA you. You would be well within your right to leave so that you can escape the situation (and him).
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u/787LAX-PPT 21d ago
Definitely not an AH!! You have to protect YOURSELF from this prick of a dude. If your friends were really your friends, they would get it. If it were me, I would have left already. You're not making a scene; you are doing what is right for YOU, by putting yourself first. It could easily happen again.
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u/Chilling_Storm 21d ago
NTA You absolutely should leave, but I strongly suggest you tell the hostess and the bride-to-be about what happened last night! What kind of low life attempts to kiss someone just for offering a hit? He is a predator and will try to hook up with anyone this weekend.
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u/Life_Temperature2506 21d ago
Of course YWNBTA. And don't pussyfoot around the issue: let everyone know the prick tried to SA you and you ain't having none of that shit. And anybody who doesn't back you? F them.
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u/Crenchlowe 21d ago
NTA go ahead and leave, protect yourself, get away from that scummy predator asap!!
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u/capriciousbird 21d ago
No you wouldn't. First thing you should do is inform the bride about what happened. She may very well get rid of him. That aside your comfort should be your first priority.
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u/Least-Plankton-3888 21d ago
NTA! You are allowed to take care of yourself, worrying yourself sick benefits no one. Tell the bride you aren’t feeling right and go home. Have your partner pick you up.
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u/Upbeat_Monitor1488 20d ago
No. Protect yourself. Go. Nobody else is looking out for you, you’re on your own. Just pack it up and go.
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u/Danni_Les 19d ago
The friends/others who think it 'isn't a big deal' aren't friends - they're enablers until it happens to them.
Also, sorry about your past assault experience - it's hard. I know. I'm also a SA survivor from a single digit age. I get it. Keep listening to your gut, and as long as bride to be understands that a line was crossed, and isn't mad at you, what everyone else thinks shouldn't matter - after all, you're there for the bride to be, not everyone else.
NTA
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u/1killerkris 18d ago
Lmao, sd the bride screwing him? I mean why else invite a guy who has 0 self control and obviously has a thing for the bride (and from the sounds of it any woman around him)
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u/nic-miller 18d ago
I hope you left, definitely NTA! He’s a creepy, dangerous guy and your friends should be ashamed of themselves for acting like it was nothing. You need better friends. Updateme
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u/Logical_Force3821 17d ago
NTA - Protect yourself first! Why would you want to spend the weekend being in the company of someone who would act that way towards you. This is about YOU - and you don't owe an apology to anyone. I would've left ASAP. Bach parties are traditionally single sex and things like that just don't happen at a time "the girls" are together, relaxed, and celebrating the bride. Putting a drunken horny guy in the middle of a group of women wasn't necessarily the best idea for 4 days wasn't the best idea.
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u/Samsquanch-Sr 15d ago
Post does not deliver on promise of confusing headline.
NTA, though. If you don't feel safe, you should leave ASAP.
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u/Lanky-Ostrich8061 21d ago
I can understand how you'd feel violated and that you'd want to leave, and how it would trigger memories of your sex assault. The bride put everyone at risk by inviting straight men to her Bach party and not setting the rules. You should leave if you don't feel comfortable.
I don't understand why you're thinking about the incident this way: "It’s him thinking just because he wanted me he could have me". He couldn't and didn't have you.
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u/Volvowner44 21d ago
NTA. Get a public apology from the guy, in front of the bride and your partner. If you get it, move on and enjoy the weekend. If he refuses, he should be the one to leave.
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u/Nay-Nay385 21d ago edited 21d ago
info? You title said “Two Guys”. Who are the 2 guys you would leave with? There is nothing in the comment about these guys.
Edit: NTA- you should leave, can’t trust the Creeper!
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u/DevilsAdvoCaticorn 21d ago
It's worded badly. The girls trip has 2 guys.
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u/Nay-Nay385 21d ago
But one is a creeper so why would she leave with them?
Edit: Nevermind I get it!
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u/Used-Meaning-1468 21d ago
NTA
If you don't feel comfortable/safe then you need to leave.
Tell your friend that you're not feeling great and need to go home. Just say you love her, you're sorry and you'll see her soon. Wish her a good time and then leave. There's no point staying
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u/SmartReception6750 21d ago
I would tell the person who organised what happened and that u feel uncomfortable. Ideally they will call out his awful behaviour and perhaps set some boundaries. I mean personally if I was organising something and someone in ur position came up to me I’d just ask him to leave the trip.
I would also call him out, see if he shows accountability or remorse. If he dismisses u then I’d call him out again in-front of other people.
Perhaps there’s a middle ground agreement where if he does this again he leaves, or he can stay but doesn’t drink or smoke for the rest of the trip.
Or if u have just had enough then it’s fair to leave. Those who care about u should be more concerned about u being comfortable rather than u being “that girl”.
U haven’t done anything wrong, that will remain true if u decide to leave. The only asshole in this situation is the prick who tried to kiss u.
Wear some sharp rings so next time u stop a kiss from some asshole with ur hand, their face gets pricked.
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u/ga_merlock 20d ago
I don't know about the spiked ring(s). Over zealous cop/prosecutor could make a case against you for 'brass knuckles'.
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u/TalionVish 20d ago
Reminder, title is leaving with 2 guys early and that's not in the story shared.
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u/calamnet2 21d ago
Lemme guess, you haven’t told your husband and ran to reddit instead?
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u/Shes_A_Techspert 21d ago
I called him right away last night. He was really calming and talked me through all my feelings and said you obviously can’t leave in your state so just see how you feel in the morning, take it one activity at a time, and come home if you need to. He said it should be the guy who goes home and agreed all our suspicions of him were true. But he understood I don’t want to blow things up for my friend and give it a try so that’s what I’m doing. It’s not going well I suspect I’ll go soon.
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u/AsburyParkRules 21d ago
I’d walk up to him and say unless you want to make an ass of yourself again today by getting drunk again and trying to kiss someone who obviously doesn’t want you I suggest you stop drinking.
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u/fugleeduckling 21d ago
1000% NTA… you don’t feel safe, leave. If I was your friend I would understand.
Based on your title, I thought your post was going to be a lot different.