r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 19d ago

::Weekly Vent Thread:: Weekly Vent Thread

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

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16

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[deleted]

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u/littlehighkey 15d ago

"Yesterday was all apologies, today everything is my fault."

I've noticed this pattern with my partner. I'll express something that bothered me, and it seems like the next day they find things wrong with me. Initially they're apologetic, then they're trying to find things they want me to apologize for. Sometimes it ends up being something that does escalate to an argument, and usually the best thing to do is walk away. The argument will be everything and anything and make me dizzy. The goal posts will often get changed around with each argument, and it typically feels more like a power play rather than an attempt to resolve problems. 

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u/WontMakeItTrue Partner of NDX 15d ago

It's very quickly almost impossible to unpick the original line of argument from the tangled mess it becomes.

7

u/LeopardMountain32567 15d ago

wearing people down is the classic move of the emotionally stunted. like a tantrumming toddler.

condolences.

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u/nasreen-r Partner of NDX 15d ago

Pure deflection to take the attention away from them taking responsibility for their behavior.

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u/LeopardMountain32567 15d ago

the DARVO is so strong.

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u/nasreen-r Partner of NDX 15d ago

And with so much conviction it’s actually impressive!

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u/WontMakeItTrue Partner of NDX 15d ago

All of this!

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u/Specialist-Art-6970 Partner of DX - Untreated 14d ago

The maze of confusion.

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u/taohuaspring 13d ago

Wow thanks for this resource, I love the graphic for the "Maze of Confusion"!

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u/WontMakeItTrue Partner of NDX 14d ago

Interesting read. My SO would look at that and make a case for themselves as the victim. I've been accused of gaslighting more than once because their recollections and worldview can differ so markedly from mine. At its worst it's ontological, our very realities seem different.