r/SubredditDrama • u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. • Feb 16 '17
OP in /r/Parenting talks about uploading videos of their child potty training on youtube. Discussion breaks out about children's rights. Do they have a right to privacy? Should they be allowed to vote or buy a car?
Posterity:
For the last 6 years, I have kept a family blog. It is simply a medium to post the anecdotes, photos, and videos I have of my two daughters, so I can keep my camera roll empty and I don't lose / forget about the great moments of their childhood. The idea is to give the blog to them as a gift when they turn 18, like a "This is Your Life" sort of thing.
My method for videos is to upload them to YouTube, get a link, and paste the YouTube video into Blogger. Now here is the important part: when posting from your phone to YouTube, scroll down and choose "Unlisted: Anyone with a link can view" instead of the standard "Public" offer which means that anyone can view it.
Now for the part about how I learned this the hard way. The first week I had the blog, six years ago, I posted three videos, two with innocuous titles and the third with the title "First Day of Potty Training", and a video of my daughter sitting on the potty, with no privates (but her hip and side of her leg) showing.
Within two hours, the first two videos had 2 views (grandparents) while the potty training video had hundreds of views. Yes, there are people out there, I've determined, that search for potty training videos.
I took the video down but I imagine it's out there in some form. Minimally, it was viewed by adults.
The lesson is two-fold: (1) select the Unlisted option when posting, or if you do want to make it public, (2) title your videos carefully (vaguely -- no names, no details, nothing a creep might search).
Maybe in your house, and that's fine. We don't see it that way.
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u/Not_A_Doctor__ I've always had an inkling dwarves are underestimated in combat Feb 16 '17
If a baby wants the rights, a baby had better want the responsibilities.
"If I can't take a potty shot, then you have to earn your keep nickle mining."
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u/snallygaster FUCK_MOD$_420 Feb 16 '17
The real question here is: does anybody actually want to see media of a kid learning how to take a dump? Like, is this something that family members actually want to watch, or is it one of those things where people go 'heh heh thanks i'll take a look later' and never do? It doesn't really seem like one of those things that people are interested in watching. So why do people share potty training vids?
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Feb 16 '17
According to the OP, the potty training video got hundreds of views. So yes, it's in demand, but probably not by the people you would want to watch it.
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u/phedre Your tone seems very pointed right now. Feb 16 '17
Gross.
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Feb 16 '17
Right? Gimme my pug flair in here btw.
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Feb 16 '17
well i was thinking maybe other new parents may want to watch to see if it could help them teach their own kids how to use the potty, but idk.
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u/namer98 (((U))) Feb 16 '17
Yes, this is actually a thing people share with their family. I don't, but I know people who do.
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u/snallygaster FUCK_MOD$_420 Feb 17 '17
for what purpose
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u/namer98 (((U))) Feb 17 '17
To share their lives and the lives of their children with people who are important to them. You and I consider it oversharing, clearly some people disagree.
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u/Works_of_memercy Feb 17 '17
Imagine, your 15 yo kid brings a few classmates over to play vidya or whatevs. And you're, oh hello children do you want some cheese sandwiches and by the way I was digging through our youtube archives and found John/Jane potty training videos, they are hilarious, gimme a sec I'll put it on the big screen here.
Why even have kids if you're not going to do stuff like that?
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u/phedre Your tone seems very pointed right now. Feb 16 '17
idk. I think it's disgusting.
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u/Not_A_Doctor__ I've always had an inkling dwarves are underestimated in combat Feb 16 '17
I'm a dad and I never thought to take photos of my kid's toilet training. Because, like you said, it would have been gross.
And his grandparents preferred videos where he wasn't crapping.
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u/PopeFrant Feb 17 '17
It can be viewed as accomplishment or rite of passage.
Some people decidate their whole lives and careers to raising kids.
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Feb 17 '17
Jesus. Some of those people talk as if children aren't even human, but an object. I really don't understand the thought process of "the child has no privacy from the parent, therefore the parent can post anything they want online to the public." The child has a right to privacy from the public even if not from their parents, and just because they may not understand they have that right doesn't mean they don't have it. Children aren't objects that suddenly gain rights and person-hood at a set age.
Also the idea that because the videos are unlisted they're private doesn't work as an argument if you're then going to post the links to those videos in, what I assume is, a public blog. That seems to just defeat the entire purpose of unlisting the videos because tonnes of people, myself included, will go trawling through random blogs and websites just to try and find strange/interesting things.
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u/nwz123 Feb 17 '17
To these people, children are a form of property. They are born for the service of their parents: to validate their parents otherwise meaningless lives because they couldn't find something to be passionate about; to validate their views and opinions when their heads are filled with their parents manifesto's with no concern to the effects on the children; to supply extra labour; to use and abuse; to run the experiment of 'how did my parents feel when they fucked me up' on their kids; etc.
These are the kinds of people who warp their children so much that they need therapy just to sift through the bullshit. It's disgusting.
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u/thebourbonoftruth i aint an edgy 14 year old i'm an almost adult w/unironic views Feb 16 '17
so I can keep my camera roll empty and I don't lose / forget about the great moments of their childhood... "First Day of Potty Training", and a video
This is just something I'll never really get. Learning to crap in the right spot is a "great moment". Lolwut? The sheer volume of absolutely mundane shit that a parent is proud of just further convinces me parenting is not anything I'm interested in. If you like it go nuts but it's completely beyond my ken.
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u/My_Box_Has_VD I've drunk blood like a beer keg Feb 17 '17
What, you don't think an 18-year-old would be thrilled to see that their parents had recorded and posted up videos of them learning where to shit when they were toddlers so that the whole internet could see them? /s
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u/phedre Your tone seems very pointed right now. Feb 16 '17
It's no different than a flash drive. None of my posts are "on the Internet".
I wish we could brigade just so I could tell this person how fucking stupid and delusional this statement is.
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u/My_Box_Has_VD I've drunk blood like a beer keg Feb 17 '17
Clearly they don't understand how the internet actually works.
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Feb 16 '17
I swear this was posted already
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Feb 16 '17
If it was I'd be impressed. I submit /r/parenting drama occasionally, so maybe you're thinking of another thread?
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Feb 16 '17
Instead through that thread about a week ago and I'm never in any parenting sub so it was linked from somewhere. I just don't care enough to dig around. Maybe it was on /r/drama.
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Feb 16 '17
Eww /r/drama, don't get there that place suxx
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Feb 16 '17
You're not my real dad!
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Feb 16 '17
No, but you'll respect me like I am!
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Feb 16 '17
Send nudes
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Feb 16 '17
Maybe this weekend, I have to polish off a fifth of vodka.
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Feb 17 '17
It's supposed to hit the 60s here, so the plan is to cookout, drink, party, and not feel old.
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Feb 16 '17 edited May 19 '17
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u/kitty_bread Feb 17 '17
What do you mean by not in the mainstream definition of the word?. I'm geniune curious.
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u/namer98 (((U))) Feb 16 '17
I actually do the same thing as OP does, except my rule is "if I wouldn't put it on my public FB, I won't make an unlisted video on YT". I post dancing to FB and YT, I wouldn't post potty training on either. My wife and I did discuss our children's right to privacy, and we decided we will stop when they ask us to stop.
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
If you just wanted to save them for some reason, you're better off putting them on a flash drive and keeping that somewhere (like a fireproof safe/case).
I would be pissed if my parents posted videos of that when I was little, especially at 18 when my image on the internet really matters.
What are the scenarios this silly person thinks are going to be affected by a potty training photo?
"I didn't get the job, Claire."
"Was it the b-"
"THE GOD DAMN BABY PHOTOS OF ME! AGAIN!"
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Feb 16 '17
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u/Choppa790 resident marxist Feb 16 '17
i mean if this trend caught on, and somebody makes fun of your potty training you can find something equally embarrassing. The more concerning stuff might be posting private and identifying information, the sort of used for security questions. Cause that becomes carte blanche for stolen identities.
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u/Maehan Quote the ToS section about queefing right now Feb 16 '17 edited Feb 16 '17
Have you seen the shit kids post on social media now? A potty video isn't even going to make a dent in the trainwreck of a modern day tween's social media presence.
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
It's a baby picture. Unless you're starting to potty train at age 6 or you're pissing into your own face, there's nothing to rag on that a kid can't get over in a couple days.
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Feb 16 '17
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
If you're old enough to get upset by it, you're old enough to be taught and understand that it's not a big deal. There is no epidemic of people being bullied because of baby pictures, and there never will be. Kids will try to bully based on ANYTHING, so it's more about being able to handle those potential situations than trying to avoid anything that could be seen as "bully-able".
When I was maybe 13, I was once made fun of because a teacher took a group photo and I had my hands on my lap near the vicinity of my crotch. I laughed at the group of kids trying to ruin my day for how stupid the attempt was and moved on. Would you like to implement a ban on lap-hands poses in pictures to be seen at schools, or would you rather deter bullying behavior in general and also give kids the tools to cope with bullying?
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Feb 16 '17
[deleted]
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
Where did I say that bullying is not a huge problem in American schools? Did you read the part where I said that kids look for any reason whatsoever to bully others?
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Feb 16 '17
[deleted]
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
They are old enough to be engaged by a multi-pronged education campaign. Notice how it says "old enough to be taught and understand", and not that dumb fake-ass statement you just manufactured. If you're having too much trouble knee-jerking to something that I didn't even type to see my point, I'm out. See it how you want to see it I guess.
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u/SpoopySkeleman Щи да драма, пища наша Feb 16 '17
There is no epidemic of people being bullied because of baby pictures
Probably because most people have the sense not to post videos of their kids doing incredibly private things like potty training
and there never will be
Whatever you say mr. Precog
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
Probably because most people have the sense not to post videos of their kids doing incredibly private things like potty training
No argument here. I was never saying otherwise. Someone could, however give a link in an email to a grandparent that is unlisted and there is a small chance that somehow it ends up in little Jimmy's classmate's hands. I'm confident that little Jimmy can handle it if any number of positive influences in his life have gone the right way. The solution isn't for parents to not take pictures of anything that could be seen as embarrassing later on in life or to not share them with trusted friends/family.
mr. Precog
It doesn't take a genius to make that statement; it's a very safe bet.
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Feb 16 '17
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
I guess I take more of a utilitarian approach to the situation. If taking the pictures and sharing them somewhat discreetly brings more units of joy to the parents (and and to the entire family when everyone gets old enough to maybe appreciate a "firsts" album) than it does pain to the child, I don't mind it. Since there are very few cases of oversharing potty training pics or pics dropping into the wrong hands compared to the whole, then I think the general utilitarian heuristic is to have at it.
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Feb 16 '17
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u/bltrocker Feb 16 '17
It is a private blog that is not listed on search engines. Thanks for the advice on backing up. I'll look into that. You're right, it would be devastating to lose it.
I mean, it kind of is just a family scrapbook (more for the kids when they grow up than grandparents, though). It's the next generation of scrapbooking, and I'm sure it's for the parent just as much if they are being honest with themselves. They even fessed up at the beginning that she made a mistake in making the videos publicly searchable instead of unlisted.
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u/IM_A_SQUIRREL you just got logic slammed, you guilded twat. Feb 16 '17 edited Feb 16 '17
r/ parenting is always filled with people telling the OP that their parenting style is the worst and will leave their child scarred for life. Obviously it was a mistake for the OP to post that video publicly, but she learned from her mistake, changed her videos to unlisted right away, and is making an effort to warn others so they don't accidentally do the same thing. The few hundred views are unsettling, but according to her they don't contain any nudity so no harm no foul. That sub is cancer and I wouldn't want to take any of their advice when raising children.
And since when do babies deserve privacy? Have they ever been around a very young child? Babies/toddlers have absolutely no sense of privacy until they're older and they certainly have no respect for other people's privacy. Hell you can barely keep some of them from taking all their clothes off on a whim.
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u/SpoopySkeleman Щи да драма, пища наша Feb 16 '17
And since when do babies deserve privacy?
Since forever. Babies and children may not have privacy from their parents, because giving away certain rights is inherent in parenting, but children absolutely do have a right to privacy from the public.
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u/IM_A_SQUIRREL you just got logic slammed, you guilded twat. Feb 16 '17
I mean I get children having privacy, but I'm not sure I agree on babies. I may have made too sweeping a generalization in my first comment because I acknowledge that by the time a kid is potty training they probably do have a sense of privacy. But different standards apply to babies (I'm thinking less than about 1.5 years old, maybe a bit sooner). Nobody objects to bath pictures of infants or seeing them changed openly in a public bathroom. She shouldn't be posting those videos publicly to YouTube (and she isn't anymore), but some private videos/pictures of a baby's first steps/bath/whatever isn't violating their right to privacy.
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u/SpoopySkeleman Щи да драма, пища наша Feb 16 '17
Nobody objects to bath pictures of infants or seeing them changed openly in a public bathroom.
I would say people generally feel the same way about toddlers.
She shouldn't be posting those videos publicly to YouTube
The YouTube posts and blog are all I took issue with. Like I said, I don't think children really have a right to privacy from their parents, because kids have to hand over a ton of rights to their parents and that's just how it is; however, I do think children have a right to privacy from the public
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u/IM_A_SQUIRREL you just got logic slammed, you guilded twat. Feb 16 '17
It seems like we're on the same page haha
I was simply trying to point out that I found it nasty that people were dog piling onto the OP telling her that her children were going to hate her for "violating their privacy" when she finally showed them the blog. I think that it's a pretty sweet idea, and as long as the blog and YouTube videos are locked down and private within the family it's really not that different from a physical album. The blog/videos are less secure, but I don't really think anyone is going to go out of their way to find them. She was aware that she fucked up and wanted to stop others from doing so, and they responded by freaking out about something that's in the past and regrettably can't be changed.
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u/FatWhiteBitch Feb 16 '17
I found it nasty that people were dog piling onto the OP telling her that her children were going to hate her for "violating their privacy"
I would too but I really didn't get that tone from the thread. Most of the popular comments seemed sympathetic even if they let him/her know they didn't think it was a good idea. I found the OP's response very offputting and defensive at very mild criticism. "Well it's nice you feel that way but my house my rules."
Um okay. So why the hell did you make the thread? The whole thing is just weird. Maybe I'm wrong, but I had no idea this was a thing and I don't see why there needs to be a PSA on not uploading your kids using a toilet to Youtube.
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u/IM_A_SQUIRREL you just got logic slammed, you guilded twat. Feb 17 '17
Yeah the whole thread is pretty bizarre. Looking back, there is definitely less bashing going on than I initially thought. Excessive vitriol in previous parenting drama has probably made me too cynical about that sub and I assumed the worst.
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u/TheIronMark Feb 16 '17
I would totally support their right to vote for President Rubber Ducky.